Monday, January 7, 2013

Gonna be an emo post

One side of my boss is very playful; he plays hide and seek in the office. Another side of him is very philosophical; he asked me "Use a word/ phrase to wrap up your 2012".

Silence is gold. Words are sharper than blades.

My new year eve, for the first time in the decade I went through the lonely day alone. Coughing out blood strips possibly due to injured throat and rising body temperature definitely did not set up the right mood to end the year. Things worsen when demanding people yelled to make me run his errand. Asking a sick man who is under medication to do the job? If you think driving after alcohol is bad, try driving with flu medication.

But human nature is unpredictable. Despite all my conditions I still obediently followed instructions and make sure I returned alive. Even if the demanding requester did not show any sign of appreciation, I forgave him. At least I tried to forgive. Wait! It doesn't make sense. If he does not apologise, what is there to forgive?

On the lonely eve when I was no one in anyone's heart, I dragged my weak body to the nearest clinic just to realize I lost my medical card and I had no cash. When I paid my bill for dinner, I palmed face myself as I should have paid the clinic bill with my credit card. I wasn't thinking straight, that is for sure.

You see, humans are cheap creatures. He may have belittled my presence and yelled at me for no apparent reason. I may not rank the first in his heart. If I am important I believe he will not abandon me to live through the rest of 2012. What I did was wiping my nose discharge on my shirt (I have no tissue). I coughed and sat outside of BR like a beggar waiting for a fortune. Given 630, I waited from 545 for about 3 hours. And then ordered his favourite (which is my least favourite) peppermint.

I hope you understand why the whole pint was filled with only peppermint when I can choose another flavour of my favourite. My message is simple: I can see that you are happy with your peppermint. But can you see me happy without any share of ice cream?

Anyway you only had 2 spoons of it and the rest were trashed. Nice.

Sadly, a love which bounds to domination and submission is not what I after. Happiness is not earned through ultimate gain from another party. I believe in the power of mutual respect, moderation and toleration in every long lasting relationship. I can eat peppermint and capsicum if you want me to. But my question is, will you drink vinegar and eat olives if I request you to? Knowing you for so long, I know your answer without you telling. You will not give in and you will not change. You will not try new things and you hold prejudice on them. You still think of yourself almighty with your final decisions and judgement. I shall keep my silence. This is how you play the game and you leave me no option.

I am tired of arguing every attempt to open you for new possibilities. I have lost confidence in myself and I can feel my words and influence are nothing prominent than your besties or whatsoever. Honestly speaking, you have lost my trust in many ways. I do not trust you in every word you say but I choose to believe. WTF? Ignore me please.

Silence is gold. Words are sharper than blades.

I shall not speak, as I have lost my only audience. An irreplaceable audience you are.

Welcome 2013 with more emo post. I doubt any one will understand what I write.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot