Saturday, October 4, 2008

04 Oct - How long can it last?

When you meet someone, and yet so lucky by glance you are attracted. Slowly, a fond feeling build up in your heart depends on individual personality. You feel unease at the initial state. Makan tak kenyang, tidur tak lena, mandi tak basah. You will think of him all the time - Has he eaten? Has he awaken? Is he thinking of you? What is he doing? So miss him. Next is the temptation to action against him. The process is the glorious time of the era. Countless money, time, energy, brain cells and even tears have been invested to yield a successful relation. Hiding the lust, first you give him your first impression, usually a good one. From here on, frequent chatting is the basic way to keep in touch, usually by sms or phone calls. From time to time, you will meet him more often to have lunch or dinner, movies and shopping. You will do anything to make him happy. From spending money to putting down your own ego, as long as you can own him. When mutual understanding is established, personal barrier is lifted. It may be fast, it may be slow. It may take 2 months, or a year. Or maybe 10 years. If catalyst happens to hasten the process and orientation is met, a successful bond is formed, thus relationship is created. The feeling is now expressed in term of love. When he nods his head in agreement, you will definitely too happy to realize how much investment you have put into this relation. Then you will put the particular moment into your calendar to mark down the glorious day and celebrate it as anniversary every year on. This is what we call ordinary love.

Ok, what happen next? Who doesn't wish to have a good life together with the beloved one, and live happy ever after? Snow White's life is the dream for many of us. Met a good prince, brought her out of the suffering life, live happily ever after in their castle, became the queen of the province and cherished by the towns people. But how many of you can achieve this ultimate level of love, in reality? After few months, many will start to get bored and find another target. Fresher it seems. When there's someone distracting you from your relationship, your status is greatly affected. Then the person who destroy the love which was formed with sweat and toils is known as third party. 第三者. 狐狸精. But there's no right or wrong in love, even if there's 第三者 or not. 'Coz love is blind. Love shrouds your mind into blindness and darkness, and you lose your rationale and senses. In another point of view, love is evil and wicked. This is known as the dark side of love. Blind and senseless reminds me of Kaname Tosen's bankai, Enma Korogi. Anyone under the effect of his bankai loses the ability to sense anything around them, except touch (pain). Does the bankai effect similar to love?

I was in love, but it lasted only 11 months. I wasn't that sad because I found out that there are many people having worse experience than mine. Some were together for 2 years and they broke up. Some were together for 3 months but to no avail. There are some still suffering from post love effect. What makes me sad the most is the end of a 5 years love. Not me of course. It's my friend. Hmm... I wonder what is the problem they had to this extent? Is it because they do not understand each other? They argue? Pressure? Misunderstanding? What is there that can break a couple which has been living together for so long? Haiz. Very 可惜... Love has many uncertainty, and I hate uncertainty. Uncertainty is challenging, but it poses risk as well. Uncertainty plays with chances and probability. Anything might happen, even with 1% probability. The doctor can tell the victim's family of 99% successful operation chances. And yet the next thing is they were told that the patient died among other 1%, which increases the figure to 2%. As Chu said, 1% can grow. This is uncertainty. Like it or not, it is unavoidable.

I wonder if the same fate falls upon me, what will happen to me? Can I act cool as if I can ok with it? Can I act as if nothing has happen between the both of us? Can I still face you? I really scared and worry if this happen one day. Although not the first time, but the same pain exists and old scars blemish. I do think of this occasionally. When sweet memories pass by, I have to dry my tears. It's normal to cry, isn't it? I am not a heartless person. I am warm blooded, not cold. My blood is red, not green. Yes I am a guy but I am also a human. Crying is normal for full-of-emotion animals like us. Ok past is past. But if again it happens, I think I will never step into the circle anymore... I really hope I can hold your hands, walk the same path together, and build our future. 白头到老. Both of us... Am I thinking too much? Or should I be happy with what I have now? Yes you are right. 船到桥头自然直... I should be happy and appreciate while we are still together. I have in confidence in you, and myself. Gambateh! Wish all of you out there can find your other half and live happily ever after. Take note it's not Valentine yet.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot