Saturday, September 20, 2014

4 years

Dear FY,

Never have I thought to work here as fresh graduate till this day. This is my first permanent job and I was totally lost at first. A bioscience student to work in a call centre? Come on... I definitely did not write "My ambition is call centre consultant" when I was young. This job is definitely an "accident" - ended up here for so long 'coz the pay is higher than what I can seek out there.

I do not know how I survived.... But yeah I enjoyed my first 3 years of career. A stable job with less risk. A job that gives me higher pay than the rest if I put in more effort. I was paid for working extra hours. Punctual to work and back home. Most importantly I do not give a damn to anyone

4 years later, the story has changed. Perhaps it is not a good idea for people like me to move up the career ladder to begin with.

I started to doubt my ability in people management. Engagement and people connection are my weakest attribute. I like to be alone most of the time - period and introvert, as how you know me all the while. To sum them all, I am not a leader. Every one knows this. Yet I chose to take this path.

Not sure if I have made the right decision.

The first challenge started with 3 staff resigned in the same month. The colleagues were laughing at my luck for losing so many precious staff in an instant. My boss, inclusive. When my boss made fun of me that night, I could not hold the tears and showed them how weak I am. 

I was helpless against my own emotions. Was I really not doing enough to retain my own staff? Is it me that they chose to leave? Have I not been supportive in their role? 

Well, I really wish you were here to talk to me, FY.

There are things I could not speak to someone. It is not natural for me to talk. I need a hug. Or at least your presence will alleviate my stress that night. No, you were not here. It's fine. I perfectly aware we are separated, you see. 'Cos thinking of you simply make me stronger. Most importantly I still have you.

I promise you FY I will not show them the weak side of me. Not anymore. You said that I am the Ultraman in your heart.




From,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot