Saturday, November 28, 2015

Project 55.5 - countdown 8 days

Dear FY,

While I am away from KL for 205 hours, I hope to finish all these books. Though I have read some of them, it does not hurt to run through the memory again. Thank you for lending me the books, Soul. 

My mum had discovered that I will be flying to Canada. I was expecting the worst, thought I would get a hammer on my head for wasting money again. Surprisingly, no. There is no sign of objection. I assume she does not know where Canada is. She probably thinks Canada is above Thailand. She's bad in geography after all. 

Tomorrow's the last day to do my last minute shopping and grab more CAD. Sigh...

Dear FY,

I tried and I failed. Letting go is proven to be difficult. My mind isn't strong. Plenty of "What if..." are in my mind. I could only grit my teeth and forcefully believe in myself.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Project 55.5 - countdown 12 days

Dear FY,

Like it or not, I was not myself few weeks ago. I defaulted many tasks at hand for few weeks without realising. Surely it comes with consequences - my first disciplinary action since my first day. I wrote and signed my own File Note yesterday. You are simply important to be able to distract me this much. Surprisingly, I didn't feel sad or demotivated. On the contrary I felt better after talking to myself. I could not possibly blame anyone but myself. It's more difficult to convince my conscience to call off than to revise the objective of the project. 

I have planned itinerary for 6 days. You can join and ruin and the plan any days you like. Your presence is enough incentive. If only...

After all, I am blind when it's about you.

If I knew earlier, I would change the cash later. The exchange rate now ranges between 3.285 to 3.290 today. It's CAD 14 savings if I made the right decision. I am gonna get more cash to sustain the change of plans. Additional CAD 400 would be good, I guess. Thought?

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Project 55.5 - countdown 14 days

Dear FY

I hadn't returned to this place for many years and the place's no longer worth mentioning. The cafe left me good impression when you were around. Now it's a good memory ruined. I couldn't find the rice I had in the menu.

Dear FY,

Time is slipping through fingers like grains of sand. There are much more to prepare and I can't beat the anxiety at the same time. Am I ready? For a week I had been planning and visiting websites to know more about Canada. Is my itinerary overly congested? The "simulation" keeps running in my mind.

This would be the furthest, the longest, the most costly, the coldest and the loneliest among the excursions by far. It's impossible to be calm when every thing is uncertain.

Let's pray that my credit cards work there.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Monday, November 16, 2015

Managing At Our Best

We are committed to creating a culture where we all perform at our best. Personally, the 2 days training inspires me a lot to what I really want to do on my daily role and how my presence affects other colleagues. It closely resembles self realisation session to reflect on our aspirations and how much we believe in others when they are at their best.

The first step to a change always begin with self.

One of the tools introduced is 5-whys - it helps to explore deeper to identify the cause of our best environment. It has given me insight of who I can be when I am ok (at my best) and how I can potentially motivate my direct reports to bring out their best qualities.

When we focus on the outcome we tend to risk becoming frustrated and demotivated, which is termed In The Box behavior. Before we are drifted away by these emotions, it would be good to get out of the box quickly. Hence we were introduced the tool Emotion - Truth - Choice (E-T-C). It develops the ability to become more aware of our internal thinking that places us in the box. I think I am good in this 'coz I talk and debate with myself whenever conflicts arise. The choice is clearer when we accept truth about the shitty situation - life is not going to end if shit happens. It appears I am correct.

I shared partial of the Project 55.5 in the training, on how things turned sour to my depression. Then how nasty I was to my colleagues when I couldn't take it. Well, somehow I convinced myself to look at the Project 55.5 at a brighter side. The situation gradually improved, slightly at a time. My heart isn't aching as much. The itinerary is now at day 3. There I stand in the room half-crying, half laughing. I am still a human after all.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Sexcape to Bangkok

Very few positive things happen,but much misfortune befalls. Failure followed by miserable. Regret comes after mistakes. One says not to waste time looking back. Humans are not meant to travel backwards. That's easier said than done. This is life and I have always believed life's unfair.

Here is my 4th trip to Bangkok. Honest be told I had more fun than the rest of the trips.

26 more days.

It requires courage and strength I lack. I want to sleep but my brain won't stop talking to itself. Using lies to shroud my conscience makes me feel more rejected. A man can be destroyed but not defeated. Obviously it has proven to be difficult.

Have I grown so hideous that he starts to look at me differently? Every night I tremble in fear thinking what it is like in Canada. Will I survive in a foreign land 12000 km away from my homeland? Well, that's one way to look at the situation. Evidently, we have changed and it is me to accept the changes.


[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Sunday, November 8, 2015

Holidays end too quickly (Part 3)

Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3

Dear FY,

Many years ago I masturbated only once or twice a month. Don't get me wrong. I have the needs all the time but I would rather save the seeds for him. We were in a long distanced relationship, you see. The monogamous relationship existed in my thought for many years. With that in mind, I was quite a loyal one. After that incident, my sex life had changed. The numbers of masturbation increased to daily, or more if I may admit.

Friends are surprised at the frequency I am currently having and said this is too much for my body. They agree that the frequent masturbation hasten aging. Nah, I didn't ask which journal they read that could support their claim. However I leave them in awe haha.

Too much info, I guess. But I think you deserve to know.

23rd October - Inside Scoop
Well, the afternoon was quiet and our conversation echoed in the cafe. I am glad I caught up with him again so soon. Thank you.

24th October - Sushi Zento
Oh again? Yes you are right. He had craving for Japanese sushis that week so I brought him here. We spent a night in my room before I sent him back to where he belongs. He's a good companion.

26th October - Back to work
The department organised an event to show gratitude to the colleagues. They called this Appreciation Day. Obviously, no one informed me that this was coming and I came to work, empty handed. Anyway it is thrilling to see so many goodies on my desk. It's a sign that I am appreciated. Even my bosses say so.

Project 55.5 is a failure in the end.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Monday, November 2, 2015

The poisonous Apple

Dear FY,

Ever since we had the Apple, the relationships fell apart. People interaction is alienated. The app brought major changes to our lifestyles. When the Apple was misused, we became distanced. We discussed the destructive effects the app had brought us, and decided to sweep it under the carpet, many times. It's even more devastating when we find the trusted partner using the app in secret.

Facebook is just mainstream these days, don't you think? How much time have we spent on browsing Facebook, just to realise we read the same feeds repeatedly? This is the thing that people will do even though they know it's pointless. It's no longer a platform to know friends. It's a space to attract attention.

As much as I hate Apple, I can't help to agree that free messaging is convenient. WhatsApp really saves me plenty of charges. WeChat... is too complicated I don't bother to reply most of the time. Line is here just to look pretty.

People hardly read blogs, let alone writing one. Honest be told, I love writing here. The attention I get is close to 0.

Yours truly,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot