Monday, July 6, 2009

Why did yesterday ended that way?

Friday. 3rd of July. Sunny. It's a day I long expected and another day of anxietily waited since month ago. If it's not because I miss you, I couldn't come out with other better reasons.

The day has finally come yet we carve dissatisfaction in our faces when our eyes meet. Many things take their seats along the way back home, including the 'Masupia' we're going to watch tomorrow leave us in despair.

And then I request something dangerous from you today. I know how dangerous it may sound to you, but it's your reaction I least expected. The way you reject me with mysterious secret worries me to hell. Is it my darkest fear of long distance relationship? What is it? You left me in questions.

Then, I finally understood.


I know that's a secret you're trying to protect for friends privacy. But I can't help to feel the distance between us is growing apart. Not just the distance to Kampar. You never do this to me. You will be the one to tell a lot of stories here and there which I don't have reason to feel interested with yet I listen all the time. 'Coz that way we don't quiet down. But at that moment... I go blank. I don't know how to react but keeping silent is my best resort I could come out with. The way you express 'it has nothing to do with us' evoke my quietness - so I will not tell you stories that are not related to us anymore.

I am sorry for the eagerness and curiosity to dig out the secret you wanted to protect so hard. I am sorry I took another sip of nicotine behind your back. I am sorry we're watching 'Masupia' today but not Transformer. I am sorry for the boring and frustrated wake up call every morning. I am sorry for everything happen today.

Why must it be the day which supposedly happy, turned ugly?

Saturday. 4th of July. Sunny. I hope the mood is really as bright as the day is. You know what? After few hours of resting my mind rationalize and wake up fresh. Sorry for yesterday I was emo.

Well, we watch 'Masupia' today. Robots fighting robots. Great sound effects and animation but it lacks facial expression. Though the movie is not exactly of interest to me much, but the 12 hours we spent together in KL is the greatest amongst everything.

I always remind, that romantic season is over. But it's not hard to bring the feel back, especially when we are still loving and willing to sacrifice for each other, right? Why the ruckus of troubles when simple hang out will produce the same result? We do not need to have sumptuous meal. We do not need to give each other presents. Yet I love the way time is spent today very much 'coz it resurrects the feeling of our romantic season back 1 year ago.

My happiness today is beyond description. We have not specifically or specially done anything yet I feel satisfied and overjoy. And finally you submit to my dangerous request. Thanks for everything and I appreciate what you've done for me. I promise to cherish the moment we have as long as I live. Oh, and cintaku bukan di atas kertas~

On and off, we quarrel and I am quite sad for that. But if I can positively twist the thought, it might be another channel of communication to bridge us nearer.

I don't want to lose you and no... it's not a responsibility but an honour for me to uphold.

How glad can I be more, that our day was unlike yesterday which ended in mishap.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot