I don't want to see you anymore

I had been doing a lot of thinking last night.

The faint weep of dismay danced at the edges of my hearing, kept me from gaining much needed sleep.

Small elements when periodically amassed resulted uproars in the equation.

Chances are, my tolerance knows little bound.

Tired.

Patience means self-suffering.

So speaks Gandhi, and so it is written.

In my ranting, I had slipped my intention - the title.

We exchanged more tears as we drove home.

After all, it is a break up line I don't wish to tell in contrary.

After what we'd been through.

I devoted every ounce of my being taking care of you.

The title - saying it had been an exercise in frustration.

12 of June, 1752 hours.

Both rings were in my pocket.

You finally left with tears.

Freedom? No more sadness?

I had made the right decision, I suppose.

But this was tearing me up inside as well.

Tragically, Jino became single.

However, the existence and all legends about you have since then been undeniable without exception.

The feeling of sorrow was not all the remains in the 886 days we spent.

Someone once said, a relationship is not about changing anyone to what we want.

Personally, I find true love as something that doesn't happen in an instant.

It is a building process.

It speaks the truth about relationship.

Someone says the relationship we have is immature.

Many don't believe we could last.

My mum tried to separate us.

I introduced you to my friends.

More importantly, you are my bf and my bf.

How could I not recall these moments in the idle night I thought I was thinking deeply?

Why don't you strengthen your heart.

When I believe you have more reasons to stay together than to part?

Your love is not worn out.

Not yet.

'Coz you have made promises. Many promises.

Says he, who enlightened, via msn.

An hour later.

My jelly mind was finally straighten.

Once again I placed my trust.

I believe this love will stand the test of time.

Back on your finger, I placed the ring on its righteous place.

I give my thanks to you. Now I am stronger.

Jino was single, and then attached.

Isn't this story, dramatic?

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Not so alone

Little did you know, I begin to love quality time for myself particularly the lacking of this somehow draws a great margin of incompleteness and incompetence, from me. Thus, without Edwin sticking his nose around me, I made some suggestion (to myself) on how to spend the time for myself without him, without friend or without family. Not many were supportive though, mostly were critics, I traded them for a moment and a place where I would be left alone and thought to find solace. Hey. Just because you can't stand loneliness, you don't label us insane.

Transport availability and equipments when taken into consideration quickly discarded many options such as waterfalls and jungles. My mum was shocked to learn my last minute plan, more surprised when I revealed my intention to go alone.

Up the peak, what caught my attention most would be the stiff breeze that clouded my vision. I exhaled to have a split second of what's in front of me. And then I couldn't see anything again. For that mystical instant I waited an hour to appear again but sadly it's not likely happening. That was a glimpse of sight I hope to experience again.

But seriously, I never imagined that a simple walk like this was capable of returning series of flashbacks, to when I was still actively attached to KC. Ermm... After all KC was the first to introduce me what Genting was. He made me walked with him and spent unnecessarily when both were barely loaded to feed ourselves. How would I ever forget the RM 150 donation he forked out from my wallet on stupid mattresses? Never had I expected to pay RM 100 for a cheap, blur, 20 shots instant camera. Those unbearable pain!!!

Only good looking guys deserve a place here.

Bukit Jalil to Genting: RM 5 bus (An aunty offered to buy at half the normal price)

Hainan tea O in food court: RM 3.50

2 bowling games + shoes: RM 15

Sundae in McD: RM 4.15

Starbucks: RM 19++

Prince of Persia: RM 12

Waffle: RM 4

Bus to Titiwangsa: RM 6.60

My next target is to hunt Asam Laksa and Char Kuey Teow in Penang, alone. Whether it's happening or not, is another good question.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Tormented free

Every person I met through uni had some impact on me, whether they became my best friends, enemies, ex or secret crush. Spending more than 30% of my time there had it turned into my second home and everyone there turned into my second family. We may be inactive most of the time, I loved all the activities and the closeness of everyone. Despite the complains on the canteen food, facilities and lecturers we had, UTAR is nevertheless a choice I made to spend my 3 years tertiary education.

UTAR portal was down when the results were released. The waiting was extremely tormenting but the outcome was the best I'd achieved so far. For some reasons, I managed to pass all my papers even though I had already assumed the worst for Genomics. Sounds like UTAR doesn't want me to be its student any longer, so do I never want to be their coursemate anymore.

I am not important. Ignore me. - Dr. Khoo.

PR lecturer was so annoying that I always have reasons to punch her red nose every time I saw her.

Computer Science and Organic Chemistry were the worst as they pulled down my CGPA damn lot that I began my journey with lots of injuries.

Dr. Anna is my favourite lecturer. She's the prettiest and kindest of all lecturers.

No doubt English was the most relaxing subject offered, with nothing to study.

And I was 30 minutes late for my Maths paper due to pukimak traffic jam on the Friday. Wasn't moving from 12 p.m. to 1 p.m., just few steps away from my house. I hate strawberries! Unforgivable.

Pengajian Malaysia was the best, never enter class but scored A in the exam.

The semester I finally understood the importance of memorizing notes. Definitely will fail if I didn't memorize. Memorized 100% for every paper.

Heard of 2k hydrogen bonds between A and T nucleotides? You can't find it anywhere but in UTAR.
If you think that a multiracial country can be built by enforcing ISA, then you are hell wrong. - CC debate.
Kita bertemu lagi dalam rancangan, Jino Talk!

What does a girl have that boys don't have? - Dr. Soon. BRAIN!!! - Seng Seng.

What's the scientific term for lung? Start with the word 'p'. - Dr. Soon. PARU PARU!!! - Anonymous.

Oh yea, 3 midterms for a subject. Stressful. Ridiculous or not?

Photosinsis, fee radical, exponential tam - Dr. Lim, our Bioscience dean, who had left to Taylors. Good luck to Taylors.

If I catch anyone copying, whole class get zero! - Dr. Seaweed.

Connical flank. Retarted stand. I thought they were conical flask and retort stand. Anyway, lecturer drew Nike logo on both answers.

A tree, is a tree lah! With leaves and branches. - Fashion Disaster.

The tips are, study all. - Dr. CB.

I will close both eyes when I mark your paper. It's not like I understand anything you write. - Dr. Not Important.

Is there any pufferfish in Malaysia? - Dr. Seaweed. No! Only in Japan! - Seng Seng.

You know what is magic? You got watch magic show ar?

These were among some highlights I could recall throughout my degree life.

Though it's a second lower class, heck! I've graduated! My next plan is to work my ass out for cash. Goodbye UTAR~ But wait! At a corner of my heart is an overwhelming desire to do masters. Should I? Should I not? I am indecisive, that I agree. Financial is the main concern. Definitely require more advices and options regarding this matter, I need to seek some help. Meanwhile I've spread some resume on the internet, hopefully they hook me up for interviews. Feel free to hook me up for yum cha if you want to. Darn free at the moment.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Perhentian Trip

Warning: A lengthy post with lots of photos and words.

Snorkeling is my least favourite largely due to my inability to swim and my phobia to the sea. However the first trip after my final exams was to Perhentian Island with snorkeling as the main agenda. Wondering what could I have been thinking, to do something against my interest? It was a long story which few of you might have already heard of and I chose not to describe. Simply put, without me, the trip won't make it. Noble, am I not?

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Day 0, 16 May.

Constantly, we kept our eyes on arriving buses and announcements in Perhentian Putra in case we miss the bus. Finally we boarded Mahligai Ekspres after an hour late from its original schedule.

 Cam whore in the bus

We were grateful not to occupy the first row of the double-decker or we suffer sleepless night from flashes of cars light on the opposing lanes.

Day 1, 17 May.

The night was dark. Along the curvy roads, there was no street lights. And we watched the rain fall on the window pane from the beginning till the end of the travel. Imagine how dangerous it was to speed in this conditions, yet the bus never slowed a bit. 8 hours journey in the freezing cold bus was hella tough. Back was aching, legs turned numb, ass sore. Toasted bread and half-boiled eggs as breakfast before the boats arrived at 8 morning. The winds befell us as we continued watching the rain like threads of gold glided down our cheeks.

Each paid RM 5 for Marine Parks Conservation Charges before we were permitted to hop on the boat. Surprisingly, the boat was speeding too fast on the 'bumpy' sea, we 'jumped' a lot on the boat. Furious sea in the rainstorm, plus the boat leaked at the top left me and another handsome, tanned guy totally wet through. The boat then sent few passengers off separately to different resorts, while we were the last to reach our destination. There was no way I can compromise on a wet 90 minutes ride. I hate this boat! I hate the weather!

 I was wet

 Arwana Perhentian Eco Resort and Beach Chalet

DiGi yellow man couldn't swim over to the island, hence the lack of network coverage. I couldn't call home to report my status, couldn't sms Khai to inform him that I was safe. The day was too early before lunch so I scouted around the island, snapped some noob shots with my camera. One of the greatest in the stashes was the rainbow after rainstorm. Seriously I didn't notice until I reached KL.

Picture edited to allow rainbow displayed prominently

Nicholas was running a fever that he withdrew from snorkelling on the first day. The sea was indeed too calm after the rainstorm, allowing me to swim without the need of help. I couldn't take care of Edwin in the sea so I allowed Allen to handle him. I was alone, I might add. Wonderful Nemo, sea urchins and colourful fishes as well as colourless corals. Yea, I even saw a black patch of substance at the bottom of the sea, which indeed was claimed as a turtle. Nothing impressive but somehow I managed to relish in the sea.

Noob and pro swimmers

He really has a big head

We walked around the beach to catch our breath after snorkelling, which ended with cam whore session. The sky turned dark. Aside from the wind, it also brought another round of heavy rain.

Cam whoring

We spent the rest of the night on sinful carcinogenic BBQ meal followed by Indon channel and HBO on tv. There was an extra activity on the balcony while everyone was asleep. That was quite a shaky and hot night. Consequence was, countless mosquitoes fed on my body. Don't have to drop hints to guess what's going on, do I?

Day 2, 18 May.

The difference this time, the not-too-well Nicholas joint us to snorkel. Alex Phang, another group of the same snorkelling boat suggested to visit lighthouse which had more fishes and corals with extra charges of RM 10. Regretful. The current was so strong, I was washed so far away from the ship in an instant. Couldn't survive on my own, a life guard was dispatched to the rescue. And then Allen took the baton and led me back to the ship. I was greatly traumatized after the incident and dare not to snorkel already.

Where the lighthouse incident took place

After the incident earlier, I didn't dare to snorkel anymore. At the 2nd snorkelling spot I stayed on the ship mostly fed fishes with bread and took more pictures. Looked at me with shreds of sympathy, Nicholas offered to lead the ride. I accepted the offer and had few rounds of underwater sightseeing. But he couldn't last long. We managed to struggle our way back to the boat, just to realize we boarded on the wrong one. Embarrassingly and tiredly, we asked if we could be sent to the right boat, to which they agreed.

2nd snorkelling spot

Everyone zonked off after the sea activity, while I was awake, anxiously waiting for jungle trekking. Sadly, I couldn't wake them up and we missed the last chance to hike the hill.

Blue sky, blue sea, white clouds

The night was dull. We had congkak, carom and bluff. We watched tv. And we called it a day early as we need to catch an early bus the next morning. According to Edwin, I took 3 seconds to doze off.

In the garden

There was no activity on the balcony, an extra knowledge in case you ask.

Day 3, 19 May.

It was worrying that we might not able to buy 9 a.m. bus tickets back to KL. If we fail to hitch the morning ride, we would have to wait 12 hours for the next bus. For that, we readied ourselves with every possibility and solutions for the worst outcome. The boat trip back to Kuala Besut was marvelous. It's a 30 minutes ride to reach jetty and none of us was wet was the best of all. Lady's luck was on our side. Seats were available for morning bus and that saved us from a lot of troubles. Similarly, the journey back home was uneventful.

Finally reached home safely with some damages. Firstly, my very last underwear grew moulds, I didn't have choice but to throw it away. Secondly, my soaked-in-sea-water jeans stinks and it deserved a third round of washing. Thirdly I suffer a deep cut on my finger, where blood clot remained at the injury site. It's not as flexi as it used to be. Lastly, sunburn itches terribly and painful, all thanks to the nature lover who objects the use of sunblock in the sea.

Deep cut and painful sunburn

The report pretty sums up the whole trip. Thank you Allen for saving my life in the lighthouse. Thank you Nicholas for the 'ride'.

More pictures can be found here.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Stop writing! To the Stop.

The temperature was a lot colder than it was outside where the sun was shining.

Despite the invigilators patrolling, I received various feedbacks when I smirked on the people around me. My effort was dearly rewarding as I look at the clock to notice I completed my answer script in half the required time. As the clock made its final lap, I can hear the rustling getting more frequent. 

Sharp 11 a.m., 15 of May, 2010 had marked another historical day to the Biochemistry students in UTAR. It's not hard to figure out what happened, is it?

"Stop writing!"

Knowing them well enough, they never were obedient but this day was an exception. No one bothered to stall more time, especially under Dr. Seaweed's surveillance. She sure left us quite the parting gift.

Without losing my composure, I exhaled one strong breath of stress, sorrow, uncertainties and satisfaction into my hands. To gain courage and walked out the room steadily was proving difficult. My heart couldn't decide to cry or to laugh. This was tearing me up inside.

With the student life ended in less than hours, it's never wrong to claim vacation in place after the hectic 3 years of studies. Without the books pressuring along, when else can I find this moment again? Never will! Till official announcement of my exam results is made, I will not hesitate. Not hesitate to move away from my student routine. For 17 years we've been carrying books. For 17 years we had been pressurized with exams. It had finally come to an end*. Enough is enough!

My first immediate move to claim what's lost in the 17 years is to the Stop while everyone was heading to Malacca.

Thanks everyone for all the lucks, support, slaps and hugs in my hardest time. Now that I am free, I can get active in online again.

Zombie after his finals

*Provided I'm not required to repeat any paper in Kampar.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot