I can't remember how long it was, but not too long ago that I still remember what he had said to me. I had the whole copy of the conversation saved in my computer (It is automatically saved, I did not do it on purpose. A feature of MSN Plus) but it was so long, I think I had better summarize everything.
One day, an old friend whom I had long lost touch with unexpectedly nudged me. Let's keep his name a secret, not too good to talk bad about someone so openly. Yea back to the story, he approached me unexpectedly one day, though we had really never chat since we departed. I thought the situation would be similar to the moment you are going to make a new friend, asking where's he studying, where's he staying now, what's he up to, bla bla bla of some updates. But I am not good in this, so I was kind of nervous. We tagged along to catch up with each other, till to a point that my temper raised, our conversation turned into argument.
He said that he was busy with his church activities, invited me to join him, and asked me what religion I am. So I kind of proudly answered him - free thinker. Yup I don't believe in God and do not follow any religious rules. Stepping into religious places makes me so uncomfortable. I think he had just joined his Christianity fellowship as he was very eager to elaborate his beliefs but I had no interest in all this. From there, our conversation ran into religious beliefs and conception of ridiculous free thinker should be abolished. "Those who do not believe in Christian, God, Jesus will all end up in hell", "without a religion you are like a lost soul", "you live in your own little world", "come join us, we will lead you"... And the most irritating part of these - "you haven't try, you'll never know". I was like... -.- WTH are you talking? "Come, come. Try Christian..." - pasar malam?
I wasn't mad at him but disappointed. For me, his concern for my afterlife has harboured a grudge against me. Never had I experience such "invitation" or the humiliation of his action. Even the Christian Fellowship in UTAR has not send any people to forcefully recruit members. Counting how much to pay for joining and the benefits after joining him - sound so much like business. I wonder if this is the way people outside doing recruitment.
I see and I believe. I can't believe what I can't see. I can't believe what I can't feel. I can't believe what science had failed to prove. If it was love, I can feel it thus I believe of its existence though I can't touch it. But to ask me to believe in God which existence is unexplained, not scientific proven, is never going to come. I don't believe in ghost too but there's a ghost that you all must know, 'coz I can see this ghost in UTAR everytime I have class. The 3G - Geli Geli Ghost - study in UTAR as well.
If there's really a God in this world, which God is real? For Christian they believe in their God, Muslims believe there's only a God. So whose God is real and which's fake? Or is there any God more superior to another? Or are there so many Gods in this world and that's why this world exist in such chaotic manner?
Racism, disasters, poverty, slavery, sexism, war... Is God behind all these? If God exist, why doesn't the kind-hearted God bless his people to live under its harmonious atmosphere? I can't agree more that all these events are the post-effects of humans selfishness and has nothing to do with God. Self-centered, materialistic, ethnocentric are the nature of people who believe in God of different religion. Because believing in their own religion and races, they thought they have better values, more superior cultures, which then humans begin to diverse into different societies. Living under the same roof, same planet yet because of believing in God, there's so much confusion arising? Whites discriminate blacks; does God create whites more superior than blacks, so that the whites can control blacks? If God is behind this, where're the values that God trying to instil on every human? Respect sial... They have religion, right? Can I say God teaches the whites to discriminate? No I can't otherwise I will get beaten. Pity the blacks.
I learn this situation from my mum's friend. Hmm very hard to elaborate into details, but I try my best here. The decease uncle (my mum's friend's uncle) died recently at young age (42 years old), bitten by a fatal mosquito and died in 3 days uncured. Don't underestimate mosquito. The problem is after his death, not the mosquito. The decease was a Buddhist, while his son is a Christian. So there was argument between the older generations and the son of decease, to either follow traditional Chinese burial ceremony or to convert the decease to Christian and follow Christian way. Cut the story short, the son agreed to follow the older generations' way of doing. But the son also mentioned "I won't pray for him, and I won't remember him as my father 'coz he is not a Christian". After hearing this story, WTF? What kind of ajaran sesat teaching people to forget their own father? The story is true, but the way expressed may be exaggerated ('coz I did not hear this 1st handedly). I don't understand, does God really say that to his people?
I am a free thinker. I think logically. What I consider true must be testable. What theories disconfirm, I couldn't accept. My morality is what my mum teaches me - Kindness, what that does not hurt others, respects and more values that are similar to everyone else. Free thinker does not have a meaning in life. Says who? What makes you think that I am more sesat than those religion-following politicians out there who their meanings in lives are no other than power and money? "Freethinkers see no pride in the blind maintenance of ancient superstitions or self-effacing prostration before divine tyrants known only through primitive "revelations." Freethought is respectable. Freethought is truly free."
I do not oppose any religion, you can do what you want but please don't involve me. If you have a religion to believe, please believe as your life depends on it and behave yourself. I chose not to believe, as I believe the one who're changing the world is us human but not the God. So I respect people and myself rather than God which does not exist in my life. If you want me to believe in him, prove to me and don't talk blindly. I never say their teachings are bad or misleading. The only difference I am from others, is my believe in God's existence. That's all. The purest beings are babies who know nothing bout the outside world, share the joy together as humans, as innocent as ever. If by having religion is going to create a peaceful utopia for all beings, I don't mind believing in one myself. But simply believing does not help. As you can see, the world with different religions and Gods are more than havoc. If by having a religion and to believe in God is for the sake of entering heavenly paradise, then how should I, who do not believe in the angelic heaven or burning hell, react to this? I am not acting justice here, but my heart feel unease because of religion and God.
I may not be purely kind in heart, but I know neither believing in God will make my heart pure. Look at the people outside, look at yourself. You believe in God, right? You have a religion right? How pure are you? How good are you?
The conversation with my old friend turned agony. Feel like blocking him in msn...
[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot