Monday, March 16, 2009

My name is Jino, I am not Gino

I think this entry can only be understood by UTAR friends who have heard of the 3G - Geli Geli Ghost story.

My UTAR life has reached the 10th week of the semester. This is the only week when none of the test claims any slot for the week. Lucky me, I can have full access of the time for my presentation prep. 2 presentations in a week. I believe I can do it!!!

This semester requires me to do 2 assignments - Pendidikan Moral (PM) and Cultures and Communication (CC) each. I personally think that I had done a lot for the assignments, I don't know how the others think (I am not asking for reward, attention, sympathy, admiration or what so ever. I am not so perasan la.). Neither did I say my members are slacking and inactive, my members had done a lot too. What I worry is, I don't know how useful my works to them. Can it be all useless, deviating from the topic, nonsense and crap? I copy paste a lot. 95% plagiarism. When you plagiarise, it's very hard to edit 'coz their sentences seem to be perfect, easy to understand and I don't know how to change.

Frankly, I HATE these 2 assignments. They touch the topic I hate the most of all things - RELIGIONS!!! I still don't see relation of religions and Biochem. "God" bless me... *Hachiu* Come on la. If it was homosexual, then it fell directly into my stonghold. But too bad my assignments are about euthanasia and wife abuse. Boring... Anyway I tried to do my part as best as I could. I hope they like it and accept (not appreciate) what I had done.

Burning midnight oil to 2 a.m. is not a problem, I was committed and I wasn't working alone. Moonlight warmth the cold night breeze for me. I had my Winamp playlist playing at all time - 林宇中,吴克群,林俊杰。。。And Chang Hoong was with me that night for CC assignment. My gang was with me for PM assignment (I work with my members, not my dad). I call for a meeting is for discussion and slides prep (not for time-wasting lecture, reprimand and complain session over own dissatisfaction). Complaining or fretting over the workload per capita is not my style, 'coz my aim is for the benefit of the whole group. Really, sincerely, I think this way. I don't have the gut to claim the work as my own work, how all of you never appreciate my work, how all of you never help me and so forth. Because I am not that kind of person.

Even if my members give me shit, I would appreciate it 'coz those are the starter of the assignments, be it good or bad. As a leader, it is very natural to ask for a re-do but I didn't. You know why? 'Coz generally I am satisfied with their works. Although in the end I was the one compiling, elongated and came out the prototype, it was considered our effort together. I call this team work. As we call team work, success or demise is on our account.

Imagine all members did their own part, passed everything to the leader, and yet the leader held a meeting after assignment submission just to express how sad she was, how stressful she was, how she wanted to delete all our names from the assignment, how dissatisfied she was over her unappreciated effort, how rubbish our works were, how her dad helped her so much in the assignment, how angry she was when other members went to sing K while she had to work alone.

"You are here 'coz you were absent when we were choosing members. No one wants you so I take you in".
"Jino you are outsider, you wouldn't understand".
"Do you know that the whole assignment, of 2000 words, 1500 are from me? I did this with my dad".
"You know ar? Part that you give me ar. Full of words ar. All crap ar. I don't know what you wrote ar."
"I can ask lecturer to cancel all your names, and you all can do your own assignment. I can, but I didn't do it 'coz I pity you all".
"I know I am good in doing experiment and assignment, but don't ABUSE my abilities".

If you were in the scene, you will be stunned of what she said, like me. Never had I encounter such leader or human dare enough to say like that, so thick-facely said. I didn't feel sad or pity or regret after listening to her. I felt that my time was wasted for those crap.

Her work must be perfect, follow her style, suits her taste. What she did not do were members approach and understanding between members. She doesn't even realize how communication plays an important role as a leader (If I don't even want to be in the same assignment group with her in the 1st place, where comes the mood to communicate?)

Yes. Assignments are tiring. 我精神快崩溃了。After completing both, I still don't see the purpose of doing them. Pointless. But I feel relief 'coz at least something came out.

Although I think I did most of the work (a bit tak malu), from compiling to final touch up, I never felt abused. I did it voluntarily and I did my part. I don't like to praise myself (though, I like being praised sometimes ^^), but I don't even know if my works fit their taste. If the assignment fails, is it our failure together as a team, or is it my failure as a leader? I am not the same as her, a leader who got 37/50 for assignment, yet dissatisfied over her own work (Assignment was group work but she did 99% of it. So it was her work alone). 37/50? Blame yourself la don't blame us...

When we fail, how should I face my group members, what should I do?

Sincerely from my heart, what I care about is the outcome of the assignment, not the amount of effort I put in compared to others. I don't mind if I work more. What I want is my work to be of acceptance, to be useful to them, to achieve agreement and finally the outcome to be shared together as a group. I don't want to responsible for the failure alone... Unlike her, she cared about the marks so much, but she pushed the responsiblity to us, she blamed her members for ineffective progress, yet the truth was 99% was done by her? She can't seem to understand that it was the 99% that failed us, not the 1%. (We didn't fail, just the lowest marks compared to other groups).

The previous leader gave me a feeling of being so useless and segregated, yet it was not my fault! 2nd time working together, and I was disappointed again. Still the same self-centred, too proud of herself, over-reacting, calculative and small gas G. Since that case, I never talk to her anymore. There's no point doing so anymore. Sorry Piew I will never say NO anymore!!!

Though I am a leader (Leader for PM assignment. Got leader is like no leader. All members are also leaders. There's no official leader for CC), I may not be a good leader in your eyes. I know I don't have what it takes to be a leader. I knew it since long ago. I think power sharing leader suites my personality. I don't remember when was the last time I made my last absolute decision. I like to obtain everyone's agreement before proceeding. A Libra is not a leader type, this I agree so much. Follow orders, I like it. It is my nature to be this kind of leader. It is the characteristic of Libra to avoid problems from happening, to undergo steady flow that does not ignite eruption. Peace lover ^^v.

Gino is irrational, emotional, ugly (Jino is also ugly), bossy, thick face and annoying monster. If by becoming Gino I can actually stand as an effective leader but simultaneously lose bonds with its members, to lose respects as a friend, I rather strip the G rank and behave as what I really am, Jino. I really appreciate you guys to call me Jino. I am who I am. Jino does not equal to Gino, Jino does not express Gino's characteristics, and let's hope that Jino shall never become Gino. Otherwise all of your names will be deleted from the assignment muahaha... ^^

Coursemates who do not know the story behind the grudge might not agree to what I think, they pity her and ask us not to insult her. But what is there to pity when I am only an outsider to her?

Actually, did I do most of the works? I don't know, I am not sure and I don't dare to give an absolute answer. I don't intend to boast myself ok?

P/S: I am seriously not fretting or complaining or dissatisfied. I am glad we did it, though there is still 1 step ahead for the end of the journey. Other than G, others should not feel offended. I am sorry if my collection of thoughts hurt you guys. Cheers ^^...

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot