Monday, September 15, 2008

好寂寞 - 15 Sept 2008



歌曲:好寂寞
歌手:范玮琪 & 光良

我愿用真心交换你,偶尔分到你一换关心,
就算你不能完全属于我,我也愿意照顾自己.
有時爱就是那么奇妙,怎么也想不到,想不到我竟如此的为你执迷,
也想不到我只要一刻不見你,就无法呼吸.
看窗外霓虹灯在闪耀,情人在街道上拥抱,
我的夜只能依靠不停想你,才会有心跳.

好寂寞,每当想起你的時候,好像痛要将我吞沒,却不能对你说.
好寂寞,我会试著自己挣脱,就怕你会放不下我,
曾说过要让你自由,就该学著放手.

Yesterday we had bbq. Unfortunately it was raining, and yet bbq was still on. So I was bbq-ing in the middle of the rain. I was controlling myself, as I dont want to get fat in a night. So I eat very little compared to my normal bbq. Well let me count. 10 pieces of ba gua, 2 chicken wings, 2 hotdogs, 2 chicken balls, 2 sotong balls, 2 pieces of lamb, 1 otak otak, 3 pieces honeydew, a cup of cincau, 15 tau foo pok and 20 satay. So little. And I replenish my water supply to avoid dehydration. And yet this afternoon after lunch, I felt my body as cold as my marble floor. I think I caught flu + fever + sore throat. I can't concentrate in studies. I am very sleepy now. But if I hide under blanket, my eyes will definitely close. I put on my socks, yet still cold. Vision blurred, facing computer to keep myself awake. Nutrition exam is on tomorrow and yet I am still writing here. Notes of an inch thick untouched.

When chatting on msn, I felt a sudden emptiness. Just like 8 months ago when that part ended continued by another great story. My heart's crying for you. We didn't chat much as much as last time. Sms reduced by 8 folds. I feel lonely and yet I do not want to disturb you nor let you know how I felt. You need concentration and I don't want to be your burden. For now, I can only hope, time pass by as quick as possible. Till the time comes, I try to persevere. But the more I endure, the harder my heart cries. Echoed for your return, the cries shunt to my eyes.

I had a nightmare few days ago. The first one was really blur and I forgot most of the details. But I still remember the moment you say "The end this moment, shall be" in a very Star Wars Yoga-tic way... Second nightmare was my ba gua was stolen by some brats while I was tied to a tree for unknown reason. Such weird nightmares, and again I woke up at 3 am where no stars can be found in the sky. When I miss someone to this degree, I felt sick. I am sick of waiting. Why am I so soft? How come I can't even wait for another week?

Another day is the day Anuar promised to be accomplished. Anuar will become PM? Although I didn't put much hope in him, I prefer a change in the government which was ruled by BN for over 50 years, yet Malaysia is still at this level. Malaysia is not a democratic country. If it is democratic, Malaysia will not be ruled by BN for half the decade. Orang Cina hanya menumpang? Itu sebelum Malaysia la brother. 50 tahun dulu. Sekarang sudah panggil MALAYSIA. Bukan Tanah MELAYU anymore. This piece of small land is no longer your Malays solely. Kalau you mau duit saya, kasi la saya benefit? Jgn rompak orang Cina!!! How can those politicians not aware of these? Teressa Kok was detained by ISA, while Ahmad Ismail is free out there loathing and boasting? Where is justice? Justice being clouded by darkness. Interpersonal relationship, benefits, power, satisfaction. Malaysian identity based on skin colour, races and religion. Good job BN!!! That is why I hate politics. Everything is politicized. Even in education...

 

 

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot