Catching up with friends

I feel guilty to prioritise my entire time on work and love, I neglected what I call friends. Most of the time I get their updates from Instagram but nothing more. And that day I felt the excitement to meet my friend and speak more about ourselves. 

I really love the waffles in Shugatori and I will try his pancakes. Despite a busy guy, he took his time off the kitchen to catch up with me. Gonna start promoting his cafe and make him busier.

I guess I really like meeting people.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

6 months ago...

... you shut me out.

6 months later I approach you.

Tell me what I need to do so you will talk to me again?

Do I annoy you?

Maybe I should be more aggressive.

My mum is right. It's painful 'coz I care.

I thought I have given ourselves enough time. I took the courage to contact you again. Part of me wants things to return as it is. Part of me is understatement. I know it's kinda impossible, but I really wish shits never happen.

Perhaps you are right. My existence does not fall in timely matter. I feel much contented from not having regrets in my life, rather than bottling this emotion for another 2 years.

Thank you. The puff. The cheese cake. The memory.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Holidays end too quickly (Part 3)

Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3

Dear FY,

Many years ago I masturbated only once or twice a month. Don't get me wrong. I have the needs all the time but I would rather save the seeds for him. We were in a long distanced relationship, you see. The monogamous relationship existed in my thought for many years. With that in mind, I was quite a loyal one. After that incident, my sex life had changed. The numbers of masturbation increased to daily, or more if I may admit.

Friends are surprised at the frequency I am currently having and said this is too much for my body. They agree that the frequent masturbation hasten aging. Nah, I didn't ask which journal they read that could support their claim. However I leave them in awe haha.

Too much info, I guess. But I think you deserve to know.

23rd October - Inside Scoop

Well, the afternoon was quiet and our conversation echoed in the cafe. I am glad I caught up with him again so soon. Thank you.

24th October - Sushi Zento
Oh again? Yes you are right. He had craving for Japanese sushis that week so I brought him here. We spent a night in my room before I sent him back to where he belongs. He's a good companion.

26th October - Back to work

The department organised an event to show gratitude to the colleagues. They called this Appreciation Day. Obviously, no one informed me that this was coming and I came to work, empty handed. Anyway it is thrilling to see so many goodies on my desk. It's a sign that I am appreciated. Even my bosses say so.

Project 55.5 is a failure in the end.




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Holidays end too quickly (Part 2)

Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3

Dear FY,

In this holiday I met 3 weird characters who spoke on how they like and love me. We went out separately for quick chat and I thought the first meets should be ice breaker. Well, they had intention to build their future with me which left me in shock. They claimed I was the type of guy they like : well-organised, gentleman and gracious? Here I thought they were desperate for a quickie but heck I was wrong. They persistently text and ring me every day to chat with me. Nothing about sex, surprisingly. I could understand if one of them is weird. but to have 3 of them seemed to be untrue so I rejected all of them. I thought it's best to stay till 30 at my current state.

16th October - Bankara and Sweet Beans

It never goes wrong to meet someone for lunch in the city. After picking up my Visa, we had a quick lunch with him in Avenue K and passed him the souvenir from Ipoh. The day ended with sesame paste and black glutinous rice as desserts without dinner.

19th October - Sushi Zento and Coffea Coffee

Since I was had good experience in the previous visit, I returned to savour the moment. That time I was alone and barely able to finish it.

Ice blended cinnamon chocolate, as the name implies, has the chocolate well blended with the right portion of cinnamon. I can't believe I write this pointless point. Anyway I was here that night to meet an old friend who lives close by. 

21st October - Sang Kaya

Another day wasted, alone. No proper meal for the day so I compensate with these.

22nd October - Blood test and Madam Kwan

You probably do not know. I AM AFRAID OF NEEDLES! After my blood was drawn, I rested 10 minutes or more before I could move again. Oh what test was this? STD and liver function.

Since I was damn hungry for fasting, I thought of Nihon Kai nearby but it wasn't opened yet. Looked for Burger Lab and it wasn't open for lunch. It was disappointing to learn OWL Cafe was closed too! Drove for Rekindled and Standing Theory in PJ, but Waze never seems to be reliable. All these unproductive time spent on the road brings me to Midvalley. Madam Kwan? Alone. Really?

Dear FY,

36 days...

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Holidays end too quickly (Part 1)

Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3

Dear FY,

Every staff has to take a mandatory two weeks of paid leave every year. It's the company policy and I like this idea a lot. There is nothing more satisfying than momentarily smirking to colleagues and bosses while bidding them goodbye. But did I mention it's painful to prepare the handover before leaving? Really. There are many tasks I failed to delegate and that's my area of development. Oh did I also not mention it's gruesome to learn all the bad news when returning to work?

In these 14 days I recuperate from numerous wounds. At the same time I gained a few pounds around my waist and thigh.

9th October - Saisaki

I know this place does not have the best sashimi or sushi and I am lying if I am not the least bothered. You know what? The companion that night was fantastic. Thank you.

10th October - Sushi Zento

This place serves 6 thick fresh salmon at only MYR 28++. We did not have the budget to explore the menu much, but my mum was definitely thrilled with the salmon. I am glad I brought her to the right place. Thank you.

11th, 12th and 13th October - Genting

I have been part of his membership pool for close to 10 years and for once Uncle Lim gave me 2 night stay in his hotel for free. The food was scarce in the jungle and the price was as high as its peak. Uncle Lim cheated MYR 20 out of my pocket in his golden labyrinth. Apart from sleeping in cold weather, Genting has not been attractive. Yea? No selfie? Yea I did not take any selfie in Genting and I am amazed myself.

The only highlight in the mountain was to run into my friend and we celebrated my birthday with Starbucks and cold breeze.

13th, 14th and 15th October - Kampar and Ipoh

This time around, FY, I came here to meet my friend. Honest be told, the days were nothing more interesting than Genting. Maybe there's one thing worth writing. We ran into his cute friends dressed in orange and sky blue trunks in Tambun hot spring. They really caught my eye. Hmm... impressive physique and attractive bulges. 

Dear FY,

39 days...




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Sober at night

Dear FY,

When I thought I found someone to share my feelings with, he chose to avoid me entirely. 

We learnt the dramatic history of our past and how coincident every thing had been. Unable to take the guilt, he removed me as friend in all social media. He decided to severe our friendship with a silly past. He was deceived.

It was really painful for a moment to accept his decision. There was little fairness to me who treated him fairly. Part of me felt betrayed.

Towards the end I was not worthy to be called a friend. Here I am again, hiding alone in this cold room. Time to bottle up my emotions till I meet you.

With love,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

A wasteful journey

Dear FY,

To be honest I appreciate what VI had done to instill me the value of punctuality. How could I forget 100 push ups for being late for 10 minutes? Never. And this was how I learn to appreciate all who are punctual. At the same time my area of development is the efficiency of my time management. This was discussed in my performance review lately.

My ex, let us call him MS, was lamenting about his role in the organisation this evening. One of the issue we discussed was his punctuality to work. Sadly, I found the discussion to be very negative. He behaved exactly like an ordinary staff.

Do I look like I care to be punctual? You guys never even say thank you. 

I know my problems for 5 years now. If this can be changed, I would change 5 years ago and I don't need you to tell me this today.

I have enough warning letters, I don't mind getting another 10? So what?

I am not helping myself? This is not something I can control. You need to accept.

Yes of course I am behaving like a normal staff. Cause I AM A NORMAL STAFF!

There are 2 people higher than you who had given me the same feedback. So YOU don't talk to me as if you can change me.

I am being mistreated by EVERY ONE. ALL OF YOU. Why would I care anymore?

These are the words I least expected from him. In spite of all these nasty comments, I felt the burden is finally lifted. 

If you think I enjoy waking up at 5 every morning to call you 60 times to ensure you wake up to work, yet you find this amazingly abusive? 

Could you imagine how much of sleep I could save if you were to share this with me 4 years ago?

You are right. I could save couple of ringgit on my phone bills too.

I am sorry I laugh too loud. I thought I was putting effort for your good but it turned out you don't need me.

You are right. No one can change you. Who am I anyway?

Dear FY,

Tonight hurts so much not because I still love him. Be it friends or lover, my bosses or my subordinates, I would be happy if my effort is appreciated. Apparently, to him, the time I spent is ill treatment.

Forgive me for being a fool.

Yours truly,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

In the blink of an eye...

... another year has passed.

Dear FY,

I am sorry. I am confident you understand the reason behind this word.

To my dear friend,

Another anniversary for us.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Tarry not longer

Dear FY,

While I was trapped in the state of confusion, I lost you. You know that I am a person with few words. I don't often say what is on my mind and even if I do, it usually doesn't come out quite right. I opened my mouth a few times to speak that night but ended up only spewing silence. Tried to force my tears back without much success, I accepted your words.

"You need to make a choice"

You were right that night. It was a race against the clock. CHOOSE!

I procrastinated. Hence, this post.

Bii found the courage to tell me his tale last night. Part of me was really glad he found someone to share his life with. Couldn't say my heart is in good shape either. I had arguably the most meaningful time with him. It's only fair to blame myself for being indecisive. My selfishness had let bii slipped with his new found love. 

One day can bend your life. And that night seemed to bend mine inexorably downward.

There are things that people will do even though they know it's pointless. No matter how pointless it is, they must do it in order to collect themselves. My impaired judgement was the reason I began to wilt away, which was tearing me up inside. I was desperate to turn to the help of alcohol but I couldn't find one. I tried not to think but that was proving difficult. 

Dear bii,

Please do not feel guilty. I remember thinking you were such an interesting guy. It's true that I am fighting hard to catch my breath now, you on the other hand must had taken a lot of courage to tell me. No matter how much I hate to lose you, the idea of seeing you happy was enough incentive. The choice is yours. I believe this love will stand the test of time. May your times be as good as ours and your love last much longer.

Our beautiful memories resonate endlessly at the back of my head.

Love,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Tale of a young boy

Dear FY,

I was not inclined to know new friends. Not till a few who were persistent recently. I did not like young boys... or so I thought. This young boy I met last month started to treat me differently.

He gave me the warmth I had been yearning for. While I wish this feeling to continue, part of me has restriction to move on. Perhaps he likes me? I do not know. I do not want to know.

He may be young but he is not as tall as you. He is not as good looking as you. 

You may not think of me as much as he does. You may not talk to me as much as he does. 

No matter how I look at you two, you are the perfect guy to me.

Yours truly,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

152 days ago...

Dear FY,

152 days ago, I realized how time has brought us apart. Guess what I saw when I looked into your ever charming eyes?

I did my hair the best in entire 2014 that night. That was my best top I have. Sorry that my car is not in good shape. But no matter how good I thought I was, I could not escape old age and it clearly showed in the reflection on your eyes.

The conversation that night was really disturbing, FY. But I guess we escaped the unrealistic dreams with a good bye kiss. 

Me and bii did not begin a journey as you had imagined. In fact we, like us, parted our ways with hugs and memories.

Dear FY,

Do you remember the video clip you sent me many years ago? Probably not. I made your voice my alarm ring tone every morning.

Do you remember the candid picture I took few years ago? Probably not 'coz I took quite a number of you. I made you my phone wallpaper.

I miss you.

Yours truly,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Quick escape - Melaka

Dear FY,

It's Melaka again.

Sadly the 4-people-trip was reduced to 3. A friend exited and I was left to brighten the couple throughout the trip. No they did not call me Phillip. 'Da foods my companion!

Yours truly,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

I am thankful

Dear FY,

Exactly like you and me, we started from blog. We left comments in our posts then we moved to MSN and later whatsapp.

Without realizing he is the one I look for when I am depressed. He was the first to know when I broke up 'coz he was here when I need a hug. I received cards and gifts on festive seasons from him. I draw him sushi on every anniversary. He showed me support in all my decisions. You can find his picture in my wallet.

He is some one so special I could not repay with just thank you.

Little did I know it's a gift from god when we know each other. Hugs.

From,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

A not so rendezvous

Dear FY,

When you said you wanna spend a day with me on 27th, I took it so seriously I reserved 3 days just for you. You see, I was merely planning ahead for the unexpected so I thought 3 days were good. Christmas movie... Boxing Day hang out... I refused to join any.

Oh no... you were out of town. Change of plan. I cleaned my room in hope you will drop by. Unlike 2 years ago, this time my room was ready. 

It appeared our rendezvous turned up days later but I was very delighted you could make it before you return.

In the contrary to my expectation, that night did not end on a high note. The dinner was a mess. I screwed our dream.

My feeling faded as time passes. You barely respond to my text largely due to the time difference. Your voice could not reach me this far. Pictures are not as frequent as they used to be. Or I would rather say, you have stopped posting.

Do you know, FY? I too did not realize I miss you this much till you held my hand. I was very emotional to be truth. There was an instance I wish we could keep driving and our hands locked to each other. Perhaps driving aimlessly in the silent night would be good. We were closer when we were in the car. Don't you agree?

I tried my best not to cry. Sorry FY that I am soft and weak. I simply could not hold my tears. My tongue tasted bitter. My heart ached till I stopped breathing. Well, breathing part was exaggeration... But in reality I had few sleepless nights.

Can't be sure if I get it correctly... your smile was kinda sorrow. Perhaps you were just too exhausted with the trip.

Anyway I am really thankful you spent your precious time with me. Such memorable night to end 2014 and surely your words will be my motivation to kick start my 2015.

Dear FY,

My feelings are real. You are always beautiful in my eyes. Hugs.

Yours truly,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

For the first time...

... I feel so excited on Christmas.

Dear FY,  

We have not met for 2 years. I really miss you. Welcome back and I doubt we have time for each other.

Dear bii,

We have not met for 3 weeks. I seriously miss you >.<. I am dying to sniff your armpits.

Merry Christmas to both of you. Wish we have more time together.

From,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot