Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The last chapter

Think! Think! Think!

Today isn't a usual Tuesday.

After many weekends down the drain pulling my thesis, I couldn't contain the excitement another instant. I'm thrilled to announce that the thesis is finally submitted to respective parties. The toughest part in writing a thesis is not the content or analysis of data. It is to regulate the thesis format to every lecturers' 'taste' that I cursed Dr. Seaweed, Dr. CB and Dr. Ferment almost every night. While every lecturer describes the format differently, around that time everyone was causing huge uproars. It is safe to assume that if there are 100 lecturers in UTAR, then we have 100 different formats for thesis writing to follow. That's UTAR for you.

My 2nd draft

Reading journals and checking thesis were my favourite in class and at home but those were the time. Now that the thesis has nothing in connection to me, I've temporary lost my objective of life. You worked and contributed endlessly to this company and when you grew old, you no longer have the value and hence the dismissal from the company. You've lost the job, you wander around the house aimlessly. You wake up at 7 morning to realize you have no office to go to. You clean dishes at 2 p.m. when by right you had meetings at this hour.

If I am allowed, this is how I feel currently. More or less. Something is found missing in me. My life will be pretty flat in the days to come. That aside, I am very satisfied with the outcome. Thesis I mean. It is undeniable that I have gained knowledge and experience in this field, strangely the pressure was well compensated with the joy and fun along the team mates throughout the project.

Of 'coz, I have finals coming real soon but the motivation has not reached the stimulative level.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Final stage of a student's life

As the title implied, my life is coming to an end. As a student that is.

I am 1 month shy of ending my student life. Being that said, I still have 1 month of reputation as a bit of a student. Been busy since the last quarter of 2009, now I've come to this - final steps to exam hall and presentation room.

Thesis's done with many contradiction to supervisor's comments. Final exams are left untouched at the moment. Presentation is the main concern, which so happen falls on tomorrow afternoon.

Honestly speaking, can't say I have not started to fear tomorrow. Those who are in this field should know what I present while those who are not will think I have gone cuckoo. There's nothing more frightening than QandA session with a panel who experts in this field. Hmm... hope he shows mercy and don't come out unexpected, weird questions. Otherwise I wouldn't dare move an inch and will reply with my hamsap smile.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Gotta Catch 'Em All

First and foremost, Happy Belated 4th Blogiversary to Debris of my mind, scattered everywhere. The exact date was 13th April but I am sure the blog doesn't mind late wishes.

I remember the days I played the game several years ago. It was so interesting I couldn't help repeating the game over hundred times to date. The anime, mostly related to friendship and not merely love, captivated me to addiction. Days and nights I wish the world would turn into the very fantasy as portrayed in anime. That was several years ago before I entered adulthood.

Few years later, as an adult, I fell into addiction, again.

Khai sent me the Pokemon Emerald, a relatively old version of Pokemon I've never lay my hand on. Knowing the addictive effect, I should not have indulged in the game until my tests end. Heaven knows, I clicked the emulator, checked out saving error (if any), tried some battles and hoo lah~ 7 hours gone. Pokemon, you say? Yes, I don't know what's FFXIII. Yes I am an old fashioned gamer and I am not wrong XD

Edwin complained not receiving any sms or call from me ever since I started Poke-ing. So did the MSN mates. It can't be helped. Meddling in the mid of my battles, how do I deal both sides at the same time? I must choose. Really can't be helped. I needed concentration and cannot afford distraction at this stage. Can you now see the influence of Pokemon had on me?

After long absence from the Pokemon field, my weaknesses are pronounced. I could not differentiate the Pokemons' elements, their weaknesses and attributes. The maps are too big and confusing to be explored in the shortest time. Analyzing skill deteriorates. Most importantly, I spent too much time training my Pokemon to battle the low levels.

In comparison to the previous versions, thumbs up should be given to Emerald. Not only I fail to 1-hit KO like I always do, to my surprise the Elite Fours somehow managed to force 2 full restores, 1 max revive, 2 elixers and 12 rare candies out from my level 88 Swampert. That's a big achievement to the Elite Fours. Those were items I never used in my experience, except rare candies. Let alone using them while battling level 56 Pokemon with my level 88 Swampert. It's safe to say the most exciting battle lies upon them. At least I felt so. Kudos, Elite Fours of Emerald Version. You earn the praise.

While the end of the Elite Fours drew near, the outcome and the next journey of the game was anxiously anticipated before horrible incidents occurred. Too bad. Too bad. After the credits, the saved game was automatically deleted. Or the game restarted to point 0. Either one is good to drive me nut. 'Coz after 7 hours of hard works and sweat, the game... cannot be continued.

I ache all over. Almost couldn't stop my tears, I am now thinking if I should start all over.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Breathing is restless

There's no class as interesting as hers. Maybe not that much but at the least she's presentable and speaks human language. Compared to other lecturers, she is 7 or 8 streets ahead of them. Yes this is a biased comment.

Even if given enough time, I wouldn't have the slightest confidence to score the paper. So many diseases, undistinguished clinical conditions, diagnosis, various drugs and overlapping treatments. To score the test without any hint prove difficult.

Truth be told, I was out of option. In fierce desire not to fail, I resorted to cheating. To be precise, it was an illegal open book test. Of 'coz I wasn't alone and for the same reason, we were all caught red handed. The moment our dishonesty unraveled, I felt miserable and guilty more than I like to admit. Her gloomy eyes were filled with disappointment. No lecturer enjoys catching students cheat in test (Dr. Seaweed is an exception).

Skipped many sleeping hours since last week, report and assignment were quickly waiting in line. Too much time was wasted on both of them, I actually lack the time to revise another test on Thursday. Again, with my pea brain, plainly putting more effort was not enough. The content was as I imagined when the paper reached me - makhluk asing. Knowing this before hand, a piece of small note full of mechanisms was prepared earlier. My conscience subdued my desperation, however. There's still a need to uphold the dignity I have left, if any. To think I would rather fail honourably than to succumb to dirty tricks., an egg for that paper I am sure.

Thesis and oral presentation as well as substantially high-marks lab test are what left before my finals. Even transforming to Ultraman and bankai mode activated would not help me triumph. There's clear light that more help is in need but... exactly how could I redeem myself?

Great sense of fear is close. The fear of not graduating on time.

Where does my rant sink in to?

Energy drained. I'm not gifted. Limit reached.

Sorry if you find me not replying SMS and MSN.

I guess I don't rest till I stop breathing.

But I really appreciate the slaps and motivation in words that all of you offer me. Thanks a lot ^^

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Friday, April 2, 2010

If I am as strong as him

While there are several versions common in youtube, this video hit me the most 'coz the song was the very first English song I listen to back in 2006 when VEBians were singing along during photography week.

Not to be carried away by emotions, I spent some DiGi downloading capacity to stream the clip last night. A cute video it is. Of more serious concern however is the meaning I found my heart touched. For the past few nights I had fallen inexorable downwards and am in the struggle back to my feet.

Who, among the many, can read the content of my mind? Yes there is one. Aren't you proud of yourself, Nicholas?

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot