Monday, October 19, 2015

Project 55.5 - countdown 48 days


Dear FY, 

I am getting more anxious with each passing day.

What if I am not the same Jino you once knew?

What if your feeling has changed?

What if the trip does not turn out how we expect it to be?

Well, what if I stopped worrying?

Dear FY,

It has been 3 weeks since my relationship ended, officially. Part of my heart is pleased to find myself freed from the trust curse. It's right in my opinion that this decision would pave way to his new relationship. He must had waited too long for me to make my move.

KC was indecisive, he is usually found in the lost and found counter - the hospital; for disappearing and taking his own life. I got used to it and decided to stop wasting my time. Almost immediately I found XB, an innocent child whom I abandoned him a week after we held hands. I was purely the Darth Vader to break his heart. 4 years with EK in the contrary was more disappointing when he is mostly self centered. To dominate the relationship with "mum" seriously irritated me so much I was willing to stop walking with him. Another 4 years was spent with MS to find myself lost trust and faith in gay love.

I had been in relationship for 9 years without rest. At times I succumbed to temptation and lost the dignity I once proud of. I am not blaming this on anyone. It's me.

Eventually it is evident that I achieved little out of these years. Companionship? Support? Grow together? Security? Sex? No doubt I enjoyed all the sweet experience on beds, in the cars, in the hotels, in the bath, by the beach, in the sauna, in the massage... Oops. However I really appreciate some respect and appreciation as return from them.

My family is not positively on my side. I told myself not to get into another relationship till I hit 30. Not to mention I am constantly horny. Facebook is deactivated. I swiped right on Tinder for all genders, guess what? 99% match are males. Ironic, am I not attractive among the girls?

Perhaps this is the best time to heal my wounds from all these love hate relationships.




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot