Saturday, November 5, 2011

Love game continues

Five years ago when I read this story, it doesn't make any sense.

Later in life when our relationship started falling apart, the same story has spared us the agony of love.

Enjoy reading.
________________________________________________________

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said; I've got something to tell you.

She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the pain in her eyes. Out of sudden, I lost my words but I had to let her know my mind. I wanted a divorce and I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words. Instead, she asked me softly; Why?

I avoided her question and this made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and yelled; YOU ARE NOT A MAN!

We didn't talk to each other that night. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. However, I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; You had lost my heart to Jane. I don't love you anymore. I pity you.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement stating that she could own our house, our car and 30% stake of my company. She glanced and tore it without hesitation.

The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had became a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. Her cry was a kind of release. The idea to divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be clearer and firmer now.

The next day, I came home very late and found her writing on the table. I went straight to sleep very quickly because I was tired after entertaining my clients. When I woke up, she was still at the table. Writing. I turned over and was asleep again.

She presented her divorce conditions in the morning: She didn't want anything from me but a one month notice before divorce. She requested both of us to struggle and live as normal a life as possible for a month. Reason being; Our son will have examination in a month time and I don't want our broken marriage to interfere his studies.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more. She asked me to recall how I had carried her into our bridal room on our wedding day. She requested me to carry her out of her bedroom to the front door every morning for the month duration. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable, I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane the divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. Scornfully, she said; No matter what tricks she applied, she has to face the divorce. Her words, more or less, made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us; DADDY IS HOLDING MUMMY IN HIS ARMS! His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softy; Don't tell our son about the divorce.

I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She waited for her bus to work while I drive alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. When I smelt the fragrance on her blouse, I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. She was not young anymore. There were fine wrinkles on her face and her hair was graying. Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed; All my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. And I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason I could carry her so easily. She had buried so much pain in her heart. I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came at the moment and said; DADDY! It's time to carry mummy out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out became an essential part of his life.My wife gestured to him to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away, afraid that I may change my mind at the very last minute. I then held her in my arms, walked from the bedroom, to the sitting room and to the hallway. Her hands wrapped my neck softly and naturally.  I held her body tightly; This is just like our wedding.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day of agreement, I held her in my arms, not moving an inch. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said; I hadn't notice that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to my office, then jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the doors. I was afraid that any delay would change my mind. I walked up to my office and Jane opened the door. She was about to celebrate our new life when I told her; Sorry Jane. I do not want to divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished and then touched my forehead; Do you have a fever? I moved her hand off my head; Sorry Jane. I won't divorce. My marriage was boring probably because she and I did not value the details of our lives, not because we don't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day, I am suppose to hold her until death do us apart. She gave me a thunderous slap, slammed the door and then burst into tears.

On the way home, I passed by a floral shop and ordered a bouquet of my wife's favourite flower. The salesgirl asked; What would you like to write on the card? I smiled and wrote "I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart."

The afternoon when I arrived home, with the flowers in my hand and smile on my face, only to find my wife on the bed - dead.

She had been fighting cancer for months and I was too busy with Jane to notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through the divorce. At least in the eyes of our son - I am a loving husband.

From a story circulated across the internet for many years.
_______________________________________________________

It is not the mansion, the car, property or money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. The small details of your lives are what really matter in the relationship.

Recall every moment of happiness, pave the way for another chance and you will again see the light to shine your lost path (I don't really agree, but it works for now).

Thanks for loving me.




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Attitude of entitlement

The few instances recently where the idea to end our relationship continue to haunt. It's not once or twice in a year. Rather, it's three or four times in a month that have wearied me. Perhaps my tolerance has deteriorated below the threshold. Or perhaps I don't feel the appreciation that I deserve. The relationship, no matter how I look at it, doesn't look as healthy and glorious as it used to.

Often I lost myself into negativity. 

I am tired.
Should I let go?

Walking together for this long isn't an easy journey. Having said that, I still cherish the rare moments of joy and the constant incoherent argument throughout the love. No matter how hurt it is, a life without you is a life wasted. Without you, I will lose many goals in my life. I am never complete. To give my 4 years of investment another chance, I just have to smile, hold back the tears and pretend everything's okay.

Being a full time lover is so tiring and now I can't stop yelling for off days. Never in my life I request for a break. For once I strongly believe that I deserve some rest to ease my mind (as if the love is torturing me), I humbly submit to you my application for annual leave. A quick trip (without you) will be great.

1) Sun tanning - Pangkor
2) Mount climbing - Kinabalu

May I? Without you?

I already know your answer before asking.

Application declined. Reason: I have to tag along.

p/s: Image is not related to post title.




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Upgrade. Starvation. OT. FB.

Just about to blog something interesting and I accidentally clicked on blogger new interface. WTF? I seriously hate this new layout. It's so plain!

What's the interesting thing? Beat me, now that I am angry with this new interface I forgot what I wanted to write! Damn...

Anyway, most of you have not realized that my old Facebook was deactivated many months ago. Reason which I don't plan to share publicly, only few knew. Sorry and thanks. Things have changed in many ways as we moved on. After four months of disappearance, I returned to Facebook not because I cannot live without it. An agreement was signed. Such agreement would allow me to pierce my ears if I can return my Facebook to its former glory. There were many promises violated when I started this new account. Again I apologize to all involved. But let's not dwell in the past. If you are here and couldn't find my name in your Facebook, please click on the Facebook icon below the blog title and you will be led to where I reside. If you are interested, that is. No obligation.


Using Nokia 5800 XpressMusic for less than 5 months, the mobile is upgraded to iPhone 4 above. Truth be told, seeing one using iPhone on the street to be so common that I feel more superior to use Nokia 5800. At any rate, an iPhone as so zai's graduation gift isn't too much as long as it makes him happy. Which is mine? Guess and you shall be rewarded.

To buy two iPhones does not mean I am rich. Two iPhones in the given time is definitely inappropriate to the year end budget. If I calculated correctly, I will need to save at least RM 1,700 from this month to cover the iPhones and Taiwan expenses for two pax by next September. It sounds impossible but it's achievable - 'coz I am Jino. To achieve these, I need to carefully lessen GSC, Sushi Zanmai, petrol and condoms. To suffer slight starvation and constant overtime (OT) would hasten the process. I sound crazy but they worth my effort. Does that explain my fatigue and low sex drive?




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Thursday, July 7, 2011

It's not building

The picture speaks itself.


Since the progress is minimal, I probably need protein and personal trainer soon.

Paiseh. Picture will be removed in seven days 12 hours. Please, don't throw up.




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Pemburuan makanan Hari 3

Pos berkaitan:
Bahagian 1, Bahagian 2, Bahagian 3

Tarikh: 27 Mac 2011.
Lokasi: Melaka.

Terlebih dahulu izinkan saya untuk memohon maaf kepada para pembaca sekalian kerana penanguhan bahagian ke-3 lawatan ke Melaka.

Sekali lagi kami menikmati sarapan yang disediakan oleh krew restoran hotel. Seperti biasa, tiada keistimewaan dengan sarapan tersebut. Kerepek jagungnya telah lemau ketika dihidangkan. Pisangnya teramat besar dan saiznya teringatkan orang di sebelah saya. Adalah tidak patut untuk kami merungut banyak kerana hidangan hari ini disediakan percuma.



Selepas sarapan, kami mengemas bagasi dan bersedia meninggalkan Melaka. Dengan sedihnya, saya menyerahkan kad kredit kepada penyambut tetamu di lobi dan memikirkan bil yang harus dibayar bulan depan. 


Sebelum kami meninggalkan Melaka, kami masih sempat bertandang ke sebuah kedai yang terkenal dengan pelbagai jenis tart. Teringin saya memesan kesemua tart di sana tetapi perut tidak mengizinkan. Harganya tidak murah dan rupa luarannya teramat biasa tetapi rasanya agak elok jika dimakan sebagai manisan. Keju yang melekat di gigi masih terasa selepas meninggalkan kedai.




Dengan memikul beg yang berat, kami berjalan kaki menuju ke gerai popiah di Jalan Bunga Raya. Di pertengahan jalan, kami berhenti untuk membasahkan tekak dengan ais krim yang tiada keistimewaan. Penulis blog di internet menyatakan ais krim di sini adalah buatan sendiri. Malang sekali, lidah saya tidak dapat membezakan ais krimnya dengan ais krim potong di Kuala Lumpur.


Setibanya kami di gerai popiah tersebut lebih kurang pukul 12, kami dihampai dengan notis oleh tuan punya gerai.


Dengan perasaan tidah puas hati, kami mengunjungi gerai cendol dan laksa di Jalan Hang Jebat dan kali ini kami menikmati laksa ala lain. Berbeza dengan laksa baba, laksa di atas diperkaya dengan rasa pedas nyonya yang tidak keterlaluan. Sekali lagi hati saya terobat dan boleh meninggalkan Melaka dengan hati yang tenang. 



Di sini, ingin saya lafazkan ribuan terima kasih kepada Khai kerana membelikan kami peta Melaka. Tanpa peta, adalah tidak mungkin kami mengenali jalan di sana.

Di sinilah perjalanan dan pengembaraan mencari makanan di Melaka berakhir dengan perut  boncit dan berat badan yang meningkat. Semestinya akan saya lawati Melaka pada hari akan datang. Bukan esok atau bulan depan. Besar kemungkinan tahun hadapan saya akan balik ke sana untuk mencari makan lagi.




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot