Saturday, October 21, 2006
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Watching Star Wars has actually brought me into a fantasy world, where I wish I could become a Master Jedi, utilizing the Force to save this wretched world. Fantasy remains fantasy. It’s a very slim chance of me to become a Master Jedi. I Not Stupid 1 & 2 have dragged me back to reality, where there is still a journey for me to continue. I Not Stupid is a good movie, and I Not Stupid 2 is just as good as its 1st. These movies relate social issues bout family problems, generation gap, education catastrophe, and much more. And I think these issues are closely related to us, since Malaysia and Singapore are so close. We were once Malaysia, there must be similarities between us. The movies are about a few children/teenagers facing the English-Maths based community. People are prejudiced against these young people, because they have no aptitude to the society. Of course, this is only a movie.
I love to watch movies/dramas which question bout friendship and family, and not all about love. If given choices of Stairway To Heaven and Pokemon, my answer will be Pokemon, simply because of friendship, partnership, trust, responsibilities I can find in Pokemon. That’s why I love Revolving Doors of Vengeance, talks bout how siblings who are initially fighting each other, have stand in unison to fight their common enemy. Not many movies have ever attracted me. The series Friends is hilarious, but at the same time I found it dumb. I watch and couldn’t recall it. What I like bout I Not Stupid is that the storyline is actually closely connected to me. Not only me, but I believe almost everyone is connected.
There is a scene from the movie, where a teacher explains how she improved her studies last time.
“The more I hate it, the worse it got. Spend more time to know it better, and to be friends with it. Got to know it inside out, and finally overcome it. So, whether it is English or Maths, don’t shy away just because you don’t do well in it. It feels like they have beaten you. Actually they have not; it is you who have beaten yourself”
Her words remind me of my mid term exams in Form 3. I got C for Sejarah. I do not usually get lower than B. Getting C is a disgrace to me. Shocking and don’t know how I can achieve this kind of result. Therefore, I bought Sejarah workbook and finished it. How did I finish it even though the syllabus is way ahead? Don’t worry, I had it settled earlier than everyone. A book took me bout 5-7 days to complete. Then I bought new books, and keep changing every 4 days. Sejarah was getting easier. Try and imagine how many books have I bought? From mid year till PMR? Sejarah was getting easier. Everything was at my fingertips. But I couldn’t become the best Sejarah scorer, I wonder why… Practice makes perfect. I believe this is what the scene wants us to understand. But, after long period, I have lost almost everything from my fingertips lol. There was once a boy, Chris asked me, who was the founder and first president of MIC… Embarrassingly, I answered IDK. Sejarah is no longer a subject I need to study, but knowing our history is a way to serve our country patriotically. Haiz… I failed my Maths in the 1st monthly exam. I think I have to start my intensive training…
The movie continues till a scene, where a teacher explains the importance of mastering mother language.
“Chinese language is very important to being a Chinese. Being a Chinese, you have to know Chinese. That is your mother tongue, your roots. Living in this society, the use of the language is beyond our imagination. Not knowing Chinese, we will fail to understand Chinese culture. Not knowing Chinese, we will fail to understand ourselves. Not knowing Chinese, you don’t even know what you could be missing”
That is so true. A Chinese who does not know a single word of Chinese, isn’t it a disgrace? My parents sent me to Malay school, and I understand their reason. Both my father and mother are from Chinese school. They understand that if I were to be in Chinese school, I would probably become exactly like them, weak in English and Malay. Of course the statement is proven wrong by others. Example set by Chu Chun Hong and Khor Kah Loong, Leong Lik Wen. Their English is much better than me, and yet they are good in Chinese. By sending me to Malay school, combo with daily usage of Chinese language, they hope that I can master all 3 languages. But of course, I have failed them. My English is not that good, even though I have been speaking in English for almost 6 years. Frankly, I start speaking English, in VI. My BM sux to the max. And I can only speak Mandarin and Cantonese, which is NOT VERY fluent. I cannot read and write in Chinese. There is something amiss here. I am always compared to my brother who is much better than me in language. My 1st language is English, 2nd is BM, and lastly Chinese. If my English and BM sux, how am I gonna improve my Chinese? During the SPM break, I tried to learn, but it brought me to nowhere. Maybe I should try again during the STPM break lol… You are now reading my mind, so don't condemn. Whoever condemns, I will delete him from my memory.
Then it comes to the importance of education.
“As long as you have the skill, although you may not have a degree, you can still succeed in life. Only with a degree, would you be considered somebody? Is that everyone studies very hard?”
Haiz… I really kena sai. Reminds me of the debate between Ching Yeng and KE Leong. At that point, I support KE Leong actually. Higher education as the equipment to face future challenges. Sediakan payung sebelum hujan. Many will think getting a degree will ensure success. This is proven to be wrong, as many graduates are now jobless. What if I am not able to score well in exams? What skill do I have? Blur is a skill? Sorry, but I am not blur.
Sometimes I found myself to be quite obedient. In this case, I refer to the movie as not having any stand and opinion. I realized this when I was F5. Jeffrey asked me to design something for FKL Campfire songbook. And what I did was copy back last years’ songbooks, reedit and modify, because I couldn’t think of something new. I realized, what I can do best is copying. I don’t really have my own stand, my own opinion. Example set: VEB meeting. I am sitting there as if I am 1 of the HODs. I keep myself shut, 'coz I have nothing to say. Ben asked for my opinion, I will naturally nod my head as a sign of agreement. This is the main reason why I refused to uphold the responsibility to becoming EIC. Failure I am as a leader. Sometimes I wonder if I am better as HOD? A HOD does not need to think or decide much, they are needed to execute the tasks.
When I watch I Not Stupid 2, I was shocked to see the 2 main actors. They are so much resemblance of the main actor in I not Stupid 1. Immediately I suspect they are the same people, and I am right. They look the same (matured and handsome) even though 4 years had passed. I compare my Standard 6 picture and my current picture. So much differences… is it good or bad? Better or worse?
All parents are the same. Maybe I should replace the word parents with adults. Whatever they like, we don’t seem to like it, and vice versa/ Sometimes life is miserable. Adults think that lecturing us is a kind of communication. Actually, they syok sendiri only. And usually pretend to listen to them, but nothing will go into the brain. They don’t care if we listen or understand. As long as they say something, they think they have done their job well. This is very true. Sometimes when parents lecture us, we pretend to listen, agree with everything they say. All will go into left ear and come out through the right. We cannot deny, some of their words are boring, nonsense and repetitive. Not only parents. A simple eg: PM. Since when do we listen to him? Another simpler eg: School principal and teachers. How many of us actually listen to them? Ask yourself. I believe not only me, but almost everyone in the hall, do not listen to him.
My mom hates my computer. She keeps telling me that she regrets buying me this computer. She says that I have neglected my studies. SWT!!!
1. She does not buy me a computer. I used my own savings. I will hammer her to the ground if she says my money comes from parents. Parents always say, save money and buy whatever you want with your own money.
2. I have never neglect my studies. I don’t always play games. I play O2 Jam as a beginner, I am not a pro yet. Games are addictive. If I am addicted, I would not go for school already but in cyber cafes.
Basically, I got scolding, simply because I am in the computer room. Why do I stay here? That is because all my stuff is here; my books, clothes, computer, table (funny, but my house has only 3 tables - 1 in dining room, 1 in my brother’s room, another 1 in computer room). Whenever I am in the room, I will get scolding, even if she is in another room watching TV. She doesn’t know what I am doing in the room. What she knows is I am playing computer games. If I am in the room, I am playing games? Nonsense, right? But this is exactly what she thinks.
Even if I was right, I could still be wrong. For example, yesterday my parents were away from morning till night. They went to work… They reached home at 9 pm, and she scolded me for playing computer games the whole day. What to do? I pretend to listen, and ignore her words, 'coz I know she is here, crapping again. What I could answer her is exactly the same as in the movie, “em, ar, oo” Feel like telling her the truth, but usually she won’t believe. I have no proof, no witness. I was home alone. They should set up CCTV in every corner of the house.
“If you were really studying, I bet you have already switched on the air-cond, and study there. Not in the computer room (computer room has no air-cond). Walao, kena sai. How come I never come across this? But I was really studying, no matter where… In the same time, I had proved that computer had not affected my studies in F3 and F5. This time I will tell her again, I can do it, even if a computer is around. She kutuk-ed me that I will fail badly if I continue playing games lol. Wish me luck.
She complains that I sleep very late. 12 am is late? Maybe. BTW, what am I doing till late night? Besides MSN, I am waiting for my dad to come home. My father reaches home bout 9-11 pm. I wonder what could he do till late night?
In I Not Stupid 2, the boy drew a picture of his father as Father’s Day present. But he drew a black shadow. He explained that he saw his father every night without any light; he could only see a black shadow… If I sleep as early as 9-10 pm, will my fate be the same as the boy’s? Or worse? Now I have at least 5 minutes chat with my dad every night. Better than nothing. 5 minutes is enough to ask bout his current situation, status and etc. But the more time given is much appreciated.
Tuesday, 16 April. I reached home earlier than usual (before 3 pm). I take this opportunity to approach her. She says all these is because she concerns bout my health. The room’s ventilation is not good, the ray emitted by computer is harmful, insufficient sleep. All these have cause my pimples to grow non-stop. This time I will be a bit tolerant. I asked her not to worry bout my studies. As an adult, I know what I am doing and what to do. I told her that. Bout my health… err… From 65 kg last year, drops to 50 kg? I wonder why. Am I still OK? I am not sure…We are having ceasefire, and hope to achieve mutual peace.
“Mothers are all alike. It is hard being a mother. If they don’t do well, we criticize them. Actually our mother are not bad after all. Though we don’t always agree, but in our hearts, we know that, all this is for our own good”
“When we were young, there was plenty of encouragement and praises to help us overcome obstacles. We never realized how lucky we were then. Somewhere along the way, the praises and encouragement changed as we grew up. Everyone gradually shuts themselves out. Give more encouragement and compliments. See one’s virtues. Is it that difficult? Everyone needs encouragement. But why do we often hesitate to shower compliments? In every child ( I would replace the word child with everyone), there is an angel and a devil. Seek out the angel, then the best qualities prevail. There’s much truth in the saying ‘Resources used wrongly will become waste, while waste used correctly can become resources’. Appreciation is a powerful force. This powerful force may be result of the simplest words that you say, or an action, or a simple expression. You never know what you have changed”
"In your eyes, I'm useless. Whatever I do is never good enough for you. My efforts are never good enough for you"
"Why did you throw the apple away?" "It's rotten" "Just cut away the rotten part. It's good as new. You throw, you are left with nothing"
[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot
Friday, April 14, 2006
All this while, I thought working in VEB is fun and challenging. This went on until the end of the year 2005 and the beginning of year 2006 started to change my mind. VEB is not as easy as I thought it was. Involvement of teachers in the board worries me a lot. I have been staying in VI for almost 7 years. Naively, I used to think that all boards, clubs and societies were run by students themselves. I relate this to my experience in FKL. All scouts’ agendas except Campfire were planned and organized by our own people in the group, without involving any teacher. Campfire is our major annual event. We get permission to use quadrangle, to borrow mattress, to get signatures from teachers. Besides that, what else does a teacher advisor do? We managed to put up a great show to the audience from many schools around KL and Selangor, without any help from teacher advisors. What has Fadzlishah and Zuraidi have ever done for scout group? They did not follow us for Thailand Cycling Expedition, Mr. Mohan did. They didn’t follow us to Mt Tahan; they never follow us to GTKYC, which is good eventually… However, FKL was always in a danger situation, 'coz we did things our way, ignoring certain school rules and procedures. We sometimes did illegal things, such as SR, ‘ponteng’ for scouts activities, break into locked classrooms for chairs and tables and etc. Though Othman warned us many times, since when we give a damn bout him? We accomplished our objectives, without seeking help from teachers. Without any interference from teachers, our job is much easier and smoother. I don’t know if teachers are controlling FKL like teachers controlling VI Library Board now, but I missed the period when we did things without teachers. The sensation of freedom that I missed…
This is very different compared to VEB. My nightmare started when Pn. Vasantha became our teacher advisor, replacing Pn. Kamsiah and Cik Wan Mardziyah. Vasantha-Jaya combo during the 1st GM frightened me a lot. I felt that their presence in the board will bring disturbance, as they are trying to find out exactly what’s the board is up to, what are we doing currently. Vasantha wants us to report everything to her. She gave a lot of suggestions in the meeting, which I fear will corrupt our system. It was like G.Bush trying to conquer Iraq. Or maybe we can refer this to history, where ‘orang Inggeris’ (I don’t know what we call them in English) placed Residents as advisors to the Kings in every state in Malaya. That was the time when I thought teachers were trying to take over the board, I fear VEB’s fate will be similar to Library Board. However, during the meeting between the editors and Pn. Vasantha, I found that she shows dedication towards the board. She shows real commitment to the board. From that moment, I changed my mind to accept her as our ally, indeed, a strong ally.
She is on our side in almost everything, but we still hide some issues from her. Having her is not enough; Maimun and Anuay appear to be our problems. After winning RM 6k for getting first runner up in School Magazine Competition, Maimun suggested to build a so-called ‘sudut bacaan’ in one of the classrooms in F6 Block. Is she insane? She has gone absolutely cuckoo. Does she know that the money belongs to the board? It seems that she doesn’t care, her bitchy look shows everything. Thanks to Pn. Vasantha, she said let the board handle the money; the board will decide the fate of the RM 6k. The bitch thinks that she is a queen; she wants everyone to talk to her nicely, like a pet. She complains that VEB is working independently without referring to advisory teachers. Till now, I feel like jabbing her every time I see her. What does she know? She was absent for the AGM and 1st GM, and yet she wants to complain and expect us to work with her? ‘TAK TAU MALU PUNYA CIKGU!!’ She survives this long with such small liver, I wonder how. If there is a chance to vote her off from our board, I will raise up my legs as well.
13th April 2006, Lik Wen surprised me with Anuay’s speech during the Leadership Camp. Anuay mentioned that VEB is not ‘muhibah’ because there is no Malay in the committee list. He related this issue to the reason of why we lost to St. John in the School Magazine Competition. Total nonsense he had spoken of course. This has nothing to do with the race ratio. The problem arises when he mentioned to reshuffle the board a few times. Though no action has been taken yet, there should be a solution to counter this if the same issue is brought up again in any assembly or BOC meeting (let’s hope this is not going to happen). Though Ben has his point right, I think we must expect the worst to happen. Ben looked tired and depressed today (14th April 2006), a lot of things going round his mind. Ben, if you ever come across this, I can tell you, I can guarantee you, I will put in my 101% of everything I have to help you. But I can never accept or agree with the offer you have made. I want to work for VEB, produce magazines which everyone will ‘hayati’, not just flip through and throw aside at the corner of their room. But I can’t stop them doing that, so this is nothing to worry about. It’s just my wish not to see that ever happen again. I used to do that, flip through, look at my own pictures (there’s only 1, which is class picture) and then keep it nicely. Only recently when I joined VEB, I realized that when the hard work we have made is not appreciated, we feel sad and angry. Academic is another problem, it does not attract my attention as much as my computer does. Who love study more than Chu Chun Hong? I do not want to elaborate on these as it is causing me headache. This is not a normal dizzy, tiring headache, but a real headache. Feel like someone knocking my head.
I have no mood to correct my grammar and language, forgive my language. I have tuition now, its 8 am OMG… I didn’t sleep the whole night? I think I will fall asleep in tuition classes.
[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot