I always believe the only constant in this world is change. Over these years while I had 'disappeared', I have changed in many ways.
I have stopped introducing myself as Jino. Instead, I am back to my own name.
"Hi, my name is Jinq. How's it going?"
Any reason for this? Nothing particular. Do you agree my name is kinda cool?
In a blink of an eye, I have joined the 30s club last year. There's nothing to proud of. I have failed in many things in life. I continue to be a disappointment to people around me. Somehow, warning signs of midlife crisis have become so apparent now I look like in my late 50.
More white hair than my usual black silky hair.
Backache is so often I groan in pain.
Low sex drive to a point my bf complains so much.
Loss in appetite.
Yet I put on so much weight.
My belly is so big it almost blocks me from seeing my dick.
Easily fatigue just by staying idle.
Constant breathing difficulty and chest pain.
Suffered my first migraine last year and it has become more frequent.
I know I am stress at work and I haven't worked out recently. I want to start swimming but I can't swim.
3. Social media
If you haven't seen any feed in your Facebook about me, that is because I had removed everyone from my Facebook friend list. Oh, that was a drastic move I did over my bf's insecurity in our relationship. The same goes to my contact numbers on my phone. There are only a handful of numbers in my Whatsapp. I still keep my Instagram for photos though.
On a brighter note, now I have more time playing mobile phone games.
I have thought about moving up the career ladder for several years now. And so the opportunity is here. My manager asks me to go for it.
Should I just do what I am doing to get 5 figures pay? Or should I work harder and set my expectation higher? Or should I simply resign and move to other roles of lesser stress?
I am contemplating.
I miss the days I watched movies in cinema alone. I could apply half day leave from work and enjoy a sinful waffle in the cafe. Or just a random trip to overseas, anywhere, alone.
Those were the days. Now that he is around, this is never possible. Ever.
There are times I really want to be alone. This bit hasn't changed in me.
When was the last I met my friends? Probably twice in two years. Why is this so?
Mainly because he wants to tag along all the time yet his free time is so limited.
Trust me, he was extremely upset when I went out without him.