Project 55.5 - Part 1

5th December - 10:06 a.m. (MYT)

One of the things I have always failed to do is to record the journey and feelings at the precious moments in life. While I am writing this on my flight to Hong Kong, I am amazed by how the author could make the books bestsellers.

While I was reading 'The Time Keeper', I have many reflections that I can relate to myself.

The author says Consider the word "Time".

Be on time...

One last time...

There's no time...

I always misuse these words.

The flight this morning is scheduled at 10:35 a.m.. MS and I reach about 2 hours earlier. As token of gratitude for sending me to the airport I promise to buy him breakfast. We may work in the same department and he sits opposite of me every day, but we hardly have time for each other. After breaking up with him, he is facing some challenges too. So I thought this is a good time to catch up with him.

The staff, Khamilah at check-in counter asks if I can volunteer to board an earlier flight.

Yes!

MS answers on my behalf. I will reach Hong Kong earlier and taste the air there for a bit longer. That's how MS reasons. I agree. It's good that she asks, even better if she applies rapport building and need discovery before recommending.

Thank you for choosing Cathay.

Have you been to Hong Kong?

An hour transit may seem rush for you?

Would you like to stay in Hong Kong additional hour to have more rest?

Yes I agree to the request and my flight is brought forward to 9:00 a.m.. I have barely 15 minutes to board the flight. Again I am catching my breath to race against time. Feel sorry for MS for the breakfast.

Just a moment when the attendant serves the breakfast that I start counting.

When was my last meal?

I had Zanmai on Thursday, 5 p.m.. Which is 42 hours without food. Amazing, isn't it?

The breakfast is omelette and sausage which is more than that. I haven't had such nicely made egg for a long time. Probably I'm just hungry.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Managing At Our Best

We are committed to creating a culture where we all perform at our best. Personally, the 2 days training inspires me a lot to what I really want to do on my daily role and how my presence affects other colleagues. It closely resembles self realisation session to reflect on our aspirations and how much we believe in others when they are at their best.

The first step to a change always begin with self.

One of the tools introduced is 5-whys - it helps to explore deeper to identify the cause of our best environment. It has given me insight of who I can be when I am ok (at my best) and how I can potentially motivate my direct reports to bring out their best qualities.

When we focus on the outcome we tend to risk becoming frustrated and demotivated, which is termed In The Box behavior. Before we are drifted away by these emotions, it would be good to get out of the box quickly. Hence we were introduced the tool Emotion - Truth - Choice (E-T-C). It develops the ability to become more aware of our internal thinking that places us in the box. I think I am good in this 'coz I talk and debate with myself whenever conflicts arise. The choice is clearer when we accept truth about the shitty situation - life is not going to end if shit happens. It appears I am correct.

I shared partial of the Project 55.5 in the training, on how things turned sour to my depression. Then how nasty I was to my colleagues when I couldn't take it. Well, somehow I convinced myself to look at the Project 55.5 at a brighter side. The situation gradually improved, slightly at a time. My heart isn't aching as much. The itinerary is now at day 3. There I stand in the room half-crying, half laughing. I am still a human after all.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Been too negative

Dear FY,

It certainly did not feel good to return to office on weekend when every one had yet to recover from hangover. To make the day worse, the first email I read was a manager call back request. 

Looked around but there was no one to share this work load. Unwillingly, I didn't have choice but to call the customer myself.

Honest be told, I could not concentrate on what the customer said for the first 10 minutes. 

"Your problem is solved,,, get it done please" I mumbled in my thought.

When customer moved on to the next part of the story, I sat up straight and told myself I need to concentrate on this part. What the customer said next left me in awe, I could not respond quick enough to fill in the empty gap.

"I am glad every thing is sorted and you are satisfied with our resolution, Mr.X. There is no better way to start my day than you sharing your experience with us. I am confident the previous consultant will be very thrilled to hear your compliment. Thank you and appreciate your time to take my call."

It turned up to be a compliment call to the previous consultant! And trust me, when I reviewed the call, he was so lively and empathetic with customer. This was very unlike him. Perhaps he had the positive vibe that morning and passed to the customer. In a cycle it was passed back to me.

My boss shared this story to her boss, and higher and further. Global Head of Contact Centre congratulated him for such beautiful story. The least I could do to motivate and ensure his effort was recognised was by sharing this with the team. It's a valuable lesson that morning ; Don't be too negative and conclude with assumption.

In a separate incident, a consultant highlighted a possible account take over. This happened 10 minutes before the last manager ended his shift. So sad that the manager had to be me. I really appreciate that she notified us but the timing was seriously wrong. Curse the caller. Anyway this lady has a high instinct in identifying possible fraudsters. And I chose not to ignore her.

Investigating fraudsters calls is painfully time taking. As a result, we manage to identify several more findings and remedial actions were taken. Did I complain on the 3 additional hours I spent in office? 'Coz I did! They are charity!

Emails were circulated so far above. Internal reporters requested her pictures. Several conference interviews were conducted. Visitors who visited us requested to meet her. Our Group COO made a special request to speak to her during his visit to our office.

My name was not mentioned. No one but the same consultant ever thanked me. Heck that did not matter. 'Coz I know if I did not do this, more customers will be victimised. If ever I turn my deaf ear to her, she would not be where she is. At the very least she knew I helped her. Her picture is right at the entrance of the building. Her video was uploaded in internal news share. Little did we expect the investigation will turn her into a super star. I felt so proud her effort and talent was recognised.

Dear FY,

In reality many managers, me inclusive, blame the staff for not performing. I overheard a conversation last night between two staff near me, and I felt the same pain as they did; I meet KPI A, but it's not good if I fail KPI B and C. We find fault in them, hoping they will improve. How much more motivation are we taking away from them if we keep doing the same? How much support have we given them, I start to wonder?

I will be in Bangkok tomorrow, FY. I gave myself an assignment to find answer to my own question : If I have been so negative at work, what do I expect from my people?

Yours truly,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

A quickie

Dear FY,

While my ex boss aka current colleague is leaving for career progression, the happy moment is shortened with depression. The sifu and my entertainment was my sole motivation to work. I really do not feel comfortable to depart with him. Or many will agree that I depend too much on him, living in his shadow.

My relationship is in a mess and I really do not want to mention it here. Conclusion of my relationship : My pillow is my loyal lover.

iPhone 6? Coffee machine? Australia trip again? Too materialistic as a human, my salary and bonus are simply not good enough for any of these. I am a sadist.

Sorry FY that I am being a negative person again. It is difficult to see myself dealing with things. 

Perhaps on a brighter note I find it soothing when making churros. At least it is relevant to my dream. It is my honour if you try one of this.

Yours truly,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

If I were to die tomorrow...

If I were to die tomorrow, what is one thing you would always remember about me?

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

To overcome one of my weaknesses (Part 1)

Part 1

The day was so depressing when friends scored A in the English paper while I was a laughing stock for scoring only C. As a man in pride, I made promises (to myself) that never again shall I be laughed at.

No journey comes without challenges. At first I thought it would be costly to improve my English. You know... British Council and all classes. Crap! But your blog motivated me so much back then (even now) and I still visit your place to get myself inspired. With some room of improvement, I am glad I have reached a level decent enough where majority can understand my English. Wee~ Never have I thought it could be this simple. What had I done differently? All thanks to the right attitude and discipline... and you.

Anyway that wasn't the point!

Now my next focus is to master the command of Chinese language. Lacking of exposure is definitely a drawback but is never a barrier. I place my next 365 days in bet to fully read a Chinese newspaper without flaw. Impossibru? Watch me.

What's your excuse?




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Blogiversary and gymiversary

Today is an important day for two reasons. The first reason is that April 13 is the sixth anniversary of this blog. I could never have imagined that I would still be happily blogging after I started my career life. Of 'coz, anyone would have realized the tremendous decline in posting over the years. There was a huge difference of anticipation towards blogging now and six years ago considering the work load and amount of time I spend at home. Life's been dull. Many drafts in the blog are pending to be edited. Procrastination? Writer's block? I just couldn't muster enough discipline to channel my thoughts into proper words.

But, hey! Never in my wildest imagination did I think people would still visit my blog and befriend me. Thank you for sharing the fun and keep me going with your support and comments. Blogging is my best way to improve my English. There are many grammar rules in English that I am not aware of. This is the place I am going to put my English to the test. 

Most importantly, I still uphold the belief of "write to express, not to impress". There may come a time when the writing feels flat and lifeless. I'm pretty sure I understand that. That is why I am amazed how we are still pressing on.

The second is that today is also my one month gymiversary. In other words, I joined the gym last month. The main reason is the gym is only 10 minutes walk away from where I live. I'd never go regularly if it weren't really convenient. And I admit that I have been slacking a little on my diet. In a few cases I have been feeding on bread and toast. To add insult to injury, my mama does not corporate and I ended having mountain of rice down my gut everyday. The carbohydrate intake is a bit too high to my liking. Friends advise me to get myself protein drinks to obtain fast results but it is unfortunate that I am currently suffering a minor financial crisis. One month. In another month, I will resort to protein drinks if no prominent result is observed.

The gym has the least visitors at 6.45 a.m., which is the gym's opening hour. And I love this hour not because there are hunkies roaming over the floor. On the contrary, the gym is very empty and suitable for people like me to workout. Imagine yourself in the gym during peak hours and you are using a chest press machine at 26 kg. Then next to you, stand a hunk with "WTH are you doing at 26 kg?" eyes staring at you. When I move away, he wipes the sweat off the seat, and switch to 54 kg. 54 is not my number - not as a beginner with my physique. If you do not understand, it is personal space in question. Truthfully, I can easily lose confidence and feel fearful when someone's watching.

As much as I love personal space, I seriously don't mind eye candies in sauna and locker room. Putting my gym routine aside, my eyes were rewarded with two Japanese walking in the locker room without a single thread during my first visit, right in front of me. They weren't too built. Their skin weren't as fair as I imagined. Their thick bushes tempted me to offer them a trim. I saw them again in another afternoon, no further action was taken though. Nothing was more rewarding since then. I no longer see them as I hit the gym early morning. Workout in the afternoon was probably not a bad idea, after all?

There is not much expectation from a month of gym. Though I begin to feel some fine lines on the abs, abs don't look sexy without a developed chest. Till I manage to get a better body, I am reluctant to show picture here. Fingers crossed, I give myself half year period for significant results.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Happy Cotton Anniversary!

First post of the year, which was written in rush. Distracted by screams of DOTA players in cyber cafe, I wrote this post with undetermined mixed emotions.

January 09 2010

The title sucks haha. In case you could not remember the entry I posted 365 days ago today, check here and you'll remember how important today means to us. The previous was a closeted one. I shall no longer hide in shadow. Reach out the hand and touch the light. What if others found out? I'd proudly tell. Instead of blogging of how we spent the big day like everyone does, allow me to trail the road not taken by expressing my feeling in commemoration to date.

你们gay佬变心还厉害过女人换衣 (You gays switch partners more 'geng' than women change their clothes).

Remarked dad of a friend of mine. His eyes are loathingly filled.

Splendidly said. His comment is strictly accurate. His words are no crude. I didn't think he is insulting any of us. Personally I believe he is right in every senses.

I have witnessed many who have failed their relationship. Disheartened for days, they resort to switching.

Jino: Hei how's your weekend?
Fag: Fine. I am meeting my bf later at his college.
Jino: College? Isn't he working?
Fag: Who are you talking about?
Jino: You and Sausage Jockey?
Fag: That was over. I am now with Penis Phantom.
Jino: Ish again you change? Why was I not updated yesterday?
Fag: You were not here this morning.
Jino: =.= *haunting silence*

For the switching frequency is so high, I would not be surprised if you are not able to keep up with updates from your friends. So it's ok if you are left out of the picture over time. After all, this is daily news I am talking about. Their stories can never be long enough to make into monthy or annual magazine. When the same person came to me telling 3 stories of different characters in a month, I can say something must be wrong with him. Overtime, I lost the feel and heart to save him. I've exhausted all my opinions. As a friend I cannot do much. Clearly, isn't it boring to find that your advice are just not useful to him? To see your friend as drama king as they are, I can't help disheartened.

They may be the most pleasant and mature guys you've ever met. But you'll never fail to notice the true personalities of these drama kings and queens once they come to love. He may say "Dear I love you forever" today. But you will find him spilling the same phrase at other guys the very next day. Mind you, I was exactly a bastard like that, once. Ok thrice. Sorry.

What mind do you have when someone propose to you? What pinnacle can we reach if the love only last a day? Why the drastic change?

One could not escape fate. I was caught up in misfortune of sort thrice in a quarter year. Not as exciting as theirs though. I do feel bad once a while but now I had little remorse compared to 2 years ago.

What meaning does love represent to the human of diversity?

1. Love as what we have for our children.
2. Love that melts, that talks, that walks and that obsessed.
3. When the great sex dies, that's the end of love.
4. To love someone more than yourself, or to love yourself more than anyone?
5. Fanatics who dedicated their unrequited love for God.
6. Love is there when you need it.
   

To they, who believe to never love a love that hurts and never hurt a love that loves - then why break and end?

I remember over the pomegranate dessert me and Kenji had the other day. He said: They (exclude the both of us) who have no marriage, no babies, no family as the source of commitment, behave promiscuously. The relationships are very shallow and uncommitted even if they do form. Absence of commitment to shape the relationship is, thus unable to form long term relationship. What are their goals in the relationship? Not the exact words he spat out that night but is something like this.

But I would like to move on from here. When we are dating, finding out that we've the chemistry we call 'love' is wonderful and addictive. One can feel the rush of hormones and delight of affection, but the feelings shift with the passage of time. Many people like us are selfish and immature, trying to avoid the grown up process of making choices that relationships require. He has his life compartmentalized, he seems less communicative, pays less attention - you feel ignored and resentful. Things start to feel stagnant. The warmth may not be as intense as it was at first. The excitement burns out itself and it is a matter of weeks or months it's gone. Hence, the romantic season is so-called over. And it may take a long time to wake up to the reality that the relationship is going no where. And it is sometimes hard for dating couples to understand exactly where they are in the journey of exploration and commitment.

Generally there is no difference in both homo and hetero besides the level of occurrence. Gay relationship shows more prominent trend. Break and rekindle, break and new partner, break and die. Obviously more flaws. I don't mean heteros don't break, but not as much as homos. In case you have not realized, homos are flower heart.

So the dad of my friend is right. We keep changing constantly in search of a suitable partner where source of commitment is lacking. We are nothing more than jumping on the same spot.

While my love is not just a sentiment or feeling, but is also a choice. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with death.

There is nothing noble in me to believe everything in love. Occasionally I succumbed into impression that one day I will end up like them. Separate due to lack of commitment and responsibility. Or feeling evaporates. Lost of touch. Or mainly misunderstanding among the both of us. But I know very well. It is our responsibility to seek the source of commitment that will hold us strong. The commitment which dances to honour our partnership while not losing our sense of individuality. We are no different from the 3 months of romantic season if neither us do anything.

I know too. This might be quite a challenge when emotions are close to the surface. For this reason we fell into the trap of avoiding conflicts. Who doesn't understand the fact that avoiding conflict often results in storing up resentment and grievances? One or both start withdrawing and it begins to fade.

If anyone can, please answer: What are you expecting from the relationship you started? Is it marriage? Is it baby? Or is it just a customary step to follow?

What if I am stingy and I choose to live alone?

I started to ask myself. What is there for us to achieve in our relationship? What am I seeking from you? Where is the root of our love? Or easier - How to maintain the word call love?

It is true that the opposite attracts but it is common that unites. Ability to communicate feelings. Compatible attitude. Time investment. Without these love is not enough, no matter how much we want it to be. Remember that a commitment more likely to mean something if it's freely offered and not given because your partner feels intimidated. And so be reminded not to be fooled by Beatles' 'All You Need Is Love'.

My previous relationships ended on my accord. There was no once I was dumped, because I dumped them first. The feel of being dumped, I have never felt. I would not want to try either. Therefore I clearly know that I have no right to say what I want to say next. But no matter what the circumstances are, I hope that friends who have fallen in relationship will not choose to give up. It is important to believe in the word love despite the disappointment you experienced in every relationship. It may be an uneventful incident comes with sacrifices but in long run it'll the crucial element that serves great memory and experience for your next journey. And most importantly, you get to strengthen your heart and learn to draw lines from hypocritical people. Sorry again I have no right to say such thing. I for one believe that love is the one thing that can overcome so many of the difficult times that we are faced with in life.

Trying to scratch my head to pull this out, I have no answer to what I've come up to myself. On a lighter note, few friends have actually found their loved ones and I am so happy for them. Sendiri tau tau la...

True love is like a cotton pillow. Be it happy or unhappy events, we share the stories at night before sleep. Feel painful? You cry and pillow never fails to absorb every drop of tears. Angry? Bite him, kick him or throw him and he will return to you. You can't sleep without him at night. You miss him if you lose him. Hug him and smile to sleep. That's some wonders a pillow can bring to you. Sorry I am trying hard to connect cotton and love. Single? Spend few bucks and invest yourself a pillow. At least till you find a lover.

I apologize for the grievances I caused for the past few months. Neither of us were good under pressured long distance. Gradually I have developed intolerance. I'm so dense. But rest assured. I will change. Changes that will lead us a betterment. Changes to what we deem best. Behaviors must change to facilitate relationship. I will relent. I will tolerate. I will control my emotion. And I hope you will do the same for me. For us. I couldn't really come out a reason to be with you. All in mind is none other than to be with you. If I hope my instinct has good sense of direction, I hope my instinct will not disappoint me. It will lead me to you and to our future.

Everything is summed to the call of determination, never a responsibility.

I tried very hard to make this a short one, as people start complaining my long winding, deviating, random and contradicting thoughts. My bad. I went out of control each time I write about thoughts. Others might find it difficult to understand this entry. Because I wrote it in a random chronology, and most importantly they do not know me entirely.

If there is anyone who understand me, it would be you the most. You, who know me in and out and upside down; You, who was by my side when I was lost and lowest in my life - I dedicate this entry to. Do you remember the drafts I saved in my cell which you so eager to look at before I could snatch it from you? Yes the unforgettable night we quarrel and cried. Yes they are here now. They are dated back to 2008. Combination of all the 98 drafts were put into this. But I doubt you will read this right away and thus the first comment is not expected from you.

As I said, I will show you my gratitude for accepting me as your bf despite all my weaknesses. Thank you for enriching my life throughout the 2 years.

Happy Cotton Anniversary and please take care in Kampar.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Irreversible chemical reactions

December 20 2009

Many biological reactions proceed in both directions at the same time, attaining the result what we term 'equilibrium' of both reactants and products concentrations. Thus the reversible reaction.

While a lot of reactions are reversible, there are also countless irreversible reactions on Earth. Given example as below:

And some compounds are destined not to react from the beginning.

The chemistry law of love is no different from applied sciences.

I know that sometimes people don't mean to hurt each other or make mistakes. After all it is human nature to make mistakes and stumble over hurting to you or by the person you love and trusted most in life.

Of 'coz there are mistakes that are obviously wrong you've done by accident. There are a lot of mistakes - big ones, small ones, horrible ones. Some mistakes are easier to forgive than others. Mistakes, when replied with apologize results forgiveness, is a reversible mistakes.

While we make a lot of mistakes in lives, there are mistakes so serious that both parties are scarred. Eternal scars. Trauma. It's so serious that when the scars cannot be undone, it is an irreversible reaction one cannot just forgive or tolerate even if time is prescribed. There is absolutely nothing I can do to change the thing I've done in the past. No matter how much I make a silly face, change the subject or wittingly humour it, denials are not welcomed.

A lesson is learned but the damage is irreversible. Mistakes in love will not go unpunished.

It doesn't matter how respiration resembles the reverse of photosynthesis, they are two different cycles. One involved light and dark reactions while another involved Kreb cycle. One in chloroplast and one in mitochondrion. Just a general comparison but... nevertheless they are different kind of reactions. Isn't love the same? I tried to reverse the mistakes that I made but the outcome is never the same as before. The little differences are what instilled in you, which inevitably haunt you.

Costly mistakes in relationships can indeed cost you your cherished partner. Simply put, a crime, once committed, is difficult to erase. When resentment sets in, the type of emotions that is irreversible even if I tried so hard, can be reversed? No.

The hardest smack in love is losing trust. The lost of faith is not simply rebuilt with sorries. The doubt and suspicion forever hunts. I am sorry.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

My English is so very the powderful

It was long ago I use English as a language to converse other than in presentation. It is time to realize that my English is bad, especially in daily conversation. One is Kenji (few months ago), and then Dexter (an hour ago). These English educated people whom I met recently speak good English. Not to mention they are good looking too. It never come to my attention me so low and weak compared to them. They don't use bombastic or poetic or philosophical terms, but the way they converse actually surprised me and I was fascinated at their choices of words. Honestly I never feel this bad till I speak to them face to face. Simple yet polite while my English pasar doesn't match, so to speak. Of 'coz I don't have problem understanding them, somehow I feel low standing next to them. They must be thinking I speak weird English.

Ben and Denise speak good English too. But as we speak, they lower down their level so much for people like me to understand. To think that our difference is this much bothers me. It's only fair I blame myself for being weak. I tried not to think of this but that was proving difficult. What other ways can I improve if people around me mostly use Chinese as intermediary language? Ok I will start reading from today.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Wrong words

Straightforward, free of ambiguity cut a lot of unnecessary craps. Bla bla bla~

Yet we have the tendency to only take in good words and compliments which may be cheap lies, so as to gain self satisfaction and motivation to keep living. At the same time we reject opinions and comments that oppose our pride and belief. If my English is only a slight better, I should able to recall the proper word for this kind of people.

What these people like ourselves hate the most are the people like ourselves who is straight. Or flimsy if it can substitute straight.

The ultimate peril of these straight and flimsy people is the inability to bend words and putar belit the truth.

Sadly I inherit the straightness from my mum.

One wrong word and he is offended.

Wrong way of expressing inner thought would cause a cold war.

Even when writing this, there will be people to find my words rather rude and offensive.

Be it love or friendship or seniority, let's face the fact that people are present oriented imbeciles deaf to the language of truth. We lie to hide. Honesty is destruction. Worse, we clean some shoes to achieve certain goals. Honesty and straightforwardness may need a twist to ease things up. Is this how we get things done or is this just life?

Speaking of which, I am a man of no word. Maybe I should just shut up and stop talking to avoid making things worse, agree?

Here I thought I've learned my lesson, which clearly I did not. I repeat the mistakes again.

Word's a double edged sword and might inflict injuries on the user himself. No, let's not speak unless you are razor sharp in the brain. You might just hurt someone without realizing. Shame.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Rain/ 雨

I pause for a moment as the clouds wet the sky.




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

A blow that changes more than expected

We had another blow on the first night of November last night of October. I wouldn’t be sure if it’s related but surely, I wasn’t the same after that.

I believe it was your first time seeing me cried this emotionally. What you saw previously was nothing compared to that night. Did I frighten you? Be at ease. At least you were by my side that night, you shared my pain. Crying alone was worse.

People might think that you are the faulty one every time I cry. The truth is I am the loser who cannot take the pain and started crying.

I couldn’t remember to what we did that night. Why did we broke into argument? Honestly speaking I could not remember a single shit. I tried hard to recall but… to no avail.

My life was dull over the week. There is no up, there is no down. I cannot express, ‘coz I do not know what to think. For the past 7 days my mind was blank. I can’t focus. I can’t concentrate. I can’t like. I can’t hate. I can’t lift my muscle to smile. I am not at all happy or sad. Worse, sex and 林宇中 do not arouse me anymore. Either my mind is emptied I can’t think of anything, or my mind is too congested that I fail to think. I am confused.

At any rate, I could not find the inspiration to turn myself normal. Who is 林宇中? Who are they? Who are you? Who am I? No longer a mirror reflects my image. This entry is what you can expect from me who cannot think at all. I am dirtying my own blog with parts of my lost memories. I look awful down in the pile of mud. I’ve lost my style. In the extreme, I am lost in my own world. Weird, huh?

I thought watching Bleach can heal me. I also thought that by listening 林宇中 from close range, I can actually regain myself. I thought changing my blog template can refresh my mind. But I never thought not only had those failed to cure me, they did not at all attract my attention. Slowly I felt the negative elements surrounding me. Fatigue. Cold. And bored.

Is it possible that Jino did not buy 林宇中’s new album? Do you believe Jino stops watching 林宇中’s drama? Why is Jino not looking forward to attend 林宇中’s little concert in Genting? Jino is not supporting 林宇中? How is that possible?

Simple to say, he is not Jino. He became someone. Someone who is not him.

 
Well? What now? Has that night really changed me? Is it true I cannot return to myself when I cannot remember anything? Does it indicate that I need to recall everything in order to see myself? So you’re saying that I need to go through all the troubles to find out the problems that clouded me? It’s funny to think that I need to walk the opposite way when everyone is trying to forget their problems. Or can I not face the truth that our relationship has problem and I am in denial?

I have not confirmed what changes me. Am I tired of our relationship? Or am I sick of my unprogressive FYP? I don’t know. I only know that I am not the same and you don’t like it. I don’t like myself either. Whether the change is significant or not is not up to me to decide. Has the night taken me so backward? I will wait for your return and find a solution to my zombie-like life. I hate myself dragging my life like this.

I cannot continue writing as everything is so random I cannot piece them together at the moment. At times, I rather become emo than emotionless I am currently facing. It sucks. I am tired. Very, very, very tired.

 

 

[Jino] – A man’s not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Financially upset

One of the reasons why I love internet so much is because it keeps me occupied all the time I want.

Every now and then I am haunted when I idle. Many a times when I thirst to online, the emptiness builds in me often screws. Negatively my mind is dreaded to the unsightful side of me. The sorrows I hide deeply can no longer kept hidden. Looking at my own pathetic look kills my own appetite. While others have at least a punching bag, I hate to not have other ways to express myself besides here.

Before I had my baby no. 1 aka this computer and Streamyx settled in my house (before 2005), there's a habit of writing my emotions and feelings on strips of paper and collecting them in a large envelop. If it isn't mum who found the envelop in the stash of old cupboard, I would never notice its existence anymore.

I break into smiles when I read the strips, not because there are funny stories or embarrassing moments printed on them. I laugh at my innocence, probably nuisance when I was young. On how my brother framed me on the broken vase. On the sounding sessions in FKL Scouts. On my depression when I scored only 60% for my History paper in Form 3. I hate to recall myself being this childish in my teenager years but those were not something I can forget easily.

Of the 287 strips, there is a common problem I always grunt about. It's regarding my financial status. In Form 1 and 2, my pocket money was RM 30 a month. Back then, yumcha and movies were not popular as currently they are. My student life was pretty flat. I barely used a single cent in school, so I saved a lot in my Dragonball bank during the years. The unrest began when I reached Form 3. There was an increase to RM 100 a month because I need to stay back for scouts. At this stage I found myself rather hard to survive. Under influence of Starcraft and Warcraft with Mok and his gangs, RM 100 was not enough for daily cyber cafes. To think that I skipped my meals for games, obviously I was addicted.

"8th August (2004) - My pocket money left RM 30. Overnight in Ezone for 2 nights cost me RM 30. I can only go Ezone 1 more time" - one of the strips. You can clearly see where all my money went to.

I never imagine myself spending so much time and money for games. I hardly eat and drink just to satisfy my lust for Ragnarok coupons and bot my High Wizard. I became so poor that I was grateful with just plain rice and curry for RM 1 at Petaling Street before my tuition. I can't believe I was that crazy. Only if I was a bit more impervious.

The grievances I am airing may sound ridiculous. Despite the economic turmoils, my pocket money remains the same. Entertainment has been growing vastly. Unlike 8 years ago we have have Midvalley, GSC, bowling, cafes and sex (oops) ahead of us. With the currency value plummeting, there were times I asked for increment but was never bothered by my parents. I am close to fit the definition of financial crisis.

Don't mock me wei. RM 100 a weak is it?
Why would I do that? It's RM 100 a month.
WTF? What are you going to eat?
Generally I have RM 3 to spend a day. I had McD yesterday with you so I will have 'north-west wind' for today.
WTF? Why so kelian?
That's the life I'm going through.

That's just a part of my lies. The real story should be:

Generally I have RM 100 a month, about RM 3 a day. But if I deduct my Streamyx and Digi bills which mounts to RM 92.50, I have only RM 7.50 to survive on in a month. Practically I don't even have sufficient income to feed on cucumbers everyday.

Have you sit down and think of what to have for lunch with only 10 cents in wallet?
"Drink more water till my bladder burst" is all I can think of.

Have you hold your growling belly and say thousand times "I am not hungry"?
I always do.

Have you been in situation where you can only afford to watch them on table pool because you are short of 3 bucks?
"Ceh the game's boring" is all I can say.

"Tomorrow Chiau Thong is chasing me again for class fund. What am I gonna do?"

I need more money.
I have given you just good to eat but you spend them on non essentials such as internet and phone.

My mum said that. Do you see the difficulties to plea for an increment? There is no resist in her offer, so to avoid further constraint. Never mind her. Be happy with what you have and think hard how to live. Trying hard to be positive here.

Hei. That friend hor, she did some rebonding and colouring. Cost her RM 700++
*I vomit electric

There's sales in Padini, so I buy 2 shirts at RM 99.
Woah, great. *Looking at my RM 15 CNY shirt from Carrefour

Don't step on my shoes! It's RM 200!!!
Sorry my RM 49.90 after 50% discount shoes does not know the price.

Buy shoes again? You have 2 pairs already.
The old one was broken.
But it wasn't 3 months yet.
So? I walk a lot.
Don't you think you should save up and stop buying so much?
This is a pair of good shoes!
...

Mum may I have RM 20 to buy 3 pairs of socks?
Why? There're RM 10 for 5 pairs at pasar malam.
Fine I don't need you.

These pens and notepad are RM 7 altogether. Can I claim from you?
I will deduct from your debt.

I want to buy some shirts.
It's not CNY yet.
I just feel like it.
...

I want a platinum ring.
Go buy it yourself.
Aren't you giving me one?
You have to wait till next month if you are accepting a stainless steel ring.
I don't care. I am buying.
Go ahead.
*Argument

Let's watch Meatballs.
I have no money.
I don't care.
Then watch yourself.
OK. FINE! I AM WATCHING WITH OTHERS!
*Another argument

What happen to our plan to save RM 50 every month?
I don't have money to save.
Do you know that saving is very important? Bla bla bla...
I know but I don't have anything to save.
You really don't understand the importance of saving.
Yea yea...
*Pissed off and super argument

Shit, we lost our direction and now we're trapped in the jam. Petrol's running low too.
Good. I can see you longer.
I KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR PETROL, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO WASTE IT THIS WAY!
*Super duper argument

Testing... testing... Trying MMS with my new phone.
Sorry bro I sold my phone. Now I am using Nokia 1600, the cheapest phone in market without MMS.

Why do you take 7 copies of theSun?
For old newspaper. My side income.
Really?
Abo?

Why do you always drink ais kosong?
It's my favourite drink. I love the tasteless taste.
I hope you are right.
Me too.

How much angpao did aunty from Thai gave you?
RM 50.
Too much. Give me that. We have to return the same to her son.
>.<.

My school pants are tearing and loosening. Are we getting a new one?
You only have 2 more years to go. Bear with it.
I am 29" but the pants is 32" already.

Believe it or not, these are what I always have in mind, just to name a few. I withdraw my coins from Dragonball bank in desperation, risk some laughs and teases by friends. Imagine paying RM 6.25 McD with 63 10 cents coins. Or paying a tube of lubricant and a box of condom with 118 10 cents coins? I would as well like to avoid this but it's my desperate time for money. They didn't understand my situation, and I am fine with it. It's only fair to blame myself for being useless. All I ask is to stop sharing shreds of sympathy. I don't need sympathy. And don't laugh! Dragonball bank is my last resort. The last coin was spent on Genting trip last month already. Isn't it easy to predict my condition is equally bad as someone left in desert; vulnerable and soon to die.

Either way, I never blame my parents for the tough luck on pocket money as I fully aware the differences in my background with others. The weight of one cannot compare to that of the family. That is also the reason why I washed me hands off the issue. In another words, I am trained not to waste. Every cent counts. It is this that I believe I will grow stronger.

Sadly, I fell lonely and empty whenever I am financially burdened. I do not want to spend my entertainment on my parents money. Or any other's money. Should my life is coloured by other means, I can never see my self-satisfaction fulfilled. To escape the jealousy when looking at other people, it is done by my hands, my own effort.

Now do you understand why I wanted to work so badly?
Do you learn to why I claim RM 100 when the parking is only RM 50?
Do you now know why all your birthday, anniversary and Valentines presents are made out of worthless reusable materials?
Do you now understand why I always reject yumcha and movies and karaoke?
Do you now forgive me for 'stealing' my PTPTN for Langkawi?
Do you comprehend my kiamsiapness and calculative-like-aunty attitude?

It's not my intention to hit you with tantrums. There's no issue here. I plainly write out before I completely lose this piece of memory. If you are wondering the capricious me, all because I am too idle at home without internet.

There's no telling what could happen next with only RM 2 in my wallet for 27 days. And my desire for 林宇中's new album on coming Saturday. Every fun comes with a price. That's the least I learn in my family. Maybe free meal with in-laws tomorrow?

p/s: I still hutang my mum RM 306. She is deducting RM 20 every month from my pocket money.

Sorry for another boring post.

 

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Long distance relationship?

2 days. I've been moody for 2 days since your return to KL. You thought your childishness and spoilt behavior that I was not myself. Sorry. Not because you almost lost your wallet carelessly that I was sad. Neither because you cannot wake up by yourself every morning that I got my face all wrapped up. Never because you have bad management of dining time that I turned silent. And not because you do last minute study and disrupt all sleeping order that I cried. No. It's not your fault that I behave this way. It is me. ME!!!

When you first intended to study your degree in Kampar, I couldn't respond. I thought I will lose you soon. But I quickly get over it and accept the fact that you had to go because you had to. 3 years are quick to pass, I let you go with confidence in maintaining our relationship. Promised to meet often, SMS, call, webcam and etc (ignore the financial circumstances), we manage to, at least till now. At least I can still reach you.

When you expressed your eagerness to further your master, I am more than glad to support you. However, concerning distance far as Australia or Japan or UK, you sent me into unresponsive again. It is a world I cannot reach upon. You give me the same loneliness again. I was shocked with your interest to further your master all the way to overseas. My inner feeling told me not to let you go.

Yet I cannot be selfish to stop you if you choose to go. If you choose to leave for the betterment of your future, I have no right to stop you. In fact I will let you go as you wish and give you the courage and support to achieve your dreams. I won't comment on your decision whether it is right or wrong. It is also a lover's duty to feel happy and respect your decision.

But if that day really comes, I cannot assure you my nobleness, that my love for you will last till you return. 'Coz without hearing, touch, sight, smell and taste, I have lost most of you. I clearly understand no matter how much I love you now, without those, feeling will change. Gradually if not everything at once. When a year or two pass, no one guarantees how much I will change without you. Future's untold. Do you really think that I can hold you dearly in my heart? Yes I can, if I can still reach you, if I can still hear you.

What confidence do I have to promise that I will not leave you, when you are 4108 miles far away with lacking internet connection, limited calls and different holiday season?

Upon arrival, I hope you will forgive me for ending what we've reached so far. But there's no reason to worry so soon. It's not going to happen in two years. Who knows maybe you won't able to graduate your degree? Who knows if I die before I have the chance to join you in graduation? Who knows you will be doing your master locally? Haha. Sorry for being moody. I should cherish the moment we have, even if it's not long. I love you.

I promise not to emo bout this matter.




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Commemoration of the beginning

The time heads in an unfamiliar direction...

Sitting on my balcony, sipping on my favourite warm sky juice.

Just finished my breakfast and a little couching, and thought of the previous day's events. It was exciting and loads of fun, to say the least.

It was Fiona and her #200 that triggered me to this post I am now writing. It was then I started calculating, coincidentally this is my 100th. Seriously this is really a coincidence.

Unlike Fiona, the idea to write for 100th entry comes last minutely, thus no special idea to commemorate or whatsoever it may do. But there's one purpose of me writing these; it's to commemorate my inspiration of blogging ever since I started to.

At first I started blogging 'coz of... the intention of releasing my anger and depression badly but couldn't find a right way to deliver. Initially I started my blog in Friendster, and then transferred to Livejournal and then here. I've imported the older entries into archive too.

April 13th 2006 was my first post entitled 'When money play its trick' and 'I don't know what is this'. Both were written under extreme depression that I wanted to tell out so badly but could not. Knowing me a person who keeps everything to himself, I don't like to share my unhappiness. I hardly intend to ask for sympathy, avoid looking like one, if you ask why.

If there's anyone influenced me, or introduced the word 'blogging', it has to be Ben or Denise during U6BF, either they realize or not. 'Coz they are both good writers and bloggers. Under certain impression, for me blogging means writing online diary. Diary means discrete records. Solve the maths equation... 'A blog is an online-written detail entries that remain private and have limited circulation among friends and family'; that's the concept I had in mind.

After my 2nd post (which I bad-mouthed the school administration), classmates came to me offering comfort and close talks. I was surprised my posts were widely published in Friendster, not to mention now everyone can read as they please. How blur...

Oops, slightly off track. Yes, back to the blog. Now I've explained how everything began with single-minded intention of 'online diary' it has transformed to any ordinary blogs found outside; to house my life, my thoughts, emotions, to seek solace, etc. I have to say my purpose of blogging has not changed after so many years. Instead it has become a tool to polish my writing skill? Hope it all goes well. Long after, I considered blogging as part of my life, regardless privacy or not. I remembered when I made my 3rd post, I was excited. 'Coz it will be published. At some rate my hands were trembling, thinking of what I should put in my profile and what I would share. Now that everyone can read mine, would it be boring? Would readers find this retarded? But still, I wrote out the longest and probably the most boring entry in my history entitled 'I Not Stupid' inspired by Jack Neo's 小孩不笨. Carefully I watched my grammar the best I could, to look like a good writer, not a retarded at the very least.

At certain level I couldn't escape constant disappearance from blogging, till when my 1st relationship withered I was more determined to put in effort into blogging. Now instead of disappearing, I found myself overindulging. I put in every single crap I could think of into here, be it one-liner thingy, or a hyper-long entry or lyrics of the songs one sings in the bathroom.

Constantly I could feel the building writer's block. Sometimes I have ideas running in my head, but I'm having difficulties putting them into readable words. I even delete them in my mind before typing them down. Perhaps my life's not as adventurous and exciting to blog about? From certain authors' point of view, they feel at least the same pressure as novel writers to produce a quality, readable and full-of-impact entry for their readers. I guess it's a personal assurance of excellence? Have you ever come across the situation where you just stare at the blank screen and wonder what's the next letter to type? Or you delete everything you wrote as draft beforehand, rejecting the entire content? This is the virtual version of writer's block. I always do. As much as I hate myself being cynical, I have plenty to share so far, but cannot decide which comes first and sometimes I cannot escape tight schedules. Blog is like vege; too long in the fridge and they turn yellowish. Let's see how it all unfolds.

I believe blogging is a good way to express ourselves. Sometimes people can read us the way we write rather the way we speak. Verbal and non-verbal communications are not the really me? Yes, so to speak. Don't look down on the power of words. I once thought, if I less update my blog, let's say once a month, eliminate crappy entries and post only meaningful posts, I would impress many people. People would think I am cool, mature, elegant and philosophical. But the feedback was - fool. One says "write to express, not to impress". Soon I started seeing my foolishness. Whether you write as part of profession or as a hobby, there may come a time when your writing feels flat and lifeless. I learn the proper way to channel my content into words, slowly. It's time to lower own expectation, to fit the 'excellent' level of my writing skills. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I try, low level of ego to impress still persist.

In some corner of my heart I started thinking differently. Some bloggers meet 'coz they share common interests. They even have their own community, be it local or overseas, to hang out together as groups of bloggers. Blogging is also a way to extend our coverage and network, to know more friends. I so wish I could join them, but have to hold the mindset desperately for certain personal principle. Oh, I am contradicting myself, but I cannot elaborate more about this. I've also developed the hobby of reading other blogs; their daily lives, their updates etc, even though they might not/ never know me. For people to read your posts first you must visit their blog. And that's what I am doing in my holidays. I may not be visible or leaving comment all the time, but rest assured I will always remember to read every single updates in my blog lists, to read those who visited my blog.

As Kurotsuchi Mayuri loathes perfection, I wasn't spared being imperfect myself. I made my mistakes along the way of course. No one is able to live in pure bliss. Life is always unfair, up and down, realistic and cruel. Not even me who seems carefree stays the same. Never in this stereotyping community can a human live in his ideal expectation. The important thing is remember the lessons and work on it. Throughout the years, the blog grows with me. And it's very amazing we are still pressing on.

This blog changed my life, literally, directly and indirectly. Big time, indeed. Throughout the 3 years and 48 days of blogging, I have my fair share of bad and good events.

Thus, my 100th post of 'Debris of my mind, scattered everywhere' comes to an end, and it's a tedious one.

Hopefully I do not put anyone into boredom with my own syok sendiri thoughts and so. I was not born a good writer or reader but I do hope that from the blog, I've provided readers with brief impression of who Jino is. I had so much fun writing this post, relaxed, allowing ideas and creativity to flow freely. Think of it as a play date for my brain.

To think out of the box, how many actually reads my blog? You know, I know and the whole world knows.

But hey! What should I write next for my 4th year of Blogiversary?




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Promises that you and I, me and you, he and me, she and me, they and me...

I realized, my mood recently started swinging all the time. At a moment I am very happy and the next moment I can shout at my mama. Feeling like wth, she gave me a tight slap. Nice slap! At least she stopped me shouting around like a moron.

My opinion about promises? Promises must be kept, must be fulfilled. Incomplete promises and empty promises are no longer my style. If I have no confidence in doing it, I won't even promise you. I learnt the day I left. Promises as simple as "I love you forever", "I won't leave you", "You are my only one" are very common couples intimidation. That will make them love deeper, to drive them nearer. They're too good to be true but how strongly would these words stand in the relationship after 3 months or 1 year?

When the love cease you will use the word "promise" - What did you promise me? You weren't real that time? How could this be? Forever?

Empty promises are easy to made. Maybe it's not hard to break one. But for people like me to break it, it seems to take me years for guilt to dilute. Don't you feel guilty for breaking the own faith you gave? It's like scratching your own face, it's disgusting. Breaking own promises leads me fear. How much can one take after confidence striped off? You had gotten your hand ready and I made them dirty. You are waiting me by your window but I never come as promised.

I did not just hurt one, but repeated twice the same. Not to mention some great impacts on my daily promises too... I am sorry everyone. Sorry man I don't deserve you...

Therefore, I don't simply make promises anymore, especially promises I know I can never fulfill. I afraid, I will once again disappoint you, break your heart again. And I don't want history to repeat... Hope that my stance won't break easily this time.

Speaking of promise, SHIT I have Genetics group report to compile and print but I have not done it!!! Must hurry to look for a printer now. URGENT!




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Mask

Since 9 years ago I started wearing mask.
No one clearly seen my true face behind my mask.
For 9 years I have been watching people from my mask.
And for 9 years I have been hiding behind this mask.

Why must I wear a mask?
You must ask the creator of the mask.
Of why I was born with this mask.
So I act along, to live behind the mask.

What is there to cover with this mask?
Something that you not understand without the mask.
I found my confidence and security from this mask.
But can I fool everyone, with just this mask?

When do I take off my mask?
When we are together, only then I will strip my mask.
"Who are 'we'?" asked you, who have no mask.
We, are people, like me, who wear masks.

Thank goodness my mum ripped off my mask.
Reveal the ugliness she least expected without my mask.
But she quickly learns the natural course of the mask.
Now I can walk freely at home, without my mask.

One wonders how further can I run with this mask?
It starts to shatter; I could no longer hide behind this mask.
Absolutely tired I become, wearing this mask.
Let's hope one day I am accepted as I, not just the mask.










[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

My name is Jino, I am not Gino

I think this entry can only be understood by UTAR friends who have heard of the 3G - Geli Geli Ghost story.

My UTAR life has reached the 10th week of the semester. This is the only week when none of the test claims any slot for the week. Lucky me, I can have full access of the time for my presentation prep. 2 presentations in a week. I believe I can do it!!!

This semester requires me to do 2 assignments - Pendidikan Moral (PM) and Cultures and Communication (CC) each. I personally think that I had done a lot for the assignments, I don't know how the others think (I am not asking for reward, attention, sympathy, admiration or what so ever. I am not so perasan la.). Neither did I say my members are slacking and inactive, my members had done a lot too. What I worry is, I don't know how useful my works to them. Can it be all useless, deviating from the topic, nonsense and crap? I copy paste a lot. 95% plagiarism. When you plagiarise, it's very hard to edit 'coz their sentences seem to be perfect, easy to understand and I don't know how to change.

Frankly, I HATE these 2 assignments. They touch the topic I hate the most of all things - RELIGIONS!!! I still don't see relation of religions and Biochem. "God" bless me... *Hachiu* Come on la. If it was homosexual, then it fell directly into my stonghold. But too bad my assignments are about euthanasia and wife abuse. Boring... Anyway I tried to do my part as best as I could. I hope they like it and accept (not appreciate) what I had done.

Burning midnight oil to 2 a.m. is not a problem, I was committed and I wasn't working alone. Moonlight warmth the cold night breeze for me. I had my Winamp playlist playing at all time - 林宇中，吴克群，林俊杰。。。And Chang Hoong was with me that night for CC assignment. My gang was with me for PM assignment (I work with my members, not my dad). I call for a meeting is for discussion and slides prep (not for time-wasting lecture, reprimand and complain session over own dissatisfaction). Complaining or fretting over the workload per capita is not my style, 'coz my aim is for the benefit of the whole group. Really, sincerely, I think this way. I don't have the gut to claim the work as my own work, how all of you never appreciate my work, how all of you never help me and so forth. Because I am not that kind of person.

Even if my members give me shit, I would appreciate it 'coz those are the starter of the assignments, be it good or bad. As a leader, it is very natural to ask for a re-do but I didn't. You know why? 'Coz generally I am satisfied with their works. Although in the end I was the one compiling, elongated and came out the prototype, it was considered our effort together. I call this team work. As we call team work, success or demise is on our account.

Imagine all members did their own part, passed everything to the leader, and yet the leader held a meeting after assignment submission just to express how sad she was, how stressful she was, how she wanted to delete all our names from the assignment, how dissatisfied she was over her unappreciated effort, how rubbish our works were, how her dad helped her so much in the assignment, how angry she was when other members went to sing K while she had to work alone.

"You are here 'coz you were absent when we were choosing members. No one wants you so I take you in".
"Jino you are outsider, you wouldn't understand".
"Do you know that the whole assignment, of 2000 words, 1500 are from me? I did this with my dad".
"You know ar? Part that you give me ar. Full of words ar. All crap ar. I don't know what you wrote ar."
"I can ask lecturer to cancel all your names, and you all can do your own assignment. I can, but I didn't do it 'coz I pity you all".
"I know I am good in doing experiment and assignment, but don't ABUSE my abilities".

If you were in the scene, you will be stunned of what she said, like me. Never had I encounter such leader or human dare enough to say like that, so thick-facely said. I didn't feel sad or pity or regret after listening to her. I felt that my time was wasted for those crap.

Her work must be perfect, follow her style, suits her taste. What she did not do were members approach and understanding between members. She doesn't even realize how communication plays an important role as a leader (If I don't even want to be in the same assignment group with her in the 1st place, where comes the mood to communicate?)

Yes. Assignments are tiring. 我精神快崩溃了。After completing both, I still don't see the purpose of doing them. Pointless. But I feel relief 'coz at least something came out.

Although I think I did most of the work (a bit tak malu), from compiling to final touch up, I never felt abused. I did it voluntarily and I did my part. I don't like to praise myself (though, I like being praised sometimes ^^), but I don't even know if my works fit their taste. If the assignment fails, is it our failure together as a team, or is it my failure as a leader? I am not the same as her, a leader who got 37/50 for assignment, yet dissatisfied over her own work (Assignment was group work but she did 99% of it. So it was her work alone). 37/50? Blame yourself la don't blame us...

When we fail, how should I face my group members, what should I do?

Sincerely from my heart, what I care about is the outcome of the assignment, not the amount of effort I put in compared to others. I don't mind if I work more. What I want is my work to be of acceptance, to be useful to them, to achieve agreement and finally the outcome to be shared together as a group. I don't want to responsible for the failure alone... Unlike her, she cared about the marks so much, but she pushed the responsiblity to us, she blamed her members for ineffective progress, yet the truth was 99% was done by her? She can't seem to understand that it was the 99% that failed us, not the 1%. (We didn't fail, just the lowest marks compared to other groups).

The previous leader gave me a feeling of being so useless and segregated, yet it was not my fault! 2nd time working together, and I was disappointed again. Still the same self-centred, too proud of herself, over-reacting, calculative and small gas G. Since that case, I never talk to her anymore. There's no point doing so anymore. Sorry Piew I will never say NO anymore!!!

Though I am a leader (Leader for PM assignment. Got leader is like no leader. All members are also leaders. There's no official leader for CC), I may not be a good leader in your eyes. I know I don't have what it takes to be a leader. I knew it since long ago. I think power sharing leader suites my personality. I don't remember when was the last time I made my last absolute decision. I like to obtain everyone's agreement before proceeding. A Libra is not a leader type, this I agree so much. Follow orders, I like it. It is my nature to be this kind of leader. It is the characteristic of Libra to avoid problems from happening, to undergo steady flow that does not ignite eruption. Peace lover ^^v.

Gino is irrational, emotional, ugly (Jino is also ugly), bossy, thick face and annoying monster. If by becoming Gino I can actually stand as an effective leader but simultaneously lose bonds with its members, to lose respects as a friend, I rather strip the G rank and behave as what I really am, Jino. I really appreciate you guys to call me Jino. I am who I am. Jino does not equal to Gino, Jino does not express Gino's characteristics, and let's hope that Jino shall never become Gino. Otherwise all of your names will be deleted from the assignment muahaha... ^^

Coursemates who do not know the story behind the grudge might not agree to what I think, they pity her and ask us not to insult her. But what is there to pity when I am only an outsider to her?

Actually, did I do most of the works? I don't know, I am not sure and I don't dare to give an absolute answer. I don't intend to boast myself ok?

P/S: I am seriously not fretting or complaining or dissatisfied. I am glad we did it, though there is still 1 step ahead for the end of the journey. Other than G, others should not feel offended. I am sorry if my collection of thoughts hurt you guys. Cheers ^^...




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

朋友一生一起走

今天我又看见了我另外一位好朋友踏入爱情圈圈了。虽然不太懂他们的情况啦，我个人认为他们俩已经在一起了。他是谁？答应过他不能说的哦。呼呼呼。。。我又失去一个朋友了。我可以这样说吗？你不懂吗？朋友都是重色轻友的。。。

Biochemistry Year 2 Sem 2 Group 1 2009 剩下不多人. 从22个人之中（有一个不是人来的），在未来两年还可以约出去一起喝茶的只剩下5位。目前还有5位单生朋友啦。多两年就不定咯。虽然是这样，我也会替他们高兴。至少他们找到了爱人，有机会可以白头到老，是种幸福啊。。。

废gang成员当中，只剩下Seng Seng和我是。。。哈哈哈。habis咯。要去喝喜酒都去到pokai咯 ^^。


What's good with GFs? GF suka suka angry, suka suka merajuk, suka suka gila. GF will only find you when problems arise. GFs finds you only when they need your help. GF won't even talk to you when there's no necessary to do so. GFs are small gas. GFs are too calculative. GFs like to waste money on nothing and expect us to pay (may vary from individuals). Is this the GFs that all of us are looking for?

Let me introduce someone more worthy than GFs. Introducing... BFs!!! When you need someone, they will lend you shoulders. When you are in trouble, they will be sitting next to you. When you have nothing to do, they will be here to entertain you. When you have something interesting to share, you will think of them first. When you have extra money, you will think of what to belanja them. BFs touch your soul not just your heart. BFs wont pms for no reason. BFs won't suka suka merajuk or gila. BFs are cincai cincai, uncalculative. BFs are more loyal then GFs. With BFs, we can be ourselves. We hope with and believe with BFs. Some how BFs look prettier than GFs (maybe because of how they treat me). BFs are more important than GFs, regardless of boys or girls. No matter how absurd it may look, I found my BF and my BF haha... Cool, huh? For me, now BF is the most important!!!

A Good Friend will come bail you out of jail, but a Best Friend will be sitting next to you saying... "Damn, that was fun!"

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot