Saturday, April 10, 2010

Breathing is restless

There's no class as interesting as hers. Maybe not that much but at the least she's presentable and speaks human language. Compared to other lecturers, she is 7 or 8 streets ahead of them. Yes this is a biased comment.

Even if given enough time, I wouldn't have the slightest confidence to score the paper. So many diseases, undistinguished clinical conditions, diagnosis, various drugs and overlapping treatments. To score the test without any hint prove difficult.

Truth be told, I was out of option. In fierce desire not to fail, I resorted to cheating. To be precise, it was an illegal open book test. Of 'coz I wasn't alone and for the same reason, we were all caught red handed. The moment our dishonesty unraveled, I felt miserable and guilty more than I like to admit. Her gloomy eyes were filled with disappointment. No lecturer enjoys catching students cheat in test (Dr. Seaweed is an exception).

Skipped many sleeping hours since last week, report and assignment were quickly waiting in line. Too much time was wasted on both of them, I actually lack the time to revise another test on Thursday. Again, with my pea brain, plainly putting more effort was not enough. The content was as I imagined when the paper reached me - makhluk asing. Knowing this before hand, a piece of small note full of mechanisms was prepared earlier. My conscience subdued my desperation, however. There's still a need to uphold the dignity I have left, if any. To think I would rather fail honourably than to succumb to dirty tricks., an egg for that paper I am sure.

Thesis and oral presentation as well as substantially high-marks lab test are what left before my finals. Even transforming to Ultraman and bankai mode activated would not help me triumph. There's clear light that more help is in need but... exactly how could I redeem myself?

Great sense of fear is close. The fear of not graduating on time.

Where does my rant sink in to?

Energy drained. I'm not gifted. Limit reached.

Sorry if you find me not replying SMS and MSN.

I guess I don't rest till I stop breathing.

But I really appreciate the slaps and motivation in words that all of you offer me. Thanks a lot ^^




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot