Attitude of entitlement

The few instances recently where the idea to end our relationship continue to haunt. It's not once or twice in a year. Rather, it's three or four times in a month that have wearied me. Perhaps my tolerance has deteriorated below the threshold. Or perhaps I don't feel the appreciation that I deserve. The relationship, no matter how I look at it, doesn't look as healthy and glorious as it used to.

Often I lost myself into negativity. 

I am tired.

Should I let go?

Walking together for this long isn't an easy journey. Having said that, I still cherish the rare moments of joy and the constant incoherent argument throughout the love. No matter how hurt it is, a life without you is a life wasted. Without you, I will lose many goals in my life. I am never complete. To give my 4 years of investment another chance, I just have to smile, hold back the tears and pretend everything's okay.

Being a full time lover is so tiring and now I can't stop yelling for off days. Never in my life I request for a break. For once I strongly believe that I deserve some rest to ease my mind (as if the love is torturing me), I humbly submit to you my application for annual leave. A quick trip (without you) will be great.

1) Sun tanning - Pangkor

2) Mount climbing - Kinabalu

May I? Without you?

I already know your answer before asking.

Application declined. Reason: I have to tag along.

p/s: Image is not related to post title.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Upgrade. Starvation. OT. FB.

Just about to blog something interesting and I accidentally clicked on blogger new interface. WTF? I seriously hate this new layout. It's so plain!

What's the interesting thing? Beat me, now that I am angry with this new interface I forgot what I wanted to write! Damn...

Anyway, most of you have not realized that my old Facebook was deactivated many months ago. Reason which I don't plan to share publicly, only few knew. Sorry and thanks. Things have changed in many ways as we moved on. After four months of disappearance, I returned to Facebook not because I cannot live without it. An agreement was signed. Such agreement would allow me to pierce my ears if I can return my Facebook to its former glory. There were many promises violated when I started this new account. Again I apologize to all involved. But let's not dwell in the past. If you are here and couldn't find my name in your Facebook, please click on the Facebook icon below the blog title and you will be led to where I reside. If you are interested, that is. No obligation.

Using Nokia 5800 XpressMusic for less than 5 months, the mobile is upgraded to iPhone 4 above. Truth be told, seeing one using iPhone on the street to be so common that I feel more superior to use Nokia 5800. At any rate, an iPhone as so zai's graduation gift isn't too much as long as it makes him happy. Which is mine? Guess and you shall be rewarded.

To buy two iPhones does not mean I am rich. Two iPhones in the given time is definitely inappropriate to the year end budget. If I calculated correctly, I will need to save at least RM 1,700 from this month to cover the iPhones and Taiwan expenses for two pax by next September. It sounds impossible but it's achievable - 'coz I am Jino. To achieve these, I need to carefully lessen GSC, Sushi Zanmai, petrol and condoms. To suffer slight starvation and constant overtime (OT) would hasten the process. I sound crazy but they worth my effort. Does that explain my fatigue and low sex drive?

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Attitude

On the 3rd day of training in HDP, ATTITUDE was the day's highlight as Jo Wan the trainer repeatedly stressed the enlightening word in her unpleasant tone.

"I don't care if you fail the assessment but I at least wish you will walk out this room with the right ATTITUDE."

To whom it may concern:

I was more than happy when you set your goal this semester to 3.000. What get on my nerve is the fact you sleep, watch One Piece, attend meeting and chant to cosmic energy more than the time you spend on studying. You resort to last minute revision and procrastinate to the very end. You are not helping yourself, who's to be blamed? I personally don't believe you can make it through if this is the ATTITUDE you display.

You complained and wanted your laptop formatted. Then you requested my help. You know I don't have much time yet you procrastinate. Instead of spending 3 hours of my available time to make back up data, you slept and did nothing. You know the consequences. Serves you right.

And many other cases when accumulated causes annoyance.

Everyone makes mistakes. But are you the type who learn from mistakes? Rumi the super boss in the organization said "There are 2 types of fools; fools who never make mistakes and fools who repeat mistakes". You may think they are trivial. But throughout the 2 years, there is no improvement I can give credit for. Very quickly, I reached my tolerance limit. My continuous advice did not reach you. Disappointed. You may hate me now but in the end you know that I love you.

Only if you display the right ATTITUDE, this day may not have to prevail...

I am sorry to Nicholas and Carpe Diem for rejecting the meet up today. Let's meet up some other day. So sorry.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Adultery

Trust and faith are essence of a long distance relationship. Not exactly true to say I lack both, but confirmation tests never hurt. Just to remain on the safe side.

He was informed to welcome me on the Wednesday. Instead I took a morning bus to Kampar on Tuesday (17 August). Only by surprise can his guard be lowered. To reduce chances of eliminating evidence, surprise is a wise option.

Upon entering his room I checked behind the door. Chances of someone hiding behind is high.

Then I allowed his wardrobe ajar. In case there are M or L size clothes or unrecognized underwear among the stash. Who knows if I have enough luck to spot someone hiding in the wardrobe?

Trash bin was thoroughly investigated.

Drawers were unlocked.

Every test shows negative result. A question remains. Is he the loyal and faithful type? Or is he from the genius family who leaves no evidence after crime? Either way, I am satisfied as long as I don't find out. This is how I place my trust XD.

p/s: An overdue post without special activity throughout the stay.




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

I don't want to see you anymore

I had been doing a lot of thinking last night.

The faint weep of dismay danced at the edges of my hearing, kept me from gaining much needed sleep.

Small elements when periodically amassed resulted uproars in the equation.

Chances are, my tolerance knows little bound.

Tired.

Patience means self-suffering.

So speaks Gandhi, and so it is written.

In my ranting, I had slipped my intention - the title.

We exchanged more tears as we drove home.

After all, it is a break up line I don't wish to tell in contrary.

After what we'd been through.

I devoted every ounce of my being taking care of you.

The title - saying it had been an exercise in frustration.

12 of June, 1752 hours.

Both rings were in my pocket.

You finally left with tears.

Freedom? No more sadness?

I had made the right decision, I suppose.

But this was tearing me up inside as well.

Tragically, Jino became single.

However, the existence and all legends about you have since then been undeniable without exception.

The feeling of sorrow was not all the remains in the 886 days we spent.

Someone once said, a relationship is not about changing anyone to what we want.

Personally, I find true love as something that doesn't happen in an instant.

It is a building process.

It speaks the truth about relationship.

Someone says the relationship we have is immature.

Many don't believe we could last.

My mum tried to separate us.

I introduced you to my friends.

More importantly, you are my bf and my bf.

How could I not recall these moments in the idle night I thought I was thinking deeply?

Why don't you strengthen your heart.

When I believe you have more reasons to stay together than to part?

Your love is not worn out.

Not yet.

'Coz you have made promises. Many promises.

Says he, who enlightened, via msn.

An hour later.

My jelly mind was finally straighten.

Once again I placed my trust.

I believe this love will stand the test of time.

Back on your finger, I placed the ring on its righteous place.

I give my thanks to you. Now I am stronger.

Jino was single, and then attached.

Isn't this story, dramatic?

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

He lost both. I replace both...

It's been awhile I wasn't wearing anything on my fingers. With lame excuses, he never admit his wrongdoing for losing them. Whoever wear couple rings before 5 years maturity of a relationship, the couple will not last. For the future and our betterment, I am doing good by loosing the rings. It's outrageous and I beg to differ. More often than not, I hate the guy who says this. If you think it is sweet and touching, if you care so much of that myth and what legends, might as well you marry the whoever who dare putting such nonsense to phrase. /pissed. We are together for this long yet there's nothing common in us which when people see will immediately notice our relationship. I easily feel jealous when a friend put a ring on his partner's finger on Valentine. Another strong reason is by looking at the ring, strangers especially plu will immediately notice his unavailability and hopefully will not approach him. Though not overly effective, you can say it's more like an azimat halau hantu. I stretch out both my hands straight to the sky and look at them with the sun behind my palm. I don't see my ring. Not anymore.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Several weeks ago, an image of a ring painted red suddenly flashed through me. It looks very familiar to some degree but alas, I couldn't remember where I saw it. Can it be from some shops? Some one who's wearing it walked pass me? Online? Or was it just a dream when I saw that ring? Talking to myself is the first sign of insanity. But that aside, the more I imagine, the prettier it becomes.

That being said, I asked around MSN mates to gather info of the ring's whereabout but no one has come across it. Couldn't hide my disappointment, I walked around few malls despite all the on going midterms, hoping to find a similarity in mind. I've exhausted all keywords in Google. A great deal of time had passed yet my effort was of 'coz, not paid off. Going by that sound, it makes me think that we have no fate.

Or maybe not. During the meeting with William, I glanced shyly at his finger. Yes. There's no mistake. It was shining brightly as he swung his hand, diverting most of my attention on his finger. The red paint on the ring was as attractive as I had imagined. Apparently that ring comes from Japan. USD 26.64. The design sure looks nice as the price is. It's elegant. Beautiful. I love it. Then again, I couldn't find anything close to it around KL.

Thus, I made more walks in several malls to fill the emptiness on my finger and eventually come to these. Simple. Personal preference. The rings may be common but there are times I believe it is simplicity that the beauty becomes prominent. They are completely opposite of what I want from the red ring - attention.

While I was looking forward to engraving, they turned out very disappointing. After hours of walking from Petaling Street to Central Market to Times Square and Sg Wang then Low Yat then Pavilion then Shaw Parade, I am not at all satisfied with the outcome. After all the money spent, the rings are... There was raging desire to throw them away but... Don't cry over spilled milk. What's done is done and I was trying very hard to be positive.

Me and Nicholas were contributing ideas of how to surprise the owner of the ring. We manage to come out with some good ideas but if it wasn't bear's big mouth, the surprise wouldn't ruin >.<. He likes surprises, you know? Anyway me and him had a good laugh over the incident haha.

Please take good care this time. Good things don't come twice. Hopefully the rings will stand the test of time - they are designed to meet this purpose provided he doesn't lose the ring again. Or he's gonna pay dearly for that.

Happy White Day.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

That loneliness was totally uncalled for

The previous Saturday was fine. My mum was about to head off to Midvalley for Woohoo 大日子 with my brother when she asked if I want to join them. What for? I have no purpose there and I am sure they know how to enjoy without me. Imagine paying movie for less a head, paying lunch for less a head, car burden less a head. The more the merrier does not apply 'coz I am a minority. 

Anyway, I had plans in my head for myself.

From the day I addressed you as my bf, there was no once I enter a cinema without you. Never without holding your hand. But on the fine Saturday morning, 11.50 a.m., I marched into hall 7 of Pavilion GSC. For first, my hands were empty. 

Before the Avatar started, I took some glances around. On the right of B05 were a pair of couple, aged in their late 20s and dressed in couple shirts. While 2 seats away from my left was a cute young school boy with his mum.

Our hands never let loose. I can feel the tightened grip of your hand in some scenes.  Especially the horror movies. Your hands kept me warm when I was cold. Occasionally I looked at you, just to learn that you were staring at me too. Your smile, can be very sweet and cute at times gave me no reason to not lay my lips on yours. I sometimes tried to flee open your zippers but you insisted to do it at home. Hmm... But these were lacking on the fine Saturday morning.

Watching movie alone in different status: single and attached; gave 2 different experience to me. I've tried both. Avatar was a nice movie. Too nice to be true I would say. Only if you were here, the day would be better. We would drop by Krispy Kreme. You have your weird weird donuts while I have my standard Original Glazed. Somewhere in a corner of Pavilion, we would recall the scene where we argued till I cried and then laugh like an idiot. All because you entered my phone pin number wrongly for 3 times. It was so trivial but we put up a good fight. Not to forget eye candies session. Our tastes never meet. All your lengzais are Grade C in my list.

Simply said, I am a spoilt brat who is too used to holding hands in the mall. To be fed when dining. To your voice. And the manly odour when you sweat. The excitement when you see cute little children. You are so extraordinary to me that I won't want to try with others.

While I always stress to the singles of how wonderful and lucky they are to remain single for longer time, here I totally fail to feel the pleasure of being a one-day-single boy. I am saturated with your bliss of relationship, to certain extent I don't remember how to enjoy singleship. With the passage of time, you have become part of me. Separation kills. Yes, I am slowly killed by the distance.

I miss you so much, words are not able to describe all.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Paradoxical choices

Nothing is more repulsive than desperation for internet when Edwin finally terminated his Streamyx in the late December. Life without internet is hellish tough. And it is also appropriate to say that a replacement is urgently necessary since deadline for my thesis is quickly catching up.

Cut long story short. Among the available options, I thought DiGi offers the cheapest and the most considerable speed. Only after subscribing I realized that I was horribly mistaken.

Just to be fair, DiGi broadband offers super high speed connection. Unfortunately my area is not entitled for broadband yet thus I am limited to EDGE, the turtle-speed connection. My bad. Although the highest speed for EDGE is 236.8kbps, my connection never crosses 100kbps. Sometimes 4kbps. Sometimes 3kbps. Sometimes 10kbps. To load a page like Eric Takashi’s blog takes about 20 minutes, provided there is no disconnection.  Sign in MSN takes longer than expected, troubleshoots unresolved at certain times.

Moreover, every click counts. With the 3gb limit, the downloading statistic quickly touching the limit. As if I watch myself burning money to keep the bonfire alive for some warmness in the cold jungle.

That is also why I change my blog template to one simplistic - fewer images, less flashes and less loading time.

Because of this I’ve lost the very passion to read blogs I followed and bookmarked as well as blog hopping. When I want to leave a comment, either it takes 10 minutes to load the page, or is interrupted by disconnection. Then I have to start over again for the same result. Dulan.

The first thing I click on Firefox is my blog. Despite the adverse I am currently facing, checking out happy stories of their new relationship is really worth to wait for. Really, I feel delighted reading their blogs though the waiting time to leave comment can be annoying. Wish you all luck and keep it up. They give me hope that we too can return to how we began, even when our love has already aged to 2. I could not contain my excitement and dying to resurrect the romantic season. But how?

Choosing DiGi may be a bad move, but times are tough without internet. Should I switch? What to switch?

On an unrelated story, Edwin left to Kampar again.

I am leaving soon.

YES! That’s good.

Won’t you feel sad or something?

Why should I? It’s merdeka for me I would say.

*Turn his back on me*

*Hug him from his back*

We are again separated on a long distance relationship. While there are many reasons to be sad, I don't want him to look back and start missing KL. Why not cast a smile before he leaves? If I cannot control my emotion for this simple reason, he who is already heavy-heartened will not leave this place peacefully. The least I can do is to assure my happiness here without him physically. I don’t have to say it loud for him to know how much I miss him, right?

[Jino] – A man’s not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Happy Cotton Anniversary!

First post of the year, which was written in rush. Distracted by screams of DOTA players in cyber cafe, I wrote this post with undetermined mixed emotions.

January 09 2010

The title sucks haha. In case you could not remember the entry I posted 365 days ago today, check here and you'll remember how important today means to us. The previous was a closeted one. I shall no longer hide in shadow. Reach out the hand and touch the light. What if others found out? I'd proudly tell. Instead of blogging of how we spent the big day like everyone does, allow me to trail the road not taken by expressing my feeling in commemoration to date.

你们gay佬变心还厉害过女人换衣 (You gays switch partners more 'geng' than women change their clothes).

Remarked dad of a friend of mine. His eyes are loathingly filled.

Splendidly said. His comment is strictly accurate. His words are no crude. I didn't think he is insulting any of us. Personally I believe he is right in every senses.

I have witnessed many who have failed their relationship. Disheartened for days, they resort to switching.

Jino: Hei how's your weekend?
Fag: Fine. I am meeting my bf later at his college.
Jino: College? Isn't he working?
Fag: Who are you talking about?
Jino: You and Sausage Jockey?
Fag: That was over. I am now with Penis Phantom.
Jino: Ish again you change? Why was I not updated yesterday?
Fag: You were not here this morning.
Jino: =.= *haunting silence*

For the switching frequency is so high, I would not be surprised if you are not able to keep up with updates from your friends. So it's ok if you are left out of the picture over time. After all, this is daily news I am talking about. Their stories can never be long enough to make into monthy or annual magazine. When the same person came to me telling 3 stories of different characters in a month, I can say something must be wrong with him. Overtime, I lost the feel and heart to save him. I've exhausted all my opinions. As a friend I cannot do much. Clearly, isn't it boring to find that your advice are just not useful to him? To see your friend as drama king as they are, I can't help disheartened.

They may be the most pleasant and mature guys you've ever met. But you'll never fail to notice the true personalities of these drama kings and queens once they come to love. He may say "Dear I love you forever" today. But you will find him spilling the same phrase at other guys the very next day. Mind you, I was exactly a bastard like that, once. Ok thrice. Sorry.

What mind do you have when someone propose to you? What pinnacle can we reach if the love only last a day? Why the drastic change?

One could not escape fate. I was caught up in misfortune of sort thrice in a quarter year. Not as exciting as theirs though. I do feel bad once a while but now I had little remorse compared to 2 years ago.

What meaning does love represent to the human of diversity?

1. Love as what we have for our children.
2. Love that melts, that talks, that walks and that obsessed.
3. When the great sex dies, that's the end of love.
4. To love someone more than yourself, or to love yourself more than anyone?
5. Fanatics who dedicated their unrequited love for God.
6. Love is there when you need it.
   

To they, who believe to never love a love that hurts and never hurt a love that loves - then why break and end?

I remember over the pomegranate dessert me and Kenji had the other day. He said: They (exclude the both of us) who have no marriage, no babies, no family as the source of commitment, behave promiscuously. The relationships are very shallow and uncommitted even if they do form. Absence of commitment to shape the relationship is, thus unable to form long term relationship. What are their goals in the relationship? Not the exact words he spat out that night but is something like this.

But I would like to move on from here. When we are dating, finding out that we've the chemistry we call 'love' is wonderful and addictive. One can feel the rush of hormones and delight of affection, but the feelings shift with the passage of time. Many people like us are selfish and immature, trying to avoid the grown up process of making choices that relationships require. He has his life compartmentalized, he seems less communicative, pays less attention - you feel ignored and resentful. Things start to feel stagnant. The warmth may not be as intense as it was at first. The excitement burns out itself and it is a matter of weeks or months it's gone. Hence, the romantic season is so-called over. And it may take a long time to wake up to the reality that the relationship is going no where. And it is sometimes hard for dating couples to understand exactly where they are in the journey of exploration and commitment.

Generally there is no difference in both homo and hetero besides the level of occurrence. Gay relationship shows more prominent trend. Break and rekindle, break and new partner, break and die. Obviously more flaws. I don't mean heteros don't break, but not as much as homos. In case you have not realized, homos are flower heart.

So the dad of my friend is right. We keep changing constantly in search of a suitable partner where source of commitment is lacking. We are nothing more than jumping on the same spot.

While my love is not just a sentiment or feeling, but is also a choice. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with death.

There is nothing noble in me to believe everything in love. Occasionally I succumbed into impression that one day I will end up like them. Separate due to lack of commitment and responsibility. Or feeling evaporates. Lost of touch. Or mainly misunderstanding among the both of us. But I know very well. It is our responsibility to seek the source of commitment that will hold us strong. The commitment which dances to honour our partnership while not losing our sense of individuality. We are no different from the 3 months of romantic season if neither us do anything.

I know too. This might be quite a challenge when emotions are close to the surface. For this reason we fell into the trap of avoiding conflicts. Who doesn't understand the fact that avoiding conflict often results in storing up resentment and grievances? One or both start withdrawing and it begins to fade.

If anyone can, please answer: What are you expecting from the relationship you started? Is it marriage? Is it baby? Or is it just a customary step to follow?

What if I am stingy and I choose to live alone?

I started to ask myself. What is there for us to achieve in our relationship? What am I seeking from you? Where is the root of our love? Or easier - How to maintain the word call love?

It is true that the opposite attracts but it is common that unites. Ability to communicate feelings. Compatible attitude. Time investment. Without these love is not enough, no matter how much we want it to be. Remember that a commitment more likely to mean something if it's freely offered and not given because your partner feels intimidated. And so be reminded not to be fooled by Beatles' 'All You Need Is Love'.

My previous relationships ended on my accord. There was no once I was dumped, because I dumped them first. The feel of being dumped, I have never felt. I would not want to try either. Therefore I clearly know that I have no right to say what I want to say next. But no matter what the circumstances are, I hope that friends who have fallen in relationship will not choose to give up. It is important to believe in the word love despite the disappointment you experienced in every relationship. It may be an uneventful incident comes with sacrifices but in long run it'll the crucial element that serves great memory and experience for your next journey. And most importantly, you get to strengthen your heart and learn to draw lines from hypocritical people. Sorry again I have no right to say such thing. I for one believe that love is the one thing that can overcome so many of the difficult times that we are faced with in life.

Trying to scratch my head to pull this out, I have no answer to what I've come up to myself. On a lighter note, few friends have actually found their loved ones and I am so happy for them. Sendiri tau tau la...

True love is like a cotton pillow. Be it happy or unhappy events, we share the stories at night before sleep. Feel painful? You cry and pillow never fails to absorb every drop of tears. Angry? Bite him, kick him or throw him and he will return to you. You can't sleep without him at night. You miss him if you lose him. Hug him and smile to sleep. That's some wonders a pillow can bring to you. Sorry I am trying hard to connect cotton and love. Single? Spend few bucks and invest yourself a pillow. At least till you find a lover.

I apologize for the grievances I caused for the past few months. Neither of us were good under pressured long distance. Gradually I have developed intolerance. I'm so dense. But rest assured. I will change. Changes that will lead us a betterment. Changes to what we deem best. Behaviors must change to facilitate relationship. I will relent. I will tolerate. I will control my emotion. And I hope you will do the same for me. For us. I couldn't really come out a reason to be with you. All in mind is none other than to be with you. If I hope my instinct has good sense of direction, I hope my instinct will not disappoint me. It will lead me to you and to our future.

Everything is summed to the call of determination, never a responsibility.

I tried very hard to make this a short one, as people start complaining my long winding, deviating, random and contradicting thoughts. My bad. I went out of control each time I write about thoughts. Others might find it difficult to understand this entry. Because I wrote it in a random chronology, and most importantly they do not know me entirely.

If there is anyone who understand me, it would be you the most. You, who know me in and out and upside down; You, who was by my side when I was lost and lowest in my life - I dedicate this entry to. Do you remember the drafts I saved in my cell which you so eager to look at before I could snatch it from you? Yes the unforgettable night we quarrel and cried. Yes they are here now. They are dated back to 2008. Combination of all the 98 drafts were put into this. But I doubt you will read this right away and thus the first comment is not expected from you.

As I said, I will show you my gratitude for accepting me as your bf despite all my weaknesses. Thank you for enriching my life throughout the 2 years.

Happy Cotton Anniversary and please take care in Kampar.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

21st and 2nd birthday to him and him

December 03 2009

The temperature was a lot colder than it was outside where the sun was showering the drizzles.

It was his birthday and his birthday:

1. Edwin

Taken on 5th January 2008 in Sunway Pyramid

2. DSC T-2

Both boys celebrated their birthday in Sunway Pyramid, one of the memorable places where my life changes. Let the pictures do the talking, shall we?

Lunch in Subway

Tea time - XXL Crispy Chicken + Takoyaki

3D is never a good choice for a movie. Expensive and inconvenient.

I fell asleep from the spirit of past to the spirit of future.

Dinner was at Ole-Ole Bali, a sister restaurant of Bumbu Bali (Puchong).

Es Campur + Honeydew

Grilled Lamb Chop - ultra big portion!!!

Ole-Ole Trio - super big portion!!!

7th floor - just to show my new hair cut

Dinner was a guilty one 'coz we couldn't finish everything. We left 2 chicken wings and half piece of lamb untouched. Sadly, I don't have extra cash for cake after the meal. Other than that, we were very full and hope they had their superb, wallet bleeding day with me.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

A blow that changes more than expected

We had another blow on the first night of November last night of October. I wouldn’t be sure if it’s related but surely, I wasn’t the same after that.

I believe it was your first time seeing me cried this emotionally. What you saw previously was nothing compared to that night. Did I frighten you? Be at ease. At least you were by my side that night, you shared my pain. Crying alone was worse.

People might think that you are the faulty one every time I cry. The truth is I am the loser who cannot take the pain and started crying.

I couldn’t remember to what we did that night. Why did we broke into argument? Honestly speaking I could not remember a single shit. I tried hard to recall but… to no avail.

My life was dull over the week. There is no up, there is no down. I cannot express, ‘coz I do not know what to think. For the past 7 days my mind was blank. I can’t focus. I can’t concentrate. I can’t like. I can’t hate. I can’t lift my muscle to smile. I am not at all happy or sad. Worse, sex and 林宇中 do not arouse me anymore. Either my mind is emptied I can’t think of anything, or my mind is too congested that I fail to think. I am confused.

At any rate, I could not find the inspiration to turn myself normal. Who is 林宇中? Who are they? Who are you? Who am I? No longer a mirror reflects my image. This entry is what you can expect from me who cannot think at all. I am dirtying my own blog with parts of my lost memories. I look awful down in the pile of mud. I’ve lost my style. In the extreme, I am lost in my own world. Weird, huh?

I thought watching Bleach can heal me. I also thought that by listening 林宇中 from close range, I can actually regain myself. I thought changing my blog template can refresh my mind. But I never thought not only had those failed to cure me, they did not at all attract my attention. Slowly I felt the negative elements surrounding me. Fatigue. Cold. And bored.

Is it possible that Jino did not buy 林宇中’s new album? Do you believe Jino stops watching 林宇中’s drama? Why is Jino not looking forward to attend 林宇中’s little concert in Genting? Jino is not supporting 林宇中? How is that possible?

Simple to say, he is not Jino. He became someone. Someone who is not him.

 
Well? What now? Has that night really changed me? Is it true I cannot return to myself when I cannot remember anything? Does it indicate that I need to recall everything in order to see myself? So you’re saying that I need to go through all the troubles to find out the problems that clouded me? It’s funny to think that I need to walk the opposite way when everyone is trying to forget their problems. Or can I not face the truth that our relationship has problem and I am in denial?

I have not confirmed what changes me. Am I tired of our relationship? Or am I sick of my unprogressive FYP? I don’t know. I only know that I am not the same and you don’t like it. I don’t like myself either. Whether the change is significant or not is not up to me to decide. Has the night taken me so backward? I will wait for your return and find a solution to my zombie-like life. I hate myself dragging my life like this.

I cannot continue writing as everything is so random I cannot piece them together at the moment. At times, I rather become emo than emotionless I am currently facing. It sucks. I am tired. Very, very, very tired.

 

 

[Jino] – A man’s not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Daidomon + Fade To Black

Related post:
The cry of birth
Blow job on my birthday
The not-romantic kayu's 22nd
Daidomon + Fade To Black

October 25 2009

If the title speaks everything, there's no room for elaboration. I assume everyone's dumb, including me, and keep on writing.

Cut the crap short. We have Daidomon for lunch. Yes. Edwin, my mum and me. It's not a rare moment anymore. She voluntarily invited Edwin to tag along for my belated birthday lunch, again. Her presence is the key to what I care the most. The last time we had together was my previous birthday in Shogun. And now this. May I safely assume that she's completely open to him? Can I bring him back and hang around at home as my lover? I dare not think so far but I am already satisfied with lunch. Thank you mum.

Honestly speaking, if it isn't the promotion, the food is never worth the price. Nothing in there to shout about. Or is it me the picky one?

Geisha in Daidomon

Mum then hunts a bag for her Bali trip and her new CNY clothes. Along the way we manage to spot Bleach: Fade To Black, movie 3 from one of the shops in Sg. Wang. It's my favourite anime and we watch at Edwin's house after dropping my mum back to my house.

The collection of Bleach movies.

After weeks of my birthday, I still receive presents. Thank you Piew, Shiau Li, Bui, Seng Seng (who else that I left out?).

Cute version of Hitsugaya from few of them

My birthday finale has finally ended. Shouldn't be expecting anymore celebration till next year.




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

The not-romantic kayu's 22nd

Related post:
The cry of birth
Blow job on my birthday
The not-romantic kayu's 22nd
Daidomon + Fade To Black
October 12 2009
This isn't something that I could lie about. But do you know I always wish a quiet celebration, be it birthday or anniversary? Being one of the highlights in the crowd is not my style. I dislike the awkwardness being the main character while everyone is watching my movements. I don't like people looking at me.
Surprise isn't something I like for my day. Wouldn't you think a cake is sweeter if we bake it together? Don't you think the present can last longer if we wrap it together? The movie will never be any good without you. The point is, our experience enriches while we stay together. What's good if I only participate after the 4 seconds of surprise over the whole process? You get what I mean? To think that we can bake our cake or prepare our candle light dinner, shouldn't I involve to make it a celebration? Are you saying that a surprise is romantic while cooking together is not? Surprisingly, that's the concept I have about surprise. True, I never deny I am not romantic. If you like surprise so much, I will give you on your birthday XD.
Anyhow, surprise can be sweet, depending on who's the one I am dealing with.
My day started a normal routine. The morning is greeted by 林宇中's new song - 七天追到你, too good to brighten my day. Everyone knows I go crazy for him. Almost banged some cars from listening his song.
I reached uni sharp 10.12a.m. for some FYP works and then left for a hair cut.

Key chain from Greg. Ultraman is not part of present.

In Quick Cut, I requested for 林宇中's songs and I was so glad the lengzai Andrew who cut my hair, entertained my request.

Primary school boy hair

Stayed at his house for hours Facebook-ing and Bleach-ing, finally we left for TGI Friday and Surrogates in Pavilion. Not a big hoo haa bout the taste but the price is definitely a WOAH!!! Of 'coz it wasn't me paying the bill.

Jack Daniel's® Chicken & Shrimp

Jack Daniel's® Garlic Marinated Grilled Lamb Chop

I was so close to killing him when a bunch of TGI staffs together with the cake we baked earlier, appeared and sang me birthday song. Taken 250 damage from Hoof Stomp, I did not know where to hide my face. It's embarrassing yet in another corner of my heart I tasted the sweetness of his idea.

Homemade JE chocolate cheese cake

Surrogates - not bad. Doesn't mean very good.

We both knew TGI never serves portion that can stuff us enough. We had more supper in Pandan Indah and that marked the end of my birthday. I am more than glad that you make an effort to celebrate my birthday even though I am occupied with my FYP. Thank you very much. I had arguably the most meaningful birthday ever.

Normal pork ball me and Sarawak Kolo mee

A birthday necklace + card from none other

The next morning I woke up to find myself suffer major fever, flu, sneezing, coughing, headache, sore throat and backache. I doubt H1N1 but I rested at home for a day just in case.

And most importantly thanks to everyone who wished me on my birthday, be it Facebook messages, sms or calls:
Aderine Yap, Akmal Arshad, Alan Hor, Alice Chua, An Pei, Arvin Raj, Bee Ling, Cally Cheong, Carol Lai, Chang Hoong, Chiau Thong, Ching Yeng, Chu, Chun Kiat, Danny St James from LA, Denise Chin, Derick Liw, Dexter Loi, Edward Chin, Eugene Low, Gregory Wong, Hanson Wong, Jeff Chuah, Jeffrey Yap, Jennifer Ivy, Jia Hui, Jin Yu, Joelyn Pang, Johnsoon Thien, Justin Jia Jun, Kang Chien, Kar Pooi, Kenji from Vancouver, Kevin Yee, Kian Ti, KN, Koh, Kuhan, Kun Keat, Lam, Li Fah, Lik Wen, Lyon, Meng Zhen, Mohammad Nazreen, Mok, Muzani, Naqiuddin, Nicholas, Peter Wong, Phon, Piew, Pikey, RC, Ricky, Ronald Kumar, Ryan Mak, Ryan Syaoran, See Jeit, See Lok, Seng Khai, Seong Sym, Shawn Sim, Shee Lok, Shiau Li, Sia Soon Chit, Siau Chien, Simon, SK, Suet Yeng, Suzanne, Thiam Seng, Toch, Tsu Wern, Vincent Leong, Wai Kuan, Wai Yin, Wei Long, Wei Lun, Xiao Bai, Yen Ching, Yeow Poung, Yong, Zarif Jamil and Zaril Razak. Yin Koon, Chai Sing - edited and added 16 October 2009, Desmond - edited and added 20 October 2009

It's such a wonder that so many remember my birthday. Credits go to Facebook for sure. Sorry if I've missed out your name, I promise to put it here if I've missed any.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Long distance relationship?

2 days. I've been moody for 2 days since your return to KL. You thought your childishness and spoilt behavior that I was not myself. Sorry. Not because you almost lost your wallet carelessly that I was sad. Neither because you cannot wake up by yourself every morning that I got my face all wrapped up. Never because you have bad management of dining time that I turned silent. And not because you do last minute study and disrupt all sleeping order that I cried. No. It's not your fault that I behave this way. It is me. ME!!!

When you first intended to study your degree in Kampar, I couldn't respond. I thought I will lose you soon. But I quickly get over it and accept the fact that you had to go because you had to. 3 years are quick to pass, I let you go with confidence in maintaining our relationship. Promised to meet often, SMS, call, webcam and etc (ignore the financial circumstances), we manage to, at least till now. At least I can still reach you.

When you expressed your eagerness to further your master, I am more than glad to support you. However, concerning distance far as Australia or Japan or UK, you sent me into unresponsive again. It is a world I cannot reach upon. You give me the same loneliness again. I was shocked with your interest to further your master all the way to overseas. My inner feeling told me not to let you go.

Yet I cannot be selfish to stop you if you choose to go. If you choose to leave for the betterment of your future, I have no right to stop you. In fact I will let you go as you wish and give you the courage and support to achieve your dreams. I won't comment on your decision whether it is right or wrong. It is also a lover's duty to feel happy and respect your decision.

But if that day really comes, I cannot assure you my nobleness, that my love for you will last till you return. 'Coz without hearing, touch, sight, smell and taste, I have lost most of you. I clearly understand no matter how much I love you now, without those, feeling will change. Gradually if not everything at once. When a year or two pass, no one guarantees how much I will change without you. Future's untold. Do you really think that I can hold you dearly in my heart? Yes I can, if I can still reach you, if I can still hear you.

What confidence do I have to promise that I will not leave you, when you are 4108 miles far away with lacking internet connection, limited calls and different holiday season?

Upon arrival, I hope you will forgive me for ending what we've reached so far. But there's no reason to worry so soon. It's not going to happen in two years. Who knows maybe you won't able to graduate your degree? Who knows if I die before I have the chance to join you in graduation? Who knows you will be doing your master locally? Haha. Sorry for being moody. I should cherish the moment we have, even if it's not long. I love you.

I promise not to emo bout this matter.




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

A trip closer to your life

Malaysia. I return only because I miss my family and friends here.

If you bother to mention me in your blog, then I will gladly reply the courtesy by doing the same. Kenji is one of a kind. He is the first friend that I meet as a blogger. A Malaysian who studies in Vancouver, he is very friendly and talkative at the same time. Sometimes I kill my time chatting with him. Though we've met only twice, I am not sure why, his first impression was so respectable that I felt honoured knowing him and I respect him.

Anyway back to Kampar:

First Day (13 Aug)

If it's not Soon Siew Choo to delay the lab test, I would have departed in wee morning. Her undemocratic decision caused me an afternoon journey. North-South Highway was an easy route but with the heavy rain and blur windscreen, it was another story all over. 210 minutes were long enough to reach UTAR Kampar, which included 100km/h, constant rain and dark sky in addition of lost direction several times looking for the proper highway. Nevertheless it was my furthest journey, emerged champion after Sekinchan.

Jino: Saya pelajar UTAR dari KL, datang nak cari lecturer untuk FYP.
Guard 1: You datang buat apa?
Jino: Cari Dr. Teh untuk bincang pasal FYP. Sudah buat appointment. (Cock lies)
Guard 2: Dari KL? Macam mana you datang?
Jino: Dengan kereta la. (The conversation took place when I was still in the car. Dumbasses)
Guard 1: So you ada surat dari lecturer?
Jino: Surat? Takde, kami guna email. (More lies)
Guard 1: Mana boleh macam ni? Sepatutnya ada surat kasi tau sama kami baru kami tau siapa you.
Jino: Dia tak sebut pulak pasal surat. Kami guna email sebab saya dari KL.
Guard 2: Tunggu kejap saya call office.
Jino: Ooo ok. (Shit! I am doomed)
Guard 2: *Waited awhile* Takde orang jawap call la.
Jino: Ooo ya ka? (Relieved)
Guard 1: Sampai bila you mau cari itu lecturer?
Jino: Kejap saja. Lepas habis cakap pasal FYP saya balik la. Sebab kena bincang pasal tu hari ni, kalau tak saya tak boleh start project. Next sem saya akan datang balik tiap-tiap hari.
Guard 1: Then pukul brapa you balik?
Jino: Lebih kurang 5.30 macam tu la. Paling lewat pun pukul 6. (I knew very well I am not leaving till 7 p.m.)
Guard 1: *Swing his hand asked me to enter*
Jino: Tak payah register ka?
Guard 1: Masuk cepat balik cepat.
Jino: Ok ok. *left the guard house*

The conversation sent my time and petrol wasted. I had hard time entering the campus even though I am a UTAR student myself. Dumb uni with tight security.

Walking in the campus looking blur and lost made me a jackass. One glance and everyone knows I am not a student there. Thinking of how to waste 2 hours in an unfamiliar campus, I spread out messages to those I know studying there. Of 6 people, only Sunny replied. We finally met for the first time after knowing each other for 3 years. And I bumped into Edward mainly because he was very eye-attractive at that time. He was standing on a chair in the canteen making funny movements to some students whom I believe are freshmen. We didn't have chance to chat though.

The night was pretty dull and boring. I was asked to attend a meeting but I refused. Instead I laid my ass on a chair in Insommia, hoping to crack something out of Restaurant City. Unfortunately the cc was so poor they didn't install the proper plug-in. However, I get to know that Vincent Chieng and Joshua are studying in UTAR as well. Probably I would meet them next day. And oh yeah Choon Khen finally added me in MSN. More importantly, Eileen called and we chatted for quite long. In the end I offered to send her to uni tomorrow morning, meanwhile hoping to take the chance as a meet up session.

I remembered I was alone that night. He was studying 'coz he had Microbiology test next morning. While I agreed to resort his housemates request - proofread their assignments. Their basics in English is 'splendid', I abandoned my Immunology chapter 6 to have one assignment done in less than a night.

As the night went 'high', the condom I bought earlier was left untouched.

Second day (14 Aug)

Eileen's going to UTAR by herself. That's what I was told. Meaning that I missed the chance of meeting her. Goodbye Eileen.

Expecting Edwin's class to end at 12, I was suppose to meet the remaining friends within the short period. Pei Zhi, See Jeit, Edward, Joshua, Vincent Chieng, Helena. Perhaps we had no fate. The next class was unexpectedly canceled. Yea can go home early. Goodbye my friends. I was not able to meet you all and that's a great loss. However, it was such a coincidence Nicholas Wong managed to slap me in the face before we left the campus. In conclusion, I could only meet 3 people out of 9.

While screeching to old town, I caught a glimpse of the advertisement "Taste the goodness of CB". I choked in laughter but couldn't snap a picture of it. I took the chance to have my haircut in Razor. Same request all the time - cincai, do as you wish, I let you expand your creativity. Throughout the session she complained a lot about my thick hair and my laziness. And the result of RM 15:

Look better than the previous coconut head

As the sun started falling we had G.I. Joe in Kinta City. 90% computer graphics but it wasn't half bad. At the very least Storm Shadow kept my eyes opened.

Taken outside Kinta City

Driving back to Kampar was indeed scary at night. The curvy roads without street lights burdened me who have bad eye-sight. The surrounding was pitch black, flashes of cars can cause me dizziness. Adding salt to injury, MY FM had to play 思念是一中病. Oh ya MY FM in Ipoh is 100.6! Thanks to me, I am strong and accident never has its chance.

Have a look at the weak light that shone the path

 

To wrap up the night, we had lok lok as dinner. The price looked seducing - RM 0.60 per stick. KL? RM 1.20. We checked out the empty funfair too.

What is my Yoda doing here look pretty?

Lok lok ^^

I wonder how are his housemates going to repay me. After finished proofreading the last assignment, I intended to rest early but I let the nature took its course. No matter how perfect the day was, an argument was the final touch. To not spoil the trip any further, a simple apology was the trick.

The night was 'high' again, and my condom was again left untouched.

Third Day (15 Aug)

When my eyes opened, he was not beside me anymore. But I knew very well he cannot run away. Based on the fragrance from the kitchen, I knew he's cooking my lunch. It's still considered a bliss even if the beloved one prepare you a tasteless mihun ^^. - edited and added 17 August 2009

After buying a rice cooker at nearby shop, I reluctantly headed back KL where studies awaiting. To save a drop of petrol, I travelled back topless and without air-cond. Gosh! The wind entering through the window definitely felt good on my body. - edited and added 17 August 2009

I enjoyed my days in Kampar very much. In these few days I can observe how your life there is. Without proper dinner, proper sleep, proper care. I am sorry I cannot accompany you 'coz I have to graduate without delay. Deep in my heart I know you are strong and you can make it for me. I am waiting for you.

p/s: I did not bring back any strawberry and curry chicken on my body so stop checking me! - edited and added 17 August 2009

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Harry Potter and the Bon Odori - 18 July

Hahaha I feel asleep while writing this. Too tired last night.

Ever since its first debut, I hated that series as much as I hated G. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is the same as the previous - never up to expectation. The story in whole is way too different from the original Rowling creation. And that is also why I detest everyone who wants to watch it so badly. I told aloud it sucks. I warned its boring. I reminded everyone it's a waste of money. Those people who don't know, they follow the trend blindly and 'enjoy' the sucky Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Then they claim how magnificent it was. I sarcastically applaud their experience. Good for them. But sometimes we can't oppose anything when it comes to fate. No matter how hard my heart wanted Ice Age 3, the desperado never gives up on Harry Potter. And I gave in to Albus Dumbledore instead of Harry Potter after preaching.

The story was just fine, not much battle and action scenes to be expected. I only read the book once and don't have good memory to the books. The whole book itself serves as an intermediate of the next finale and that is why I find it quite dull. But if my memory serves me correctly, the first year students are not allowed to join Quidditch team but in the movie Harry is seen holding a tryout session with the freshmen in the field. Did the movie get the book wrongly? Or was it me wrong? And before Dumbledore is confronted by Malfoy in the Astronomy Tower, Harry is paralyzed by Dumbledore, according to the book. Now, how does Harry hold his wand and ready for Malfoy's counter attack, as illustrated in the movie if he's supposedly stunned? And before Harry is leaving with Dumbledore to retrieve the Horcrux, Harry supposedly hands the remainder Felix Felicia over to Ron or Hermione, either one in case of Malfoy's foul play. But did I see Harry gulped everything in the earlier scene? I think the director modified a lot for his own convenience.

The most remarkable scene in the whole movie, I personally think the best of the 153 minutes was Dumbledore fends off the monsters in the lake when retrieving the Horcrux. I love any character that is wise and powerful. Such as Yoda in Starwars, Professor X in X-Men. In this case, Dumbledore. The scene is covered with fire ring by Dumbledore, despite his weakened body in order to protect noob Harry from danger. Very nice burning flame, that is his last play as the most powerful wizard, that's our headmaster of Hogwarts. Besides that I don't see other good scenes. None. You think newly appointed Potion master Slughorn is funny? Muahaha 'so funny'. Do you see the hatred of the new Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor Snape to Harry? No he does not show at all. 'Coz there is no mention any of his classes in the whole movie. The director did so badly in squeezing the book into a 2-hours movie, that the movie looks so horrible.

Oh oh oh by the way... there was one good thing Harry brought to us. In the midst of the crowd leaving the cinema hall, we found a RM50 note on the floor, which was used to subsidize car park and lunch later.

We rushed for Bon Odori after nice sleep in cinema. Panasonic Sports Complex was the venue for the 33rd Bon Odori 2009. For the sake of enjoying the Japanese festival for once, we drove more than 24km, up to the very unfamiliar Shah Alam. Arghh!!! MY PETROL!!!

No pics 'coz camera died before the festival started.

The brilliant driver (me) got us there safely. Surprisingly, we did not lose our way there! By the time we reached it's 6p.m., looking for a near parking space is hard. Maybe this is KL's Bon Odori, I see no fun at all.

Firstly I hate crowded area and the place was flocked with Malaysian and Japaneses, all over the place. I found myself suffocating. Ochlophobia? I don't like festivals and countdowns. If it's for 林宇中, I will probably consider XD.

Secondly, entertainment wise, there wasn't any games for us. I expected some traditional Japanese games such as goldfish scooping goldfish or spinning top but we could only spot a huge tent selling rubber balls. The organizer can at least prepare a cotton candy stall or a mask stall which makes the place more Japanese atmosphere. The only entertainment was the boring and repeating traditional dance throughout the 2 hours festival. There's no telling how I behave if Doraemon was there... There's firework in Penang's. Did KL have his? I left early so I wasn't sure.

Thirdly the food sold was not really attractive. Besides slightly overcharge which I care less, the taste was... quite ok la. Considering the food being prepared by students, right?

The day was interrupted at 7 p.m., when he saw someone. And because of that so happen that I saw him too, I cannot help feeling uncomfortable. My heart felt unease. I don't like him. Sorry for being emo. Change topic - weather. Not sure the real reason, the haze was so terrible on that day. Wait! Was it flying sand? Or was it cooking smoke? No sign of raining but the sky wasn't nice that day. My friend says a lot of lengzai lenglui walking around and he enjoyed cruising the place. Unfortunately I was so tired my eyes cannot see anything. Where's the camera!!!

We left the place about 15 after 8 due to unsustainable fatigue. But we had more dinner at Kuchai Lama and to have 烧鸡翼 at Kuchai Road instead going home for rest. This was also the moment I think my spirit rose highest in the day - 'coz of food? Finally 海底燕窝 at Edwin's house and overnight marked the end of 18th July. And... that's not the end yet ngek ngek.

How's Bon Odori? That's my 1st experience for me. Not bad but not a good one either.




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Why did yesterday ended that way?

Friday. 3rd of July. Sunny. It's a day I long expected and another day of anxietily waited since month ago. If it's not because I miss you, I couldn't come out with other better reasons.

The day has finally come yet we carve dissatisfaction in our faces when our eyes meet. Many things take their seats along the way back home, including the 'Masupia' we're going to watch tomorrow leave us in despair.

And then I request something dangerous from you today. I know how dangerous it may sound to you, but it's your reaction I least expected. The way you reject me with mysterious secret worries me to hell. Is it my darkest fear of long distance relationship? What is it? You left me in questions.

Then, I finally understood.

Still?

I know that's a secret you're trying to protect for friends privacy. But I can't help to feel the distance between us is growing apart. Not just the distance to Kampar. You never do this to me. You will be the one to tell a lot of stories here and there which I don't have reason to feel interested with yet I listen all the time. 'Coz that way we don't quiet down. But at that moment... I go blank. I don't know how to react but keeping silent is my best resort I could come out with. The way you express 'it has nothing to do with us' evoke my quietness - so I will not tell you stories that are not related to us anymore.

I am sorry for the eagerness and curiosity to dig out the secret you wanted to protect so hard. I am sorry I took another sip of nicotine behind your back. I am sorry we're watching 'Masupia' today but not Transformer. I am sorry for the boring and frustrated wake up call every morning. I am sorry for everything happen today.

Why must it be the day which supposedly happy, turned ugly?

____________________________________________________________________

Saturday. 4th of July. Sunny. I hope the mood is really as bright as the day is. You know what? After few hours of resting my mind rationalize and wake up fresh. Sorry for yesterday I was emo.

Well, we watch 'Masupia' today. Robots fighting robots. Great sound effects and animation but it lacks facial expression. Though the movie is not exactly of interest to me much, but the 12 hours we spent together in KL is the greatest amongst everything.

I always remind, that romantic season is over. But it's not hard to bring the feel back, especially when we are still loving and willing to sacrifice for each other, right? Why the ruckus of troubles when simple hang out will produce the same result? We do not need to have sumptuous meal. We do not need to give each other presents. Yet I love the way time is spent today very much 'coz it resurrects the feeling of our romantic season back 1 year ago.

My happiness today is beyond description. We have not specifically or specially done anything yet I feel satisfied and overjoy. And finally you submit to my dangerous request. Thanks for everything and I appreciate what you've done for me. I promise to cherish the moment we have as long as I live. Oh, and cintaku bukan di atas kertas~

____________________________________________________________________

On and off, we quarrel and I am quite sad for that. But if I can positively twist the thought, it might be another channel of communication to bridge us nearer.

I don't want to lose you and no... it's not a responsibility but an honour for me to uphold.

How glad can I be more, that our day was unlike yesterday which ended in mishap.




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot