24 hours

Dear bii,

It has been 24 hours since we last talked. I have not hear from you after that. And this is the first time we are separated this long.

Sadly, I have just realized I cannot fall asleep without you saying goodnight.

Hope I am not overthinking (I can be a drama queen, if you have not know yet). I know you are safe. Probably that place you travel has no connection. STAY POSITIVE!!!

From,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Post updated with LittleS

For the first time...

... I feel so excited on Christmas.

Dear FY,  

We have not met for 2 years. I really miss you. Welcome back and I doubt we have time for each other.

Dear bii,

We have not met for 3 weeks. I seriously miss you >.<. I am dying to sniff your armpits.

Merry Christmas to both of you. Wish we have more time together.

From,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Project 3.55 - success

Dear bii,

The visit was certainly unplanned and it was truly amazing you welcome my visit without fuss. Thanks for your hospitality. I really appreciate your effort to drive me around and "eat me out" for the days we were together.

Your bites.

Your scent.

Your smile.

Your touch.

It's really great I found my ways to remember all these when we are miles apart from each another.

(pictures can be found here)

Thanks bii.

From,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Project 3.55 - countdown 3 days

November 25th, 2014 - Tuesday

Dear FY,

Tomorrow is the birthday. Who is he you ask? Yea I never told you about him. He is my very first online friend I knew many years ago. It was so long ago Friendster once existed and MSN over powered ICQ.

I know I had been busy and was not there when he needed me. But yea... 10 years of friendship does not die easily, does it?

Happy birthday~

Dear FY,

I am listing down the people who deserve souvenirs from Australia. I bet you do not need one. 'Coz I already get you something different. Miss you.




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Project 3.55 - countdown 21 days

November 7th, 2014 - Saturday

Dear FY,

21 days left to fly yet I was not worried about my return ticket to KL. It's summer in Australia and what bothered me was what to wear there. Yet I was not checking my wardrobe but I was hunting for a bag. This is going to sound crazy, but... from the moment I first set eyes on him I had not been able to stop thinking about him. After 6 hours of window shopping in Sunway I made him mine.

Dear FY,

In the annual dinner same night, I was thrown into water >.<

I really hate pool and sea especially when no one is there to take care of me.

Do you remember you said we will swim together, holding hands together?




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Quick Singapore visit

Dear FY,

I had this guy who treated me very well at the beginning of my gay life. He was with me momentarily when I explored this world on my own. Though we did not enter into relationship phase, he managed to "educate" me on how a love life should be.

Those nights were still fresh in my mind. He cooked me dinner when I visited his place. The first guy who cooked me a proper meal was him. That was our first dating.

The last dating was memorable too. We bought a DVD and watched in his room. The movie was "17". We hugged and watched to the end. I dozed off on his shoulder till the dawn.

That was our last...

He moved to Singapore for better opportunity and somehow we have lost contact. After I deleted my Facebook once, I could never contact him anymore. We do not have any mutual friend. I tried leaving him messages in his blog but it was obvious he stopped blogging. I dropped him emails but it was obvious too he changed his email. I sent him messages in whatsapp but that was obviously futile as he uses a new Singaporean number. I tried looking for him in Facebook with name search but no... his name never pop up.

When my birthday was around the corder, I would remember him. His birthday is few days after mine. I repeatedly look for him for few years.

Voila~

I almost cried when I saw the comments he left on my friend's wall. After 5 years I manage to talk to him again.

Dear FY,

He was the only reason I went to Singapore this time. Just wanted to hold his hands briefly again and had selfie we never had back then. Hope you do not mind what I did in Singapore.

From,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

 Overnight in the airport till boarding

Dinner at Dolce Tokyo

Lunch with him - Kith Cafe. My trip is completed.

High tea - Turkish Kebab and Rainbow cake, Medzs

田鸡 congee as dinner - G7 Chinatown

Very quickly back to Changi Airport.

I am further away from you

Dear FY,

You have not wished me yet. But it's ok. I really wish you would remember my birthday and I do not mind a late wish.

I am sorry I keep eating and neglect my diet plan. Unless I work harder, you will not see my six packs. I made my birthday wish this year and it is "I do not want to disappoint you".

 Late dinner at The Ship

Wich Day Cafe waffle

Tous les Jours Chocolate Devil

Tokyo Don, Pavilion

One of the dishes in Bukit Tinggi, Pahang

Ni Hon Kai with mama 

My mama is very picky with sashimi and she likes this a lot

Sushi Tei secretly with a friend in Setia Walk

Satay Station, Sri Petaling - super expensive and fattening

Rakuzen, Publika with Firdaus and Khai

Mad about Coco, Publika with the same gang

Strangers at 47 with the same people

Thanks for the birthday cake and special thanks to the cute delivery boy

Dear FY,

I wish...




From,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

I am still waiting...

... for the impossible.

Dear FY,

None would have thought I bought 2 tickets for the same movie. I do not think you you would expect me to do this, am I right?

1 seat for myself. I left another seat vacant for the some one I have been waiting.

You said to meet up at 8 p.m.. 2 hours past and you did not pick up my call. You only turned up 3 hours later. I doubt you remember? But you were worth waiting and you knew just with my excitement that night.

What I am doing now is to enjoy the little memories we have left to each other while waiting the time to create more memories.

Time passes...

Dear FY,

Waiting is a pain in the ass. But so long I still have place in your heart, waiting is ok.

Perhaps one day I will have the courage to stop waiting and make my 1st move.

When will I have that courage?

From,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Broke up

Dear FY,

Being ego can be attractive. But it is also the reason a relationship could not go well.

I witnessed a broke up right in front of my eyes tonight. 

They did not meet the eyes. Their voice echoed over the banquet. A birthday party had now turned to a farewell party?

Over hearing the entire conversation, I am certain both egos sky rocketed tonight. If only either one would give in, things would not be this bad.

Love is like a glass. It's fragile. Once broken it hurts.

From,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

4 years

Dear FY,

Never have I thought to work here as fresh graduate till this day. This is my first permanent job and I was totally lost at first. A bioscience student to work in a call centre? Come on... I definitely did not write "My ambition is call centre consultant" when I was young. This job is definitely an "accident" - ended up here for so long 'coz the pay is higher than what I can seek out there.

I do not know how I survived.... But yeah I enjoyed my first 3 years of career. A stable job with less risk. A job that gives me higher pay than the rest if I put in more effort. I was paid for working extra hours. Punctual to work and back home. Most importantly I do not give a damn to anyone

4 years later, the story has changed. Perhaps it is not a good idea for people like me to move up the career ladder to begin with.

I started to doubt my ability in people management. Engagement and people connection are my weakest attribute. I like to be alone most of the time - period and introvert, as how you know me all the while. To sum them all, I am not a leader. Every one knows this. Yet I chose to take this path.

Not sure if I have made the right decision.

The first challenge started with 3 staff resigned in the same month. The colleagues were laughing at my luck for losing so many precious staff in an instant. My boss, inclusive. When my boss made fun of me that night, I could not hold the tears and showed them how weak I am. 

I was helpless against my own emotions. Was I really not doing enough to retain my own staff? Is it me that they chose to leave? Have I not been supportive in their role? 

Well, I really wish you were here to talk to me, FY.

There are things I could not speak to someone. It is not natural for me to talk. I need a hug. Or at least your presence will alleviate my stress that night. No, you were not here. It's fine. I perfectly aware we are separated, you see. 'Cos thinking of you simply make me stronger. Most importantly I still have you.

I promise you FY I will not show them the weak side of me. Not anymore. You said that I am the Ultraman in your heart.

From,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Take my shirt off please~

Dear FY,

You may have not seen it, but I have grown at least 2 kg heavier than we last met. To make things worse the mass was mostly fat and more fat!!!

It was difficult to decide on finance or good body, as I am bad with both.

My brain was not thinking so the dick took over. My intention is to look presentable in your eyes. Nothing else.

Dear FY,

After the session yesterday my arms were so sore I could hardly lift them up. It's 9 a.m.. If I did not make haste I would be late for bus to work. So I asked a stranger a favour.

Me: Can you please take my shirt off please?

Stranger: ???!!!

No sexual fantasy, FY. I was seriously desperate to take my shower and I could not have done it without a helping hand. I am sorry FY.

From, 

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Post updated with LittleS

It is better to be late...

... than never.

Dear FY,

I am late to send him this. Happy anniversary my friend.

Just like you, he is one of the few I really wanted to protect so badly. He should not give up 'coz I will not let him go.

Do you still remember our first moment, FY? I hope you still do.

From,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Post updated with LittleS

If I were to die tomorrow...

If I were to die tomorrow, what is one thing you would always remember about me?

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

His big day does not start well

Dear FY,

I am sure you are not asleep at this hour. You are not replying my texts again. It does not matter. Somehow I  know you only reply either in wee morning or in the darkest night.

You know what?

Today is his day. The day should start with bak kut teh at 8 a.m.. I had a nice scolding from him for not waking him up. Well, I overslept too... He is throwing his tantrum and refuse to do anything.

If I knew this would happen, I could have hit the gym first. The morning is not productive, FY. I feel so guilty.

He invited a bunch of friends for dinner tonight and he expected me to organize it this morning. Hello? He knows where he wanna eat. He has the head count. I know nothing about his plan 'coz he did not discuss with me. I may not have a good itinerary. And I certainly did not expect 10 people joining us. It is fine that he has his thought but I think it is too late? Now that the restaurant is full tonight, he is not happy. Is he trying to blame me for being incompetent?

Dear FY,

I am confident the story does not stop here. Hugs.

From,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Post updated with LittleS

For You, FY

The blog first started with my rant in school and dissatisfaction with certain parties. If you still remember what Friendster was, you can probably recall the blog and its signature comment spamming. Facebook replaced the once popular Friendster and I stopped spamming comments. I redirected the blog over here anyway. Whew~ so long ago.

Not knowing that blog is actually a public viewing site, I wrote a long thought and did not expect any one to come across my story. Obviously the next morning people asked if I need help or if I am ok etc.

Moving forward I posted my blog with general public as target. I want the readers to know exactly how I feel and what I have gone through.

Oh~ the time has changed.

This time my target reader is only you. For You (FY). Not Fuck You ok?

Why the change?

'Coz you are the person I really wish to read my thoughts. I hope one day if I were to have amnesia you will be here to tell the tales of my past.

Dear FY

I do not want to  exagerate my feeling to you. I did not miss you as much as I claim. Honest be told we hardly speak to each other 'coz you are a busy man. Our difference set us so distanced I can hardly feel you. Most of the time you were irresponsive to my texts and I almost gave up.

What I have left from you are pictures and memories in the form of words I posted somewhere in this blog.

Till last night... you really surprised me.

Do you think you wanna finish off where we left off before?

I thought you have forgotten. I thought that moment was so dark you do not want to remember. Certainly this is not what I expect to hear but you really made my night.

Dear FY

I am not sure if you still come to this site. Seriously, I have no clue. It does not matter though. 'Coz I already know...

... that I am someone to you.

Can't wait to see you again.

From,

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Post updated with LittleS

Strangers off a gay man's phone

[Prestige of the Pantheon] is a big scam. Confidently I reloaded 90 diamonds and Madhead rewarded me with shit cards.

With disheartened heart we wondered in Night Market and stopped at one of the stalls. Our eyes were locked on the variety of choices; short but strong, long and convenient, medium and durable. Well they do not make much difference to me so I chose the cheapest one.

Do you have your phone?

Yes I do.

Bring your phone over. I will show you that the charger cable is working.

Handed over the phone. 

It was too late to stop him.

The black screen the phone was activated and... I guess he was stunned with the wallpaper.

The guy in the phone is kinda cute. Agree?




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

I don't talk about it does not mean I don't care

With the recent MH370 and MH17 disasters, negative news are roaming in newspapers, TV news and social medias. 

I do not post or talk anything about them. But you are wrong to say I do not care about these cases.

It's the same in relationship.

Just because I do not talk about the things you have done behind my back does not mean I do not know or do not care.

I simply choose to turn my blind eyes on you 'coz I started to realize how trivial and childish I am to take things so seriously.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

Resignation

I had my first agent resignation last month. The reason is not because I am not doing my job well or because the pay is not up to expectation. She is suffering health complication. In a span of a month her health condition turned from bad to worse. Professional surgeon in Seattle with 20 years of experience gives her 60% success rate.

For a girl to fight her emotion and fear of loss is seriously not a simple feat.

Have you imagined how you would like to spend the last minute of your life? I have not.

She left me her locker padlock on the day we signed all documents, which was also her last day in the office. 

Boss do you know the meaning when a girl gives you a padlock?

No. Any specific meaning?

Terrible la you boss. Go look up the Italy story on internet.

Boss will you keep this lock for me and wait for my return?

We made a promise to keep her lock till she returns.

Before she told me the bad news we were discussing on our motivation to work. Now I wish I am the motivation for you to keep moving forward and face the challenges.

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knoiws hiow to shoot

A "koffing" Songkran (Part 1)

Part 1, Part 2 (coming soon), Part 3 (coming soon)

09 April 2014, Day 1

Numerous emails were sent to my agents and they were mostly procedural updates, to behave, to expect souvenirs etc. Well, I was not in the right condition to talk at all. The cough attacked whenever I opened my mouth. My face turned so red my bosses forced me to go home.

Oops I forgot to put "away from office" in my work email... It did not bother me anywa.

It would be a great trip if I had not fallen sick. I had to work today but decided to call it half day. Seriously, the fever and cough turned from bad to worse. On a brighter note, I have a good agent Raveen who brought me antibiotics and medicines and she prayed for my health. Thanks to her, my fever went away and she made me healthy again to fly.

With the half day leave I took this chance to rest as much as possible and made my last minute preparation. No underwear. No condom. No lubricant. Hell I regretted not to bring along lubricant. 7 tops and 3 bottoms. Then jacket and medicines to control my temperature, you won't know how useful they were.

This bag is good, trust me. But I am greedy. The bag used by that pilot is elegant and smart. Surely it is costly but I swear to get one. He walked pass without looking at me. OMG the pilot was so handsome...

 

The flight to Bangkok did not begin well. Curses echoed when they made the announcement of flight delay. That was just the beginning. Secondly my ears suffered badly during landing due to the pressure. Nevertheless we reached Don Muang Airport at 11.00 p.m. and spent 400 bath on taxi to our hotel, The Heritage Sathorn.

The price of the hotel is relatively low but its secluded location made us pay differently. It was a 20 minutes walk to the nearest BTS. Not to mention the terrible wifi annoyed us so much we had to surf right outside the door. The spacious room had at least 10 plugs but only 1 working plug was detected. Truth be told, I would take this opportunity to warn you all not to go for this hotel. It is plain sucky.

Supper from 7-11 was not disappointing~

_________________________________________________________________________________

10 April 2014, Day 2

And so you know the trip officially started with windows shopping involved a lot of walking but no money spent. The day revolved around Siam Paragon, Siam Central and Central World.

Lunch at one of the tepi jalan stall just to fill the stomach temporarily.

Ok I lied about not spending money here. I found one of the memorabilias that reminds me of Thailand. No English subtitle for this DVD, but who needs subtitle when I have memorized the entire subtitle from Youtube?

Tea time at Mr. Jones, Siam Absolute. We spent a lot of hours here for the free wifi.

We stopped at a lot of places for desserts but this is remarkably special~

We ran out of idea for dinner, so we dropped by Shabushi. Shabushi was so bad, any steamboat in KL beats Shabushi.

While there are a lot of massage parlor in Bangkok, I do not know why we ended up in Sala Daeng. It makes more sense if hanky panky massages are required. Unfortunately we were not looking for that. Yet we were in Sala Daeng for 2 hours normal Thai massage. The masseur focused too much on my foot and my groin area but what I think I need most was some pressure on my shoulders.

We call it a day. At least I tried to. Cough did not allow me to sleep.




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot