Friday, August 21, 2015

Sober at night

Dear FY,

When I thought I found someone to share my feelings with, he chose to avoid me entirely. 

We learnt the dramatic history of our past and how coincident every thing had been. Unable to take the guilt, he removed me as friend in all social media. He decided to severe our friendship with a silly past. He was deceived.

It was really painful for a moment to accept his decision. There was little fairness to me who treated him fairly. Part of me felt betrayed.

Towards the end I was not worthy to be called a friend. Here I am again, hiding alone in this cold room. Time to bottle up my emotions till I meet you.

With love,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

A wasteful journey

Dear FY,

To be honest I appreciate what VI had done to instill me the value of punctuality. How could I forget 100 push ups for being late for 10 minutes? Never. And this was how I learn to appreciate all who are punctual. At the same time my area of development is the efficiency of my time management. This was discussed in my performance review lately.

My ex, let us call him MS, was lamenting about his role in the organisation this evening. One of the issue we discussed was his punctuality to work. Sadly, I found the discussion to be very negative. He behaved exactly like an ordinary staff.

Do I look like I care to be punctual? You guys never even say thank you. 
I know my problems for 5 years now. If this can be changed, I would change 5 years ago and I don't need you to tell me this today.
I have enough warning letters, I don't mind getting another 10? So what?
I am not helping myself? This is not something I can control. You need to accept.
Yes of course I am behaving like a normal staff. Cause I AM A NORMAL STAFF!
There are 2 people higher than you who had given me the same feedback. So YOU don't talk to me as if you can change me.
I am being mistreated by EVERY ONE. ALL OF YOU. Why would I care anymore?

These are the words I least expected from him. In spite of all these nasty comments, I felt the burden is finally lifted. 

If you think I enjoy waking up at 5 every morning to call you 60 times to ensure you wake up to work, yet you find this amazingly abusive? 
Could you imagine how much of sleep I could save if you were to share this with me 4 years ago?
You are right. I could save couple of ringgit on my phone bills too.
I am sorry I laugh too loud. I thought I was putting effort for your good but it turned out you don't need me.
You are right. No one can change you. Who am I anyway?

Dear FY,

Tonight hurts so much not because I still love him. Be it friends or lover, my bosses or my subordinates, I would be happy if my effort is appreciated. Apparently, to him, the time I spent is ill treatment.

Forgive me for being a fool.

Yours truly,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot