Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Tarry not longer

Dear FY,

While I was trapped in the state of confusion, I lost you. You know that I am a person with few words. I don't often say what is on my mind and even if I do, it usually doesn't come out quite right. I opened my mouth a few times to speak that night but ended up only spewing silence. Tried to force my tears back without much success, I accepted your words.

"You need to make a choice"

You were right that night. It was a race against the clock. CHOOSE!

I procrastinated. Hence, this post.

Bii found the courage to tell me his tale last night. Part of me was really glad he found someone to share his life with. Couldn't say my heart is in good shape either. I had arguably the most meaningful time with him. It's only fair to blame myself for being indecisive. My selfishness had let bii slipped with his new found love. 

One day can bend your life. And that night seemed to bend mine inexorably downward.

There are things that people will do even though they know it's pointless. No matter how pointless it is, they must do it in order to collect themselves. My impaired judgement was the reason I began to wilt away, which was tearing me up inside. I was desperate to turn to the help of alcohol but I couldn't find one. I tried not to think but that was proving difficult. 

Dear bii,

Please do not feel guilty. I remember thinking you were such an interesting guy. It's true that I am fighting hard to catch my breath now, you on the other hand must had taken a lot of courage to tell me. No matter how much I hate to lose you, the idea of seeing you happy was enough incentive. The choice is yours. I believe this love will stand the test of time. May your times be as good as ours and your love last much longer.

Our beautiful memories resonate endlessly at the back of my head.




Love,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot