2 days. I've been moody for 2 days since your return to KL. You thought your childishness and spoilt behavior that I was not myself. Sorry. Not because you almost lost your wallet carelessly that I was sad. Neither because you cannot wake up by yourself every morning that I got my face all wrapped up. Never because you have bad management of dining time that I turned silent. And not because you do last minute study and disrupt all sleeping order that I cried. No. It's not your fault that I behave this way. It is me. ME!!!
When you first intended to study your degree in Kampar, I couldn't respond. I thought I will lose you soon. But I quickly get over it and accept the fact that you had to go because you had to. 3 years are quick to pass, I let you go with confidence in maintaining our relationship. Promised to meet often, SMS, call, webcam and etc (ignore the financial circumstances), we manage to, at least till now. At least I can still reach you.
When you expressed your eagerness to further your master, I am more than glad to support you. However, concerning distance far as Australia or Japan or UK, you sent me into unresponsive again. It is a world I cannot reach upon. You give me the same loneliness again. I was shocked with your interest to further your master all the way to overseas. My inner feeling told me not to let you go.
Yet I cannot be selfish to stop you if you choose to go. If you choose to leave for the betterment of your future, I have no right to stop you. In fact I will let you go as you wish and give you the courage and support to achieve your dreams. I won't comment on your decision whether it is right or wrong. It is also a lover's duty to feel happy and respect your decision.
But if that day really comes, I cannot assure you my nobleness, that my love for you will last till you return. 'Coz without hearing, touch, sight, smell and taste, I have lost most of you. I clearly understand no matter how much I love you now, without those, feeling will change. Gradually if not everything at once. When a year or two pass, no one guarantees how much I will change without you. Future's untold. Do you really think that I can hold you dearly in my heart? Yes I can, if I can still reach you, if I can still hear you.
What confidence do I have to promise that I will not leave you, when you are 4108 miles far away with lacking internet connection, limited calls and different holiday season?
Upon arrival, I hope you will forgive me for ending what we've reached so far. But there's no reason to worry so soon. It's not going to happen in two years. Who knows maybe you won't able to graduate your degree? Who knows if I die before I have the chance to join you in graduation? Who knows you will be doing your master locally? Haha. Sorry for being moody. I should cherish the moment we have, even if it's not long. I love you.
I promise not to emo bout this matter.
[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot